Senior Admission Rescinded After Authorities from CSULA Discover that NP Does NOT Mean "Nearly Perfect"
By: Angelina Feliciano & Reina Estrada
Here at Neuwirth, the grading system is quite different from your average high school with the standard A-F grade scale (which totally makes sense). Instead, here at Neuwirth, we have A B C and NP (Not Passing) (which totally makes sense, right?).
While members of the class of ‘23 were applying to Cal States in October, one senior thought they could exploit this grading scale and convince CSULA (California State University, Los Angeles) into believing that NP really meant Nearly Perfect.
Well, the attempt backfired. This tricky scholar actually had their admission rescinded because they lied about the grading system. According to the recent discovery, the college demanded an explanation for the stupid grading system as they stated “This student’s actions fooled us; it was a slap in our face. Everyone in this community was told to flick off the student if ever mentioned or seen out in the public. Whoever made the grading system really needs to be fired, what kind of idiot thinks to make NP a thing.”
In response to this controversy, CSUDH (California State University, Dominguez Hills) decided to terminate any submissions from Neuwirth effective immediately as they investigate the recent attack on their competitor. Dominguez Hills admissions officers were told to report any students with a grading system similar to Neuwirth to avoid the embarrassment that CSULA has suffered. CSULA's huge ego was shattered into a million pieces as CSUDH bashed them for “being stupid enough to fall for that trick”. This made CSULA tighten their acceptance rate to 10% instead of 91%. CSULA will now rest as they will forever be injured from an improbable joke that was supposed to be silly, but harmed the CSULA community with great pain.