peanutbutter:thesimulator

Peanut Butter: The Simulator

You can skip this one. Really.

This is a simple game I made for a Ludum Dare 48 hour game development competition back in 2004. In a Ludum Dare competition, the community picks a theme at the start of a weekend, and by the end of the weekend you make your game around that theme.

This time I saw:

"Theme: Infection: make a game involving the spread of something. A virus, coffee shops, etc"

So I made a game about spreading peanut butter.

It's about as fun as you would expect.

If you must, the download link is here: http://jimmylands.com/Peanut Butter Simulator.zip

Here is the User's Manual.

A user's manual.

Peanut butter spreading, as experts world-wide must be aware, has two primary phases. Initially, there is the dippage. Finally, there is the spreadage. Both of these phases are critical to the process; while flames have long burned on Usenet posting grounds debating which is the most vital to excellent in peanut butter application, experts worldwide will admit that both are so important that only a complete madman would dare shirk the practice of either.

DIPPAGE

Background Information:

Since we assume that most users of "Peanut Butter: The Simulator" are serious practitioners of the art, we represent dipping with only the best, tournament grade interface: the simple, yet alluringly intricate Dippage Meter (tm). This meter is an accurate replica of the very same meter used by Morpheus in his home-cooking days to win the 17th International Peanut Butter Spreading Championship, and is now whole-heartedly endorsed by the International Butter Spreader's Standards Committee (IBSSC). It is sold in supermarkets near you.

For those few poor souls who have not had the pure joy of utilizing an official Dippage Meter (tm), we will take the liberty of explaining the fundamentals of meter use. Be forewarned, however, that the intricacies involved are far beyond the scope of this document, and indeed are the subject of many thesis papers emerging from today's top universities; true expertise can only be obtained with hours of daily practice.

Simulation Usage:

Hold space to dip the knife in the peanut butter -- the longer you dip, the more butter you'll get for spreading, but the more time you'll waste not spreading. A dilemma indeed, which has plagued practitioners of the art for millennia. Though no conclusion has been reached regarding the optimal dip time, we do know that those who dip excessively play an dangerous game; reaching the dip danger zone has been known to put undue strain on the peanut butter supply, and repetition of this procedure could endanger the peanut as a species.

SPREADAGE

Background Information:

While we would like to pretend that fancy gadgetry and the technological triumphs which may well lead to robots sufficiently intelligent and self-aware to conquer all humanity would have some application to this most difficult of conundrums, alas, it is not so. Technological prowess has not yet been shown to triumph over the pure finesse of a grandmaster in the art peanut butter spreading. In respect of this deeply meaningful truth, "Peanut Butter: The Simulator" requires that players hone their talents the old-fashioned way, with an optimally fashioned butter knife. We have, however, allowed the player one small concession to the benefit of technological enhancement -- the pressure light. The featured UltraSense (tm) variable-intensity feedback light uses advanced gamma-radio technology to communicate with millions of pressure sensors strategically positioned about the knife's blade, reporting variations in peanut-butter application pressure far more minute than those which mere human hands could hope to detect. As any serious butter-artist must already know, the UltraSense (tm) was selected, by five major statistics collection agencies, as the primary cause of the 50% rise in spreader efficiency just weeks after its market release.

Purchasers of the Console version may also enjoy a rumble-pack implementation of pressure feedback, which may greatly add to the realism of the spreading experience.

Simulation Usage:

Move the mouse up to move the knife toward the bread, down to move away, and left-right to swipe the knife side to side. The up and down arrow keys shift the knife outward and inward respectively, while left-right key presses rotate the bread to allow the user to pick an optimal angle of application. Excess pressure on the bread can lead to bread tear, which removes peanut butter and thins the bread itself, putting the very spread into jeopardy: if bread tear is detected in Peanut Butter: The Simulator, the player will immediately lose and be forced to discard the slice because, at the tournament level, no judge in his or her right mind could accept such an atrocity for scoring. Bread tear must be avoided at all costs.

OVERALL

In accordance with IBSSC regulations, peanut butter spreading is ranked for duration and completeness of spread. A spreader is given as much or as little time as they require for their task, and graded by a complex heuristic which fairly considers a plethora of factors, including but not limited to the following four primary factors:

(1) The minimization of bread tear, which is critical to a satisfying spread.

(2) The quantity of peanut butter applied: the more, the better.

(3) The fairness of peanut butter distribution, as if such is uneven this can have enormous impact upon the quality of a spread, and has been known to ruin sandwiches which may otherwise have been the greatest ever conceived by mankind.

(4) The duration required to generate the spread, as, although we accept that a masterpiece may take years to create, we recognize that 100 slightly inferior spreads will most likely have similar if not greater commercial value.

To grade a spread at any time, press enter. Remember, however, that one cannot continue the same spread once it has been graded, as tournament rules recognize the importance of developing a talent for estimating spread quality on one's own; in non-tournament situations the luxury of an expert spread-judgment panel's feedback may not be available and so reliance upon such would be unrealistic.

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My email is zaphos@gmail.com