Audition material

Mono 1: You always gotta let the last man go. It’s honorable. He’s the last guy to make it out of the bag. The warrior. He’s the last samurai man. Some people will call it science. Others will call it luck. I like to call it destiny. it was destiny combined with talent that made this little fella survive. Picture it. All of these other peanuts, some bigger than you, some faster than you, some smarter than you…all fighting to stay in the back of the bag when you turn it upside down to eat one of them. This little fella beat the odds. He deserves to be set free, just on moral obligation alone. Call me crazy but no matter what you say, I’m always going to let the last man go.

Mono 2: Can’t believe this happens to me, always me! I try so hard to go out and have a good time with you and we do, we do most always have good times, right? But I get stuck suffering when I have dairy and it pisses me off cause I want to enjoy the finer things in life. I mean, why is it so difficult for me to eat a quesadilla or a slice of pizza for instance, without having to climb walls in agony? I need a stomach transplant. I have never seen anyone in all my life put hot sauce on just about every meal they have and not blink an eye. You walk around as if hot sauce was a pinch of pepper…I don’t know how you do it. If I even glance at hot sauce I immediately get cramps.

Mono 3: Why do these guys have to play these stupid asinine games? Why do they have to have a dumb three day rule? I mean, if you like me and you are thinking about me, pick up your phone and dial my number. Right? Why play these games? What is it, so they don’t look desperate or something? They have to PROVE their manliness. Whippdiddy doo! Waiting three days is stupid and it gets the guy no where because by the time he does call, who wants to be bothered??? I’m certainly not going to wait around all damn day for HIS call. I’m not even going to answer the phone when he calls me. I’m going to make HIM wait now. See if he likes that.