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From the book "The Tenement Gospel" (a spoof re-write of the New Testament) is the last book called:

Revelatin'

(Author's Note: Remember, this book of Revelatin' is from the Tenement Gospel and is therefore written in the original tenement language.)


The Book of Revelatin’

Chapter 1

            1 What it is, my brotha? This here be me revelatin’ to you about the Tenement Gospel as so stated by God his own self, so that the muthas who be prisoners of the Gospel of Disaster might be doin’ something to be settin’ theyselfs free.
            2 Now, the folks who be preachin’ the Gospel of Disaster be sayin’ that they scriptures be the complete and indelible truth, but this be a bunch of horse shit.
            3 The reason for this be simple, ‘aight? They main problem be that they faith be based on a load of frightening prophecies that be making no damn sense no how. Now that be what we gonna be talkin’ about here, you dig?
            4 But before I gets into tellin’ ya’ll what ya’ll should be lookin’ out for an’ shit, I wanna be greeting you and thankin’ you for being here and readin’ this, ‘aight?
            5 So, with all the love in the universe that be making up what God be, I bless you and hope that all thangs be goin’ well for you and all of yours, you dig? Know in your heart that wherever you are, so God is there also regardless of whether or not you want him to be.
            6 I have been charged by God and all that be making up what God be to write this book so that ya’ll know the truth about what to be expectin’ from the nut cases who be spoutin’ off about the Gospel of Disaster.
            7 Now, these things be coming to me through a dream, granted a really whacked out dream that in all fairness could have been a direct result of the mow I smoked. I am writin’ these things exactly as I herd ‘em or saw ‘em in my dream, ‘aight?
            8 In my dream I be standin’ on the most beautiful, white sand beach that be havin’ the most gorgeous blue water. And stuck in the white sand be these really cool lookin’ tiki torches.
            9 And standin’ near these tiki torches was this servant guy who be bringin’ anything I be askin’ for. So, I gots a really cool drink in a pineapple. Now the guy standin’ near the torches be havin’ Rasta braids and be smokin’ really great mow.
            10 And dude says to me, Ya’ll be writin’ this down, foh-shizzle, so people be payin’ attention to what they should be doin’. And if people be sayin’ to youz that they don’t be havin’ the info that they be needin’ you tell them they full of shit,
            11 For everything that people be needin’ to be knowing in order to be livin’ happy and healthy and abundant lives be all around them if only they be openin’ they eyes and they minds and they hearts and they spirits. This be the truth, my dizzle.
            12 And tell this to people so that they be knowing that there ain’t no alpha and no omega, for everything be now and all at once, you dig? That be what Jesus be tryin’ to tell people about what the ‘I Am’ be meanin’. It be meanin’ oneness with the ‘now’, you dig?
            13 Now folks needin’ to be knowin’ that there ain’t no big damn tribulation that all that be makin’ up God in this universe be making people to be going through. Don’t ya’ll know you be making all your own tribulations?
            14 God ain’t tryin’ to put people through more of that shit! Hell no! God be trying to help ya’ll get yo asses out of the bad things you done gone and did to ya’lls selfs.
            15 So youz go and be writing down everything that I be telling’ you so that hopefully somebody be payin’ attentions an’ start gettin’ shit right, you dig?
            16 So, I done told the guy with the Rasta braids who be smokin’ a doobie that I be doin’ exactly like he be tellin’ me an’ writin’ everything down.


