Liza Corona Ibarra

My name is Diamond. My momma named me that because she says that I was always like her precious stone. I’m 17 in this story I’m about to tell you, and a soon to be senior in like less than a month. If I were to describe myself, I’d say I’m kind of a dork. I don’t really like to go out as much, don’t really have many friends to talk to. Unlike my little brother Adam, he’s the rebel in the house. Always skipping school, doing what he wants around the house, yet for some reason, my momma always gives him the glory. She says he’s the man in the house even though he’s barely around. Although he’s younger than me, he’s taller than me and Momma. Adam was 14 and he’s the type to go out with his street friends and not come back till a day or two later. My Momma and I tried to put him on the right path, but no matter how hard we tried, he seemed to be getting worse every time. He started acting this way when he found out how my dad died. How did he die you ask? Nothing new, two white police officers shot him one day. Momma said that when my little brother was only a couple months old, he was crying a lot because he wanted milk but there wasn’t any. So dad put on his black hoodie, went to the liquor store that’s around the corner at 2 a.m., and never came back. Did we get justice? No, because for some reason the court found a way to justify why the police shot him. According to them, “He looked suspicious and then started running.” My brother blames himself for our father’s death but even though me and Momma told him that it wasn’t, he never seemed to understand.

I lived in a neighborhood that’s more of a middle class area. We weren’t living in one with the gangs, nor did we live with big rich looking houses either. I liked my neighborhood but there’s hardly anyone that looked like me. I’m dark skinned and so is the rest of my family. But a reason why I liked my neighborhood is because I found it a good place to run in. I’d go on runs to get my mind off things, also to keep in shape and stay healthy. I lived only a few blocks away from my school, Eleanor Roosevelt High School. A place where there’s diversity if you’d just clump the school as a whole; but during lunch, everyone is segregated within their own race or what defines their identity. But what about me? Where do I stand? That’s what I was trying to figure out too. My story begins here.

“Hey stupid, what’s up with it?!,” says Adam as he’s gently pushing my head to the right. Then he heads to the kitchen and opens up a soda can from the counter. I’m on the couch listening to music and finishing up my summer assignment for AP stats. Then for some reason, I lay my books down and I look up at him and wonder where he was at all day.

“The food’s in the fridge,” I say to Adam. As usual, before Momma left for work, she made spaghetti for the two of us. I still haven’t eaten yet. I look over to him and I notice he’s wearing some new shoes.

“Where were you?” I ask him.

“I went to Nunya,” replies Adam as he opens the fridge reaching for the bowl.

“Wow, you’re hilarious.” I say sarcastically. “Where’d you get them new kicks? I don’t remember Momma buying them for you.”

“What’s with all these questions? You’re hella nosy bruh, worry ‘bout yourself!” Adam says, purposely avoiding my question. I remain quiet and grab my book until I hear Adam say, “Ew it’s spaghetti again! Is this what we gonna eat till the rest of our fuckin life. I’m tired of this shit!” He tosses the bowl back into the fridge and slams it shut.

“You know you should at least be grateful that Momma still thinks about you when she’s cooking.”

“Yea well I don’t need her too”, says Adam. Then he leaves the kitchen, goes to his room and slams the door.

I just don’t get it. He’s not even a sophomore yet and he acts like he’s experienced so much more than me. He acts like I'm not aware of the world around me. When he comes home, the cleaning is all done, thanks to who? Me. I study my ass off to try and pass all my classes. At least then I’ll have some hope that I can provide my family with a better life. I have dreamed so much for him but no matter what, I can’t seem to get him to understand that he gotta get his shit together. I wish that he would understand my life and how much effort I put into this family too. I wish he would understand the shit I go through on the daily, being a woman of color, and still managing to get my shit together.

Summer is at its peak now and there are only 3 more days till the new school year. It’s a Saturday night and I’m on my bed waiting till Momma comes so she can buy me my new school supplies. She usually doesn’t come back till 2 am, but she promised me that she’ll be back by 10 pm today. I’ve waited and waited, but I ended up waking up the next day. I went to her room and I see her in her bed sleeping. Momma is all tucked under her bed sheets and I couldn’t bear waking her up. Instead, I went to the kitchen and made her some pancakes. I open the fridge to reach for the orange juice that’s dam near half empty. I pour it onto a mug that I made her back in fourth grade. Momma always used to say that that was her favorite mug. I grabbed her food and juice and headed to her room. But on my way over there, I noticed that Adam’s door was partly open. Which I thought was strange, because he always had his door closed. I set Momma’s food on a small table that’s in the hallway and I started walking to my brother’s room. I quietly opened his door just a bit until I hear him crying. My little brother. Crying?! I then open it all the way and say, “Hey Adam, are you okay?”

