Craziness of End Times Claims

What Makes People Think This is The End?
A while ago I saw an issue of "The Watchtower" as the wind tossed it about my driveway. In general, I do not make it a habit of responding to such ridiculous writings, but that day I decided to make an exception.
The front cover reads, "6 Bible Prophecies You Are Seeing Fulfilled."
Now, take into consideration that what I am writing here is my opinion of
the article, and in no way is representative of "The Watchtower" or of the
individuals who write and publish "The Watchtower" or of any church or
religious group associated in any way with "The Watchtower."
The very first prophecy that is listed as being presently fulfilled is earthquakes. The article states that a common objection to earthquakes being a sign of fulfilled prophecy is, "....because of modern technology, we are just more aware of them than people were in the past," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 4).

In the very next paragraph on the
very same page the article states, "The Bible does not emphasize the number of earthquakes during the last days. However, it does say that great earthquakes will occur....making them one of the notable features of this momentous period of history." As part of their validation for this claim it is also stated, "At least 18 major earthquakes occurred earth wide between April 2009 and April 2010," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 4).
It is especially irritating to individuals such as myself to hear or read this type of poppycock that is really nothing more than a fear based, inaccurate assertion. They try desperately to make it seem as though numerous and terrible earthquakes are so few in the past and are presently on the rise. This is straight up horse shit. We populate a living planet. A living planet. The ground moves and the waves crash and the volcanoes erupt and the storms rage. In case the authors of the ridiculous article found in "The Watchtower" do not know it this planet has done these things since the beginning of time.
Great earthquakes have always happened in all kinds of places all over this planet. The writers of the article would have you believe that the quakes are a sign from God or prophecy. That is the same shit psycho religious groups and people said back in the 1930's through the 1940's when there were 54 good sized earthquakes in various places around the world.

Only 9 of these were under 7.0 in magnitude with the lowest being a 5.7 magnitude. And this is not counting ANY of the earthquakes under 5.7
Uber-religious crackpots who were more than happy to label Hitler as the antichrist, World War II as a harbinger of the dreaded Armageddon, and Jesus knocking on the front door pointed to 15 monster quakes of 7.1 or higher that occurred between 1940 and 1945. They were also eager to point out that in only the first five years of the 1940's the world had already seen
nearly the full amount of mega earthquakes that occurred in the entire 1930's decade...which is 21. Eventually, there would be a total of 33 mega earthquakes in the 1940's decade, with ten of those having a magnitude of 8.0 or higher. With any luck, those who wrote the article in "The Watchtower" will go to the USGS website and look up this data.


The second prophecy that is listed as being fulfilled is famine. As you may know famine is something that has plagued mankind from the beginning of history, much like earthquakes. Among the listed 'facts' is, "Worldwide, almost 1 person in 7 does not get enough to eat each day," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 5). This article further states, "...Human governments should be able to manage earth's food supply to solve the hunger problem. However, even after decades of trying, they have been unable to do so," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 5).

Authors of this article fail to point out many of the causes of famine and
instead try to lead the reader to believe there is simply a basic overall shortage of food on the planet. This is terribly misleading, for while there are some instances of food shortage in specific areas many times the reason for that shortage is the implementation of government policy gone awry, war, and soil that is losing its ability to sustain crops. A fine example
of government policy gone terribly wrong is The Great Leap forward in China, which according to Wikipedia, "...Produced the largest famine in absolute numbers."

The number of people dying from famine has declined, historically

speaking. During the Middle Ages no less than one hundred famines
contributed to a mind-boggling loss of human life...nearly two-thirds of the population at that time. Of course, a contributing factor was the Bubonic Plague. The point is that while there are still millions of people dying from starvation due to famine (no one is disputing that fact), but overall it is still far less than the numbers of past centuries. Overall, more and more countries are working together to help bring food to those nations who need it the most.

And while everyone is
unfortunately not being saved, many more people are surviving than would have in decades and centuries past. The best proof in debunking this particular so-called prophecy being fulfilled is the increasing number of people on the planet. The population has increased by leaps and bounds, and by the year 2050 some predict the population of earth to grow to over 9 billion people. This could not happen if famine was controlling as much of the planet as those who wrote this article in "The Watchtower" would have you believe.