Chapter 2

            1 And a voice said to look and I looked, and I saw nine golden pot bongs standing in a thick haze of smoke from the most holy mow. Then did the voice say, It is four and twenty.
            2 Then was a righteous doobie passed unto me and I did smoke of the most holiest of mows. Then a voice said, You must be hungry.
            3 I turned toward the sound of the voice and, behold! I saw a man clothed in the garment of an ice cream man, girded about the chest with cinnamon buns, his hair was the blinding salmon pink of cotton candy,
            4 His head was a nacho tortilla chip and his eyes were watermelon flavored ring-pops; his arms were fruit roll-ups and his fingers were golden corndogs; his thighs were carne asada burritos and his calves were churros;
            5 His ankles were hickory smoked turkey drumsticks and his feet were buttermilk biscuits with sweet potato toes.
            6 As I began to eat the ankles and the toes of the man before me he spoke, saying, Know that the things I am about to tell you are the things that those of the Gospel of Disaster say are about to take place, but never will,
            7 Or they are things that those of the Gospel of Disaster normally be spoutin’ off about for one reason or other.
            8 And I be fallin’ at the feet of this fella an I told him that I was not into lisnin’ to some puffed up scriptural mumbo-jumbo that said I was going to be burning in somebody’s hell. And he said to me,
            9 No, Bozo! I am not gonna preach that crap to you. I am telling you what to look out for from the people who do preach that crapola for shits and giggles and for the purpose of scarin’ the beejesus out of everybody on the planet who don’t be believin’ like they do.
            10 Now, listen up! The folk who be teachin’ the Gospel of Disaster shall be claimin’ all kinds of signs and symbols and messages in damn near anything that be happnin’ or not happnin’, you dig?
            11 Now some of the messengers of the Gospel of Disaster claim to know that the works and labors of those of the Tenement Gospel are evil and that the preachers of the Tenement Gospel are false apostles.
            12 The reason why those of the Gospel of Disaster claim the teachings of the Tenement Gospel to be false is because such a message preached is not one they wish to hear about,
            13 For the purveyors of the Gospel of Disaster do not wish to hear that they have completely departed from the message of love of the universe, and in doing so they have also left God,
            14 And instead of treating their fellow men with acceptance they point to them and say, Look! They are doing this wrong! Look! They are doing that wrong!
            15 He who has half a mind to hear don’t listen to those of the Gospel of Disaster, for such say nothing worth hearing when they preach about the things they hate and the people they hate and the practices they hate.
            16 It is true, however, that those of the Gospel of Disaster who overcome the urge to hate and detest and abuse others shall in turn overcome the fruits of the Tree of Disaster, therefore reverting back to the love that comprises what God is.
            17 And some of the messengers of the Gospel of Disaster say that to suffer tribulation and poverty and grueling life demands is in reality to live with richness and wealth in life,
            18 Yet, these very same messengers become very rich and live comfortable lives with the very same money they beg for and take from those who really are poor and suffering in the depths of poverty;
            19 Such messengers slander the faith and the love that they supposedly preach, and in doing so neglect all that is God.
            20 And they tell their flocks to not fear or worry about their seemingly endless well of suffering in the now, for those suffering are told they will be rewarded most richly in a distant, later life,
            21 For the Gospel of Disaster states that its followers must be faithful in everything, even unto death. In return the faithful are promised crowns of life, but a faith that preaches death in the now and life in the later is doomed to disarray.