He looks up at me and quickly wipes his tears away from his soft face and says, “Why are you in here?! You know you aren’t allowed to be here. Get out!” He gets up from his bed, grabs my right arm tightly, shoves me into the hallway, and then slams the door in my face.

“Adam, I just want to know what’s wrong. Why can’t I help you?”

I say. I wait a moment to see if he’ll say something in return, but he didn’t. I gave up and grabbed Momma’s breakfast and headed upstairs.

“Momma, you’re up?” I whisper as I start entering her room. She’s still sleeping surprisingly, so I lay down the tray on her nightstand. I then exit the room and go to my room.

It’s around 2pm and for some reason, I still don’t know why Momma isn’t up yet. She goes to work in less than 2 hours and Momma still has to drive to the nanny's place. I then go back into her room only to find her still in bed. I figured she had a tough day yesterday. I go over to wake her up. I lift up the bed sheets that were over her, only to find my momma’s body covered in her own blood. I scream. I start panicking.

I start yelling from the top of my lungs, “Adam! Adam! Adam! Help me! Come fast!” My eyes are filled with tears as I’m running to my room to get my phone to call the police.

I enter my room and I see Adam sitting on my bed. He’s still in tears and he’s just laying there not moving at all. I’m confused and scared at the same time.

“Adam what?! Why aren’t you moving?! Mom is dead! Why aren’t you doing anything!” I shout. But he’s just sitting on my bed in tears. I then ignore he’s even there and search for my phone. I look over to him and then look at my nightstand where my phone was, then back at him. “Adam where’s my phone?” I say as I’m wiping the tears off my face, “I know I left it right there!”

“You don’t need it”, Adam tries to say.

“What do you mean I don’t need it?! Momma is DEAD we need the police here NOW!”

“Exactly Momma is dead, there’s nothing we can do about that. The only thing the police is going to do is take her body away and take us both to foster care. Momma was all we had left. Me and you are still underage. They are obviously going to separate us. You won’t be able to finish your high school. You won’t be able to see me no more.”

What Adam said took me a while to digest. I didn’t want to listen, I didn’t want to believe that my mother is dead. I had mixed feelings everywhere. I was confused, afraid, and devastated. I said, “Adam get the fuck out of my room, NOW!”

Adam left and I’m on the floor crying. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I was sobbing for a good hour or so. I kept thinking on why my brother didn’t say anything to me when he found out Momma was dead. He just told me to not call the police. I cried some more. I get up, and go into my drawer and reach for my green stone necklace Momma gave me for my 13th birthday. She worked so hard to save up for this stone that I saw on a lady fortune teller’s neck one day. I told her that the necklace was beautiful and on my birthday she surprised me with the same one. She used to say that if I’m ever in a position to where I can’t mentally stable myself, that I should hold onto this stone close to my heart and take in a couple of deep breaths. And so I do. I’m on my bed when the last tear rolls down my cheek and onto my stone before I’m able to fall asleep with it.

It’s the first day of school and I get up at 7:30am from my bed. I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

“Ahhhhhhh!!” I scream so loud that a couple of minutes later Adam goes into my room really concerned and panicky.

“What’s wro- Ahhhhhh!!” It didn’t take us long enough to figure out that we both had switched bodies. We both look at each other in the mirror and scream some more.

“This is fucking insane. How are you me, and I’m you? Why on the first day of school?” I say.

“I don’t know but yesterday I called someone to dispose of Momma’s body properly but

I’m supposed to meet up with him in a couple of minutes, I can’t go to him looking like you.” Adam took a moment to think, while I’m looking at him? At me? “Diamond, you’re just gonna have to go yourself and pay him this.” He hands me a small bag of money.

“Adam where in the world were you able to get this much money, you don’t even work?!”

“Diamond that’s beside the point, you have to get ready now. Go into my room and put on some of my baggy clothes. He’ll be here around 8 something. I’ll be in the kitchen in case something goes wrong; but all you have to do is hand over the money and show him the way to Momma’s room.”

“You can’t stay here! I still have school. If you’re not going then that’s on you, but if we both don’t attend wouldn’t it be obvious something is happening? Besides it’s the first day, they wouldn’t give out homework or lesson plans on the first day. Basically all you have to do is be present. I don’t have friends so you don’t really have to worry about that either.” I state.

“It sounds risky, but I guess you have a point.” Adam says with hesitation. “ Are you sure

you know what to do?”

