November 2022: Expect, Expected Behavior
November 2022: Expect, Expected Behavior
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Ever walk into a store with your children, with the assumption that they will know the behaviors expected of them only to watch them play hide and seek in the racks of hanging clothes or yank on your pants while you're trying to talk with a sales clerk or even pull items off the shelves? Behavior must be taught.
Set your children and your adventure up for success by reviewing the behaviors you expect ahead of time. Make it clear that if your child chooses unexpected behaviors the adventure will be over. Follow through with this logical consequence, leave the store, the park, the library, the ice cream store. "We'll try again another time. I can see you're not ready yet." Keep your voice calm and matter-of-fact.
Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade students are learning about expected and unexpected behaviors. They are exploring how the written and unwritten expectations change depending on where they are. The rules are different in the library, than at recess, than in the cafeteria, then in the classroom. Students are learning that their behavior affects the people around them and that the behavior of others affects them.
When we choose unexpected behaviors, others may have uncomfortable feelings about us. They may feel worried, scared, angry, frustrated.
When we choose expected behaviors, others may have comfortable, safe, warm feelings towards us. They want to be close to us.
Talk about the expected and unexpected rules before your adventure. Talk about how your child's expected or unexpected behaviors affected you or how they may have affected others. "When you stayed close to me at the amusement park, I felt safe. We had a lot of fun." When you were screaming for my attention in the store, I felt embarrassed. The people around us probably felt upset and confused. That's why we had to leave right away."
Check out these picture books to start a discussion about expected behaviors. You can find more on my webpage.
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