Chapter 3

            1 And some messengers of the Gospel of Disaster say that all other faiths are like double-edged swords and cut the hearts of those who hold alternate faiths or no faith at all, and cut the ears of all who hear messages of different faiths,
            2 For the Gospel of Disaster claims that all other faiths are stumbling blocks and not intended to bring people to God, but rather to take people away from God. Such messengers say,
            3 Lo! Faiths of a different origin are from Satan and therefore do not qualify as a valid belief.
            4 The messengers of the Gospel of Disaster say that all other faiths and members of such faiths must immediately repent of their wicked faiths and their wicked ways lest they be cut-off from the truth of the Gospel of Disaster,
            5 For those who believe differently than peddlers of the Gospel of Disaster will find that a holy war has been declared upon them under the guise of preaching a peaceful gospel,
            6 And it is in such a cause that those of the Gospel of Disaster say that their faith is the one, true faith that is above all others, saying,
            7 To the man who has ears to hear, let him plug them up so he will not have to listen to the sin of all other faiths,
            8 For the God of the Gospel of Disaster promises that those who listen only to him shall be given special stones that no one else shall receive or even know about.
            9 And there are those messengers who claim that God hates the tolerance of any faith other than theirs, calling all other faiths sinful and evil and filled with idol worship.   10 The same messengers even accuse believers of other faiths of being wicked fornicators and of purposely sacrificing the truth, therefore giving just cause to treat other religions as adulterous in nature,
            11 For according to the Gospel of Disaster members of different faiths or no faith at all shall be thrown into the fires of a great tribulation,
            12 But I say to you to never fear these things for they shall never be. Those of the message of disaster shall claim to have authority over all other nations and religions, but this is one of the biggest bullshit lies in the history of religion.
            13 If a man has the ears to hear then he shall do himself a favor and never lend an ear to the Gospel of Disaster, for such a gospel that is steeped in fear can never bring about anything nurturing or beneficial.
            14 And much like a neglectful parent toward an unwanted child the Gospel of Disaster labels all other beliefs as dead in faith, ignoring them as though they were bastard children.
            15 Messengers of the disastrous faith say that no man is saved by works, but then these same muthas turn around and point to other faiths, saying,
            16 Look what they are saying, look what they are doing, look at what they are believing, and look at what they do not do. We are better than they are for the works we live by are loved by the one, true God.
            17 The messengers of disaster become a source of great distain amongst many nations, and they claim such distain as a sign of their longsuffering, but in reality it is everyone else who suffers at the hands of those that are caked with the muddiness hate.
            18 It is God that blesses anyone who has the endurance and tenacity and the patience to ignore and put up with the crap of the Gospel of Disaster.


Chapter 4

            1 The scriptures of the Gospel of Disaster cannot be truth since they were penned by a bunch of picky bastards who only chose to write about what they liked, what they wanted to hear, and about those things they could use to control people with.
            2 Such people are blind so long as they hold onto the Gospel of Disaster, for so long as they fail to see the many paths that lead to God, they shall not have eyes that recognize anything of great or lasting value.
            3 When venomous men such as these come to your door and ask for the ears of your heart, do not let them in for they will only devour you and the objectiveness of your spirit.
            4 After I was shown all of these things I was given another mega doobie of the most holy of mows and told, Smoke up, for you will now be shown those things the proponents of the Gospel of Disaster shall say and do during what they think is the end.
            5 Then I was made non-corporeal and taken before a very large throne made of skeletons that had been dipped in gold, and upon the golden skeletons were green emeralds with many small rainbows seeping out from them.
            6 And around this large throne of golden skeletons were many, many smaller thrones identical in appearance, and upon the miniature thrones were many different manifestations of those who preach the Gospel of Disaster,
            7 And behold! A voice said unto me, Look at these who sit here one these thrones made of skeletons dipped in gold. They have convinced themselves that they are above all because they have built a throne similar to the one they claim to be God’s throne,
            8 But the very throne they claim to be God’s throne is the same throne they created in secret and labeled in secret to be God’s own. Though they claim to have discovered this throne it is not so, for they worship their own creation.
            9 One cannot discover what one has created. That is some stupid shit.
            10 Standing in the midst of all the thrones is a great beast with many sharp teeth, hateful red eyes, razor sharp talons of the hardest metal, a tongue of fire, the belly of a dragon, the feathers of a chicken, and the whiskers of a catfish.
            11 And the beast had many eyes and many mouths from which came many negative words and phrases, and those sitting on the thrones looked upon the beast with awe, bowed to it and prayed to it. Then a voice said to me,
            12 See these people on the thrones worshiping this beast? These are the proponents of the Gospel of Disaster. Do you know what the beast they worship is? It is the fear that they rely on in order that they control people with their blind rhetoric.
            13 And behold, a dead horse, and the men standing astride of it were beating it in order to get it to comply with their wishes, but it would not respond for it was dead. Crowns with the word ‘Dunce’ were given unto the men who beat the horse,
            14 For they were trying to sell the dead horse in an effort to pass it off as something valuable. Unto the people who passed them by they said, Come, buy this horse and it shall till your gardens and take you anywhere you wish to go.
            15 And when some people passing by asked why the men were trying to sell a dead horse the men said, It is not dead, only resting. For the men who buy this horse and manage to wake it, it shall be an asset unto them.
            16 It came to be that some of those passing by the men with the dead horse paid them no mind at all while others simply wanted to stare at the carcass and yet others wanted to buy it.
            17 And behold, I saw a green horse, and the man who sat on him wore golden armor and held a great sack of money. The horse had a bridle and a saddle made of pure silver. And this man had the ability to speak sweet words to people in order that they give him their money,
            18 For he promised them that if they gave him money he would lead them to the eternal way and to a special seat in heaven next to Jesus.
            19 Then I turned, and behold, I saw a blue horse, and the man who sat on him was crying and his expression was one of great sorrow. And to this man was given the burden of a heavy heart,
            20 For he allowed the destructive promises of his supposed faith to divide him from his family and from his friends and from society.
            21 And I looked again, and behold, I saw a yellow horse, and the man who sat on him was trembling with great fear. And this man was consumed by the non-sensical rumors of what might happen to him when he would die,
            22 For this man chose his faith according to the terrible tribulations that that particular faith promised to save him from if he would only believe.
            23 Then there came a great noise like an air horn at a football game, and I saw all of the lives of people who chose to wage war in the name of God and of faith, and they cried out, What is this that we have done to each other?
            24 For we say we know the mind and the love of God and then we murder each other, burn one another’s cities and towns, lay waste to lands meant to sustain the life of people, and even commit heinous suicides thinking it makes us martyrs.
            25 And as these people are reborn many consign themselves to try to compensate for the atrocities they enacted in their previous lives.


