Self-concept is what we think about ourselves.

Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves.

Self-efficacy is a belief in our abilities.

During this pandemic, we have asked kids to take on a big load of responsibilities. We’re asking them to maintain a schedule, work independently, advocate when they need help, stay organized.

This is new to many kids and developmentally challenging for elementary school students. Executive functioning skills can be slow to come.

These tasks are easier for some students than others. Even for those kids who are able to function in this independent learning model, the need to stay afloat can feel extremely stressful.

Some children have more parent support than others, and even that may not always feel positive for kids. The strain this learning model has put on the parent/child relationship is immense.

The stress that comes from either succeeding at maintaining these executive functioning skills or failing to maintain, challenges a kids self-esteem, self-concept and self-efficacy.

As caregivers, we can build our children up. We can help them feel capable and proud and confident.

THE SELF-CONCEPT CHALLENGE: Choose three of the following strategies, that you aren’t already doing, and try them for a week. Notice any changes in yourself? Your children? In how your family functions as a unit?

1. Tell your children that you love them, even when you don’t like what they do.

2. Show interest in the topics and activities that interest them.

3. Spend individual time with each of your children with no interruptions from siblings. (consider a rotating bedtime routine)

4. Ask for their opinions.

5. Address your child’s behavior. Do not label them. “Your behavior was disrespectful.” rather than, “you are disrespectful.”

6. Offer opportunity to experience success. It’s okay to let your child struggle through a task. It’s okay if that task is not completed perfectly – like tying shoes. “I like how hard you’re working on that.” – Praise effort and determination rather than results.

7. Enroll them in new activities.

8. Let your children show you how something works. Let them be the expert.

9. Teach your children new skills. Invite them in to your process of cleaning or cooking, home, yard or car maintenance. Do not expect perfection. – Think fun!

10. Assign them their own age-appropriate responsibilities. These are expectations – no money needs to be exchanged. Do not expect perfection. Expect completion.

11. Talk about your own emotional ups and downs (within reason). This will normalize their own fluctuation in emotion. Model self-regulation.

12. Share your mistakes. Model positive responses to mistakes.

13. Talk about strengths and weaknesses and the “power of Yet!”

14. Model appropriate conversation skills and problem solving strategies.

15. Model how to be assertive.

16. Model how to reframe negative thinking, by using positive self-talk. Talk out loud, so your children hear your process.

17. Support executive functioning skills (time management, managing a schedule, advocating for needs, staying organized). Ask, “how did that work for you? What might you do differently next time?” If they need ideas, talk about what you do.

I have every reason to believe that this pandemic is giving our children a gift. They will learn determination, self-reliance, and perseverance. They will experience both failure and success. They will learn to regulate emotion and stress. They will practice organizing their time, space and work. I believe this pandemic will be a catalyst for a generation of capable, imaginative, competent people!