Agnes Lee

On Christmas day, 1853, a girl named Agnes Lee was given an empty journal. Upon receiving the gift, she would chronicle her adolescent life in poetic detail. There is only one reason why Agnes Lee is a name slightly known, why her diary was even dared to be published a century later, titled “Growing Up In the 1850’s: The Journal of Agnes Lee”; her father was the confederate general Robert E. Lee. Born in 1841, Agnes Lee was raised in one of the most elite Virginian families of the South at the time. She grew up served by slaves and swaddled in the richness of the Arlington House, a mansion built originally in George Washington’s honor. 

Agnes and her sister Annie began to attend Stuart Hall in 1855, then named the Virginia Female Institute. Her diary reveals not only the experiences she had as a student, but also the intriguing nature of her character. When a newly arrived boarder at the school, her first impressions were clear enough. She writes:

“But I certainly forget I am a school girl, an inmate of the so called "Staunton Jail.” 

Agnes does not hesitate to express her distaste for the institution, for reasons not explicitly described. The term “Staunton Jail” could have been a reference to the school’s rules that stated no pupils could spend the night outside of the institute or receive calls at a specific time. It may be that she had an angst towards school that any other teenager would feel, both then and today. In the face of her dislike, the Virginia Female Institute was advertised as one of the most prestigious state schools “with a very large first class patronage from all the Southern States.” The first headmaster, Reverend Richard Phillips, also received doubt from Agnes. She commented on his handsomeness, but she was “still not so perfectly fascinated as most of the girls.” 

Agnes and her peers had a tightly enforced schedule. Everyday, boarders would start their morning, Agnes stated their rising hour was around five, with the “silent study of the Scrip-tures” and then onto worship. Agnes’ relationship with religion was present, yet loosely woven as a result of her health and “poor, weak, miserable nature”, as she describes herself. In several entries, she states how intense pains both in her feet and fingers prevented her from attending church.  

“The girls have all gone to church [.] so alone, home sick & in pain I must pour out my sad thoughts to my journal as Madeline used to do.”

Her chronic pain made her often bed-ridden. Her pastime while incapacitated would include reading, especially the 1822 book Madeline, as alluded to in the quote above. Agnes often related herself to the novel’s main character, named Madeline, a woman of low social standing forced to keep her marriage with a wealthy man secret. Agnes was seemingly drawn to the emotional suffering that the novel’s heroine succumbed to. Doubts and insecurities are expressed as much as her physical issues throughout the journal. She writes: 

“I am generally thought [to] feel-bright & gay as other girls are, but I confess there are times when I feel scarcely sensible, when my poor weak, miserable nature makes me despise myself with a force which no language of mine can describe, then every slight, every sarcasm, every neglect seems to go my very heart almost to breaking.”

On the topic of religion, Agnes also describes her conflicted relationship with Christianity. She is consistently vague with her words while expressing her desire to be truly Christian, while some other force of nature was preventing her from doing so. She writes:

“I have tried, but my heart seems shut up, it is so hard!”

She even claims that she has thoughts of being “doomed”, at risk of never being “good”. There is nothing in these entries to specify exactly what she means by these dark notions. Much curiosity surrounds what made her feel like she was not fulfilling her idea of what it means to be Christian.  

Amongst the turmoil, Agnes still recognizes the funny moments she had as a student. She was an adolescent not immune to young antics. One notable entry describes Agnes and her friends burning wood and putting the ashes on their faces to create mustaches. She mentions attending several soirees and fancy balls. Her experience at the Virginia Female Institute was not devoid of joyous times. 

Agnes’ diary is a testament to her humanity. It is relatively easy to look at an old picture, to see an old name, and to be content with knowing a decimal of that person’s history. While it is impossible to know everybody’s story, and unrealistic to expect people to, it is crucial to recognize that everybody has a story. Agnes Lee was a privileged, wealthy woman of a notorious family. She was also a worried teenager that dreaded school as much as the rest of us. 

References:

National Park Service: Eleanor Agnes Lee 

https://www.nps.gov/arho/learn/historyculture/eleanor-lee.htm

“Growing up in the 1850’s: The Journal of Agnes Lee”

https://uncpress.org/9780807842430/growing-up-in-the-1850s/

Sckolher Berry