Chapter 5

            1 Then a loud voice said unto me, Listen and write this shit down, ’aight? Now those of the Gospel of Disaster be sayin’ some crazy ass shit about some supposed End Times Tribulation and a great Judgment Day.
            2 And they say that the End Times will happen when God no longer wishes to allow people the chance to choose either the Gospel of Disaster or death, and will instead choose death for those who never made the right choice to begin with.
            3 Those of the Gospel of Disaster will use absolutely every tactic possible in an effort to scare people into believing their crap spin on the spiritual matters of the universe, and with each natural disaster and with each great war waged they shall say,
            4 The end is near! And with each great quake, each tidal wave, each volcanic explosion, each collapse of a mountain, each outbreak of any plague, each downfall of a government, each shortage of food,
            5 Each violent political volley, each great war waged between nations great and small, each uprising against political despots, each unusual occurrence in the heavens, and each misunderstanding of supernatural matters those of the Gospel of Disaster say,
            6 Look, these are the signs that all is going to end! These are the signs that we are right and have always been right in clinging to our destructive faith. God is angry and this is why all of these terrible things are happening!
            7 For those of the Gospel of Disaster just can’t seem to get it through their thick heads that an earthquake is an earthquake, a tidal wave is a tidal wave, and a volcanic eruption is a volcanic eruption,
            8 And all of such things naturally occur in and on the earth upon which people live, for the earth is living and growing and changing at all times, just as the men who walk upon its surface.
            9 But the purveyors of the Gospel of Disaster persist to misinterpret natural processes as confirmation of their twisted faith, taking the descriptions of such and forcing them to fit into whatever prophecies they can conjure up from their scriptures.
            10 And in the last book of their prophecies those who preach the Gospel of Disaster go all out and say some really, really crazy shit. Write these things down so you will remember them. And I did as I was commanded by the voice and wrote.
            11 And the voice said, There is a prophecy that there will be four angels at the four corners of the earth that shall withhold the wind and its power. The problem with this prophecy is the fact that the earth don’t be having no goddamn corners, ‘aight?
            12 But these prophecies were written in a time when men still thought the earth was fucking flat. So, there goes the prophecy of four angels holding the winds from the four corners of the earth.
            13 Right after that prophecy is one that says that an angel commands the other angels to not harm the earth and the sea until the slaves of the God of the Gospel of Disaster have been sealed upon their heads.
            14 Now, not only does this make an absolutely absurd picture in one’s mind, but do you get the strange sense of detachment when instead of saying everyone who does not believe is going to get killed the angel says the earth and the sea will be harmed?
            15 This is a classic example of trying to disassociate with those who are considered doomed, right? Never mind the people who are supposedly going to be harmed, let’s just talk about the earth and the sea getting harmed. How stupid is that?
            16 So, those who are supposedly doomed are not worth talking about or mentioning, but the earth and the sea are. That right there ought to give people a real sense of the lack of appreciation and respect the Gospel of Disaster has towards a lot of people.
            17 What I find of particular interest about this particular prophecy is the fact that it states that the slaves of the Gospel of Disaster will be sealed with a mark upon their heads. Slaves. Notice it does not say believers, it says slaves. Need I say more?
            18 Another prophecy says that the throne of God will be surrounded with a mass of people in white robes which have been made white in the blood of what they believe. There are actually quite a few of these types of prophecies,
            19 And it is these prophecies in particular that the fundamentalist-terrorist-whack jobs latch onto to defend their maniacal religious behavior. They spilled blood, their own or someone else’s, in an effort to overcome and sit about the throne of God.
            20 They are martyrs who receive even greater favor from the God of the Gospel of Disaster for sacrificing themselves. Again, this type of crappy-doo religious philosophy only encourages idiots to do stupid shit in an effort to gain God’s favor.



