October 2021: Learning to Navigate Social Challenges: Rumors, Gossip, and Relational Aggression
October 2021: Learning to Navigate Social Challenges: Rumors, Gossip, and Relational Aggression
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It is human nature to talk about people. This is how we gain a better understanding of our world. It is how we begin to understand different perspectives. Talking to others helps us process our feelings and solve social problems.
Before we engage in conversations about others, we must ask ourselves three important questions 1) Is what I’m about to say, kind? 2) Is what I’m about to say, helpful? 3) Is what I’m about to say, mine to share? If you can answer YES! to all of these questions, that’s a green light to talk. If you can not say yes to all three questions, this indicates a stop. You may need to talk with an adult instead of your friends. Saying unkind or unhelpful words, or sharing information that is not yours to share could be considered spreading rumors or gossiping.
WHY do people spread rumors? Maybe for revenge, connection, to be funny, to increase social status, thinking that they are being helpful, or power and control.
WHAT is a good friend? Friends are loyal, honest and make you feel good about yourself.
Spreading rumors or gossiping could be a form of relational aggression. When people engage in relational aggression the goal is usually to manipulate relationships. This kind of aggression is very hurtful.
on again – off again friendships
forcing kids to choose sides
threatening behavior – “if you don’t . . . . then I won’t be your friend.”
saying mean/hurtful things that might influence how others view that person
exclusion
sarcastic or rude comments disguised as helpful suggestions
Tone of voice or even a mean look
HOW do I stop relational aggression and rumors? Be an upstander. Speak up: “that’s mean,” or “real friends don’t act that way.” Have a big group of friends, so you have a backup friend, there is safety in numbers. Interrupt the aggressor. Simply DO NOT spread the gossip – let it stop with you. Tell an adult if the teasing continues, if the aggression is physical, or if the rumors are about someone hurting self, others, or being hurt.
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