The third prophecy that is listed as being fulfilled is the
prevalence of disease. The article states, "In a recent year,
these five categories of disease (lower respiratory diseases,
diarrhea diseases, HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, and malaria)
killed an estimated 10.7 million individuals," (The
Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 6).

The article then alludes that man's ability to diagnose and treat disease has increased dramatically, stating, "Logically, then, should not disease be losing its grip
on the human family? Yet, just the opposite is happening." ( The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 6).

What a load of shit! Have the authors of this article
NOT looked at the numbers of people that were killed
by smallpox in decades and centuries past? All they
tell you is the number of people dying from disease.

They do not tell you that diseases such as smallpox
and rinderpest have been eradicated, and if they had not the numbers of people dying from disease would be a whole hell of a lot higher than 10.7 million.

The World Health Organization is on the verge of announcing the eradication of poliomyelitis, and countries such as Czechoslovakia have already announced such in their country.

Many regions also saw the
eradication of diseases such as measles. The United States, Australia, and Western Europe have already eliminated malaria from their regions.

So, as you can see the authors
of this article have again failed to relay all of the facts, and have also twisted the few facts that they did choose to relay.

The fourth prophecy that this article in
"The Watchtower" claims is currently being fulfilled is a lack of natural love. Again, they cite only a few statistics to bolster their claim, stating, "In one African country, approximately 1 out of every 3 women has been sexually abused as a child," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 7) and also stating, "In Canada, for example, nearly 3 out of 10 men have been battered or otherwise abused by their partners," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 7).

Obviously those are horrible statistics and I am in no way refuting their truth, but these statistics are not representative of all countries, all cultures, all ethnic groups, both genders, all types of relationships (hetero or homosexual/lesbian) or all types of demographic groups. In addition, with
so many associations and groups being formed to offer help to those being abused, more and more people are getting the courage to stand up for themselves and ask for help.

Another issue that should be mentioned here is the emergence of many
state governments and the federal government, and even governments
around the world to at least talk about recognizing the love shared between gay and lesbian couples as just as valid as the love shared by heterosexual couples. That right there is an indicator of the INCREASE in the recognition of the natural love people have for one another.

The fifth prophecy that is listed as being currently fulfilled is the ruining
of the earth. The article states, "If population and consumption trends continue, we will need the equivalent of two earths by 2035," (The
Watchtower, May 1, issue, page 8). What this article does not reveal is any of the efforts that are currently underway to help stop the depleting of earth's resources.

Electric and hybrid vehicles, wind and solar energy machinations, technologies to help reduce soil erosion and depletion, and
rising recycling efforts are not mentioned.
The article states, "The earth continues to be polluted on a grand scale," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 8), and while this is true TO AN EXTENT what they do not tell you is each year more and more programs and efforts are organized and put into motion to help counter or reduce pollution and its impact on this planet.

Now, take into consideration
that if people are doing better and better each year with their resource consumption and their efforts to combat pollution then trends are obviously changing for the better...and the implied message of the article that nothing is being done is bogus.


The sixth and last prophecy that is listed as being fulfilled is really a self-serving interpretation of a biblical passage, "This good news of the kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth," (Matthew 24:14). There are plenty of religious groups and individuals who have used this verse and similar verses to mean that the fact they are spreading their brand of Jesus around the globe is an indicator of being in the end times.

Anyone can take just about any action and find any number of biblical scriptures that will back up whatever claim is being made. The article states that, "...Many have preached something about the bible's message. However, most have done so only for a brief time and on a limited scale," (The Watchtower, May 1, 2011 issue, page 9).
I suggest that the authors of this article go back and study their religious history a little more closely. They will be very surprised by the HUGE numbers of people throughout all of history who have spread Roman Catholicism, various forms of Christianity, Islam, or Judaism very persistently and to far more people over HUNDREDS or in some cases THOUSANDS of years.
Asserting that such things happened only briefly or on a limited scale is truly stupid. Do the authors of the article forget that when the Americas were 'discovered' various versions of Christianity and Roman Catholicism were pushed on the Native Americans? If such efforts were so fleeting, why are the countries of Central and South America more than eighty percent Catholic?  