Chapter 6

            1 Then was another mega doobie of the most holiest of mows passed unto me, and I was commanded to smoke, and I did. Then the voice commanded me that I continue to listen to the absurdities of the Gospel of Disaster. And the voice said,
            2 Listen to these hypocrisies of the Gospel of Disaster. Now it says in its last book of prophecies that angels stand before a golden altar and light incense to go with the prayers of people to God,
            3 So you tell me how the Gospel of Disaster can pass judgment on those different religions that also use altars and also burn incense to go with prayer? How is it okay for one faith and not for another? Maybe because the angels are doing it. Whatever, man.
            4 Then there is a lengthy description of hail and fire and all kinds of crazy shit falling from the sky along with the sun and moon being darkened. Now, those of the Gospel of Disaster are crafty in trying to make all of this sound like doomsday,
            5 But the simple truth is they are describing meteor showers, asteroids, comets, and solar and lunar eclipses. They can try all they want to make it sound as scary and horrible as possible, but these things are what they are and it is no mystery.
            6 Now we get to the crazy of the crazy prophecies where there is a great hole that opens up that thick smoke spews out of, and with the smoke these mega locusts with scorpion stingers come out and hurt all the people who do not believe the Gospel of Disaster.
            7 Now, what is interesting is these scorpion-locust thingies are supposedly given the power to torture all men without the seal of the God of Disaster, torture them for not believing in the Gospel of Disaster. Nice.
            8 So, never mind freewill, right? Because if you have to believe in something in order to not get tortured and burned in hell forever, well then your ass don’t be havin’ no goddamn freewill, you dig?
            9 Getting to the part where the four angels who were supposedly holding the four corners of the earth, quite a feat considering the roundness of this planet, were loosed these same angels are supposedly given the power to kill a third of the people on earth.
            10 And why would they be given this most dastardly assignment? Why, all of this mayhem is intended to turn the hearts of men to the God of the Gospel of Disaster. Sound like a nice God to you? Believe in me or die? What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?
            11 It gets better, though. Another angel makes yet another announcement in which followers of the Gospel of Disaster are referred to as the slaves of the God of Disaster. Here we go again with the disastrous faithful being labeled as slaves.
            12 True faith never, ever enslaves anyone. But that is typical of the Gospel of Disaster to try to force their bitter pills down the throats of people under the promise that someday it shall taste sweet. It is all a big giant crock.
            13 Then there are the two witnesses that have all kinds of power over the natural processes of the earth. They can make rain or stop rain. They can make fire come from out of their mouths to devour their enemies and turn water to blood.
            14 And why would these men do this? Again, it is supposedly all for the purpose of making people believe in the Gospel of Disaster. People do not choose to believe the Gospel of Disaster, they are frightened into believing it.
            15 The voice said to me, Look into their scriptures and you will find mention of a mighty quake that kills thousands and thousands of people, and those still alive are so scared and terrified that they immediately praise and give glory to the God of the Gospel of Disaster. This is not choice. This is not freewill. This is not the love of God.
            16 The very idea that any being would rule by persistent and consistent use of fear is indicative of such a ruler being a tyrant and not in the least bit worthy of a leadership position, much less the adoration of followers.
            17 Then comes the description of a whole bunch of stories that all sound incredibly similar to the stories of creation and destruction found in cultures all over the earth and from many different times in history.
            18 There are descriptions of a dragon chasing a lady who is helped by an eagle and who eventually has some kids. Then the dragon gets pissed and spits out a river to destroy the woman, but the earth opens up and swallows the water, helping the woman.
            19 Then you have a mega beast loaded with heads and horns coming up out of the ocean. Not only that, but this beast is a patch quilt since it has body parts from a lion, a bear, and a leopard. Sounds like someone went shopping for monster parts at the thrift shop.
            20 It gets better. So, then this mega beast has another mega beast pal come up out of the earth. This beast don’t look no prettier than his predecessor.
            21 Together the two beasts go about the world trying to force people to believe their brand of religious hodge-podge, and if they don’t believe it then they cannot buy or sell food, an shit. Sounds awfully similar to not allowing people to live unless they believe in the Gospel of Disaster.
            22 These stories are nothing new in reality. They are all the same stories people have swapped over thousands and thousands of years in an effort to amuse themselves, and somewhere along the line people started taking the shit for real.
            23 None of it is anything new or special or unusual or enlightening. All that happens is throughout history the characters are shuffled around a bit, names are changed, and ta-da! You’ve got a whole new set of religious stories on your hands.