“Yes!” I say frightened

“Look, I’ll go to school for you, but my phone will be on me at all times in case something goes wrong.” Adam says as he pats my right shoulder. That made me feel a lot better. “Now go to my room and change, and um also… promise me to not look down there.” Adam says very awkwardly.

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t. I’ll just put your baggy sweats over my shorts. You should get dressed too. I don’t want to be late on my first day.” I then hug him tightly and he hugs me back. “Momma would’ve loved to see us like this. I say as a tear rolls down my cheek.

“Yea she would’ve.” He then clears his throat and let’s go of me. I then leave my room and go to his.

When Adam left the house about 30 minutes later I saw a man outside in front of a white Van walking towards the door. I open it.

“Hey Adam. You got the dough”. Says the strange man.

I’m assuming that “dough” meant money so I said, “Yee it’s inside.” I open the door for him more so he can walk in. I hand over the bag and say “Here just like you asked.” He started counting the money but I’m pretty sure he was mostly skimming since there was a lot of money to be counting dollar by dollar.

“Nice making business.” He smiles. “Now where’s the body?”

“Oh, she’s upstairs. The first room to you’re right. Do you need me to take you?” I said asked.

“Nah I got it. You shouldn’t have disobeyed Dracula, look now you ain’t got no Momma.” Said the strange man. Then he went upstairs and I went into the kitchen. I texted Adam that the strange man was in the house and that he’s in Momma’s room already.

When the guy left, he left me a note with an address on it, which I’m assuming is where Momma will be buried. I go into my mom’s room only to find clean sheets on the bed as if nothing ever happened there. I was then wondering why the strange man told Adam that he shouldn’t have disobeyed Dracula. And who even was this Dracula person? I then go into my room to lay on my bed only to find my green stone still there. I ended up taking a nap.

I woke up to Adam screaming that he’s home, since that’s what I always do when I come back home from anywhere I go. I go downstairs and he asks me to go sit down, and so I did. “What’s up?” I asked him.

“Umm, I just wanted to let you know, that I’m sorry for all the stupid shit I would tell you back before this switch happened.” Adam stated apologetically.

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked.

“Today at school, lots of people were calling you mean names. They practically called you every hateful word in the book. I tried to say something in return but that only led to you almost getting suspended.”

“Adam! You sent me to the principal's office on the first day?!” I exclaimed

“Well yea… kinda. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I just wanted to stand up for you. But that’s not it. I noticed that in most of your classes, your assigned seats were always near the front. Teachers kept looking at me with an eye. At first I thought it was because of what I was wearing, but then I realized there is nothing appealing to a basic pair of jeans and a hoodie outfit; and if I’m being honest, that made me really uncomfortable .”

“Yea no sweat. Teachers always put me in the front, especially because of my, our, skin color. They assume I’m a slacker.” I irritatedly stated.

“And also, on my way over here, I heard some boys trying to holla at me. I looked back and it was a crowd of boys looking my direction. They started yelling your name, telling me if you wanted to have a good time with them again. I was never in that type of position and it threw me off the bat but I didn’t want to show that I was scared a bit; so I started walking faster. That has never happened to me before but I do admit that I would holla at women like that when I would be hanging out with my friends. And just having that shit come back at me like that really opened my eyes. Does this happen all the time you head outside? How do they even know your name?” Adam asked with a deeper sense of empathy.

“Well, not all the time, but it does happen pretty often; that’s why I started carrying pepper spray on me all the time. Check the front pocket of my backpack. And well I knew one of them months ago when me and Momma went out at night one day to look for you. Momma went one way and I went another and I came across them.” I drifted into space for a bit remembering the incident and with a shaking voice I say, “Also, I accept your apology. It truly means a lot. It’s not easy doing well in school when the own system is against me” I say. “Oh yea and I was gonna ask you, who’s Dracula?” Adam’s eye’s got really big and then he looked away. “The guy that came in today told you that you shouldn’t have disobeyed. I didn’t want to think that this Dracula guy was some sort of drug lord, but by the way that you turned away and can’t bear to look at me I’m assuming he is.” Tears start falling down my cheeks, “He is isn’t he?” I yelled, pushing his left shoulder back just a bit, “Why Adam!?”