For those individuals and religious groups who write this sort of
crackerjack in an effort to literally scare the crap out of people so they will convert to any number of twisted faiths, well, I have a suggestion for you:

you insist on trying to associate natural disasters with end times theories you need to do better research and maybe even change your story a tad...because as it stands now it does not take a particularly intelligent person to poke all kinds of holes in your stories. Make it as least a little more challenging to disprove.

And if Christian/Religious groups around the world insist on predicting something, why don't they predict something wonderful that everyone can share NO MATTER WHAT THEIR BELIEF OR LACK OF BELIEF?!



 If someone desires to share a message of faith, then make that message one that is not contingent on whether or not a person believes in a special way, reads a special book, worships in a special manner, believes in a special being, takes a specific creation myth as truth, or follows the tenets of a special group.

"Turkey Broth for the Spirit: Confessions of a Born Again Atheist" is the second book in the Turkey Broth Series and is available at:
Here is another sample chapter from "Turkey Broth for the Spirit: for the Theologian's Spirit"

 This is a work of fiction. God the Instigator, any of the other facets of God, and Ester Lighthorse DO NOT RECOMMEND that you try any of the actions mentioned in this divine essay. It is FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. If some idiot or asshole tries any of the actions in this divine essay I hope they get caught, stuffed away in some dark dungeon somewhere, and forced to become pals with Lithium De Los Prozac.
Setting the Stage for a Good Old Fashioned Riot
By: God the Instigator

    Are you tired of the same old humdrum monotony of every day life? Do you find yourself to be going insane with a lack of excitement? If so, I now offer to you one of the best ways to spice up your life: Plan and execute a good old fashioned riot.
    Riots are without a doubt one of the best ways with which to cure chronic boredom. Riots have also been known to result in very interesting and palatable side effects to include helping or hindering political agendas and assisting individuals in getting away with murder. The rioting crowds that gathered around the Berlin Wall helped to bring it down with a resounding thud. During the year 2000 Presidential Elections in the United States, a time when the entire world directed it’s eyes and ears to a situation that was really quite hilarious, the threat of crowds mass rioting helped to stop the court proceedings that would most certainly have proven the proclaimed winner a lying cheat. Pity. I bet ‘The People’ would have enjoyed a couple of days of burning cars, destroying buildings, and calling in sick to work.

    I did say riots could help an individual get away with murder, right? Well, here is the proof. The jury that found a certain aged football hero not guilty of two murders did so not because they thought he was actually not guilty. With visions of looters rummaging through businesses as though they were searching for Easter Eggs and visions of thugs beating the piss out of countless innocent citizens still fresh in their memory, the jury found him not guilty because they realized that Los Angeles was not prepared to weather another riot so soon on the heels of the last one. Such a shame. If the jury could have held out for another six months I bet the city could have worked up enough capital for at least a three day riot.

    Speaking of capital, what many people fail to realize is with a little genius and a lot of savvy, money can be made on riots. Remember that defunct Berlin Wall? Did you know many people earned loads of money selling off pieces of the wall as souvenirs? Super idea.

    So, once you have decided that you want to have a riot it is important to consider proper rioting techniques. Failure to do so will result in your riot being a dud and not worth any jail time you may earn. The most important point to consider is where to have your riot. Riots and real estate share the first three important rules of location, location, location. Choose a location that will help your riot bloom and develop into full scale chaos. Top riot locations include elections, natural disasters, weddings, funerals, down towns of major cities, abortion clinics, country border towns, courthouses, schools, church, the mall, and sports stadiums.

    In reality there are only three locations that are not riot friendly. These are your home, the library, and a casino. You should never host a riot in your home. A home riot would most certainly destroy everything you own. Of course, if you are going through a bitter divorce and know your ex will probably be awarded half of everything you own, then definitely have a riot in your home. This way, your bitch or asshole of an ex can have everything…but it won’t be worth dick!

    Rioting at a library is completely unrealistic since most libraries are dreadfully small and cannot hold the adequate numbers of people necessary to sustain your riot. Such a shame, since a book thrown like a screwball makes a wonderful weapon. Casinos are the last of the riot unfriendly locations and there are two reasons for this. First, casinos are always crawling with wanna-be cops, real cops, and other security personnel both armed and unarmed. Secondly, the majority of gamblers are very one-track minded and will not budge from their slot machines or card tables as they could give two shits and a rat’s ass about your riot.

    Once you have decided on and mapped out your riot location you are ready to begin. All you need to do in order to begin is proclaim your beef. This means that as loudly as possible you should let everyone around you know what your problem is. If you can’t think of a problem simply make one up. Here are four examples: 1) “The governor smokes crack!” 2) “The moon landing was a hoax!” 3) “All banks have shut down and there is no more money!” 4) “California has just annexed Mexico!” Also, make use of catchy and incendiary slogans such as, “Hell no! We won’t go!”, “No justice, no damn freedom!”, “Give me liberty or give me death!”, “F**k the establishment!”, and “Power to the people!”

    Carrying picket signs is a wonderful way to add to the chaotic ambiance of the situation. However, you will want to make sure that you are using a picket sign with a wooden handle. This is because later on down the line you may wish to stick the sign up a cop’s ass to make a copsicle, or use it as a general weapon. Cops are quick to frisk people for the usual weapons, confiscating such items. However, for some reason they overlook the likelihood  of picket signs being used as weapons.

    Be sure that you are very, very over-dramatic in whatever it is you are doing. Ripping and tearing your clothing is a great way to increase crowd tensions as you will come across as a complete nut. What is even better, while you are whooping and hollering your issue drop to your knees, look up to the sky as if you are awaiting the return of Jesus the Messiah, and tear your shirt. This will make you appear as some type of martyr requesting help from God. Once you find a way to mix a little religion in with any riot it will automatically raise the riot to a higher and more deliciously dangerous situation. Trust me, nothing beats watching religious groups, even assumed religious groups duke it out. Seriously. Take the Protestants and Catholics in England and Ireland, for example. They’ve been fighting forever and I’m still not bored watching them fight.

    Now that you have started the first real steps of beginning your riot start turning up the heat. Turn around and give the people closest to you a good, hard shove. If possible, knock them down to the ground. If they do not respond aggressively simply spit on them or kick them in the nuts. Congratulations! You are now a hair’s breadth away from full scale riot.

    It is now at this point that you should take the first real destructive action by throwing something through a window. For whatever reason the sound of tinkling glass puts people into a frenzy. Toss a postal box through the nearest window and follow this action by shouting and chanting while you pump your fist in the air as though you have accomplished something really spectacular.

    You have the full attention of the masses now so stoke the hot ember’s of the riot’s anger by proceeding to throw  more items through windows. Throw bricks through windows as though you were practicing for the Olympic Shot-Putt. If you throw like a girl get the guy next to you to throw it by promising him sex. If you do not have bricks remember that rocks will serve as a suitable substitute. City bus stop benches are a great novelty to toss, however due to their immense weight it will be necessary to enlist the aid of at least four fellow rioters.

    You are now entering the exciting phase of full-blown riot. Overturn all cars in the vicinity by rocking them back and forth. For best effects do this to cop cars. Make some Molotov Cocktails for hot and spectacular excitement. Remember, since no riot is a good riot unless something burns to the ground be sure to set fire to anything even remotely flammable. Once the fires have started to merrily destroy buildings and other objects around you notice that the attention spans of cops are split between trying to bring the rioting crowds under control and trying to help fire crews put out the fires. At this time you should attack and capitalize on authority figures. Relieve cops of their weapons and when they fire the little tear gas projectiles in your direction be sure to toss them right back at the cops, preferably the cops without gas-mask protection.

    With any luck the riot you so cleverly constructed will last at least a couple of hours and at best a couple of days. Now you get to deal with the aftermath and the consequences of the riot. First things first, wash the pepper spray from your eyes. Secondly, use your one phone call to contact your attorney. Do not call friends and relatives as they cannot help you in your predicament. Thirdly, take the time to consider what possessions you can sell in order to post bail, that is if the court has not remanded you. Last, but certainly not least, ask yourself and give great consideration as to whether or not the riot and the aftermath were worth the trouble. If they weren’t then you either gave a half-ass effort or had zero clue about what you were doing. If they were worth it, BRAVO! Don’t let the five year prison sentence bother you. With a little good luck and a lot of good behavior you will serve only half that time and be released just in time to start another riot.

    I hope you have found my suggestions to be informative, feasible, and nothing short of pure, unadulterated mayhem. I bid you grace and peace.

    Happy rioting.


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