“I had to. I had to get money somehow. No job was going to accept a 14 year old. The night before Momma died, I had to give Dracula the money for some dope I had collected over the week. I didn’t. I saw the money in my hands, and it was a lot of it. I then took a good amount of it and kept it in my room. That’s where I was able to buy the new shoes that I was wearing that night. I was gonna save up and return the money but Dracula is no fool and one of my homeboys told me he sent someone out to kill you. That night I was in your room with a gun when you were asleep, trying to protect you, after I had locked Momma’s room just in case. I guess that someone found a way into Momma’s window because when I realized no one was coming into your bedroom, I went to her room only to find her dead. From there, I didn’t know what to do and I was really scared, so the only thing I thought of was wrapping Momma under her sheets. I’m really sorry Diamond. I didn’t mean for none of this to happen I swear.” Adam started crying.

“I don’t know whether I should thank you for protecting me or hate you because of your dumb mind that all it cares about is materialistic shit that it made you kill your own mother. Our mother!” I’m yelling at him at this point, crying more and more after every word I yell.

“I know and I’m sorry I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean it.” He yells at me too.

It takes me that whole afternoon to calm down just a bit and to have some guts to talk to my brother. I was in my room just thinking and thinking of what to do in this situation, until I finally thought of to do. It’s late at night now and as I’m walking into Adam’s room, I noticed that he’s looking up at the sky probably talking to Momma. “Can I come in?” I asked.

He just looks at me and then turns back to his window, “Yea come in.”

“Hey Adam, I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I went off on you earlier. I was just really mad and out of control, I--”

Adam interrupted,“It’s fine you don’t have to apologize I deserved it anyway.”

I stand next to him and look out the window, “I miss her so much too.” I then look at him and place the necklace that Momma gave me on his neck and I say, “I love you brother, and I’ll always love you, but you gotta know how to deal with the consequences.” I then leave his room and close the door.

“Diamond, what do you mean?” He yells from over the door.

I say, “I didn’t want to do this but you let the system fuck with your mind. You let them convince you that you are not worth more than a stupid drug dealer. You let em brainwash you into thinking materialistically. I know you didn’t kill Momma but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a drug dealer.”

“I do it because it’s the only way I can get by! I was saving up money to help Momma get that house she always wanted. I know how much effort you put into your school that’s why I was also saving up so that you can go to college. Don’t believe me? Get in here and look in my fukin closet. The two jars are clearly labeled.”

“Adam, as much as I’ll hate myself for doing this, I know it’s for the better. I called the cops and they’re on their way right now.”

“ Diamond! I risked my life out there in them streets for you guys everyday, and you come at me with this shit!” Suddenly I hear sirens getting louder and louder. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” He says with a shaky voice. I can tell he’s panicking.

When I finally decided to open the door, Adam was gone. I guess he had forgotten that I’m still in his body, and if the police were here, they would take me and not him. I go into the porch and the police right away point a gun at me. I have both my hands up high and I slowly walk to them. One cop shoves me onto the ground to handcuff me, then forcefully grabs my shoulder to bring me back up. And until this day I’m still locked up in prison. Writing to you hoping you can one day read this and understand why I could no longer provide for you. I love you Pearl.

Chorus>>

This lame old system, it can't ---- with me

If it wanted to

They’re offensive, They got mad problems

They got issues too

Hit them books, put down the remote

Let's start to be awake

Time to link, cut the system off

They’re way too comfortable

Look, I don't care now

I make justice moves

---- the government

I make justice moves

If you think what i say is weak

You’re just too f--- blind boo

Time to toss, colonial minds

And make justice moves

Ever been in a victim's shoes

Let's find out and see, Christine Blasey

Sexually assaulted

By Brett Kavanaugh

He’s in the club just to party

She’s there, she’s about fifteen

Pushed and pinned her to a bed holding

Her mouth so she won’t scream

Disgustingly, tried to attack

And remove her clothing

He still standing in position of

power surprisingly

Kavanaugh responds with this

“Claim being ridiculous”

There’s no pictures, where’s the prof?”

Trump says in his interview

Look, the s--- that he did was rape

Why the ---- she’d lie for views

Receives death threats every day

She had to move from her place

Yet trump still claims this is fake?

This ain’t okay

These men can do what they want

Rape and kill ain’t important

This is a conflict

There is no sense of remorse

I got my brains in the front

I'm no longer playing sweet

Know they all just hatin me

We must stand up and defeat

Those in power called elites

No more dozing on them pills

We ain't got no time to chill

Kick Brett out, I’ll count to three

Till he only runnin treadmills

Chorus>>

This lame old system, it can't ---- with me

If it wanted to

They’re offensive, They got mad problems

They got issues too

Hit them books, put down the remote

Let's start to be awake

Time to link, cut the system off

They’re way too comfortable

Look, I don't care now

I make justice moves

---- the government

I make justice moves

If you think what i say is weak

You’re just too ----- blind boo

Time to toss, colonial minds

And make justice moves