Chapter 7

            1 And the voice once again said to me, Listen and write these things down so that people may know of the absolute stupidity with which they try to control each other through what they hold as faith,
            2 For their ridiculousness travels to the furthest reaches of the mind and of the universe and all that is.
            3 And they say some of the wackiest shit, like when they say that one hundred and forty-four thousand men will be standing around a throne and singing a song no one else can learn since they, the guys singing, are virgins and the other people aren’t.
            4 Then comes this gi-normous war called Armageddon where everything and everyone that is contrary in the least bit to what those of the Gospel of Disaster preach are completely decimated and destroyed,
            5 And as if that were not enough of a punishment, after these rabble rousers are decimated they are made to live an eternity in absolute torment.
            6 And all of this po-dunk crap is what the Gospel of Disaster is about, ‘aight? Destruction and torture of those who either wish to believe otherwise, or maybe not even believe in anything at all.
            7 That is not a message of salvation.
            8 All those who choose to worship all that is divine from a different angle are called idolatrous and evil and wicked, never mind that all of these religions have the same symbols, albeit under different names and in different orders.
            9 That is not a message of redemption.
            10 All those who do not live according to how those of the Gospel of Disaster say to live are automatic enemies of the God of Disaster and his followers, unless, of course, they change their minds and decide to live as they are told.
            11 That is not a valid message of hope and faith, and absolutely nowhere near anything even remotely similar to freewill or the exercise thereof.
            12 So, what happens when the supposed end of time passes? Why, there will be celebration in heaven, but only a celebration attended by those who bought the Gospel of Disaster hook, line, and sinker.
            13 The Gospel of Disaster is nothing but a vengeful conglomeration of spiteful words and prophecies intended only to divide people and give just cause to those who would wreak terrible destruction on those who believe differently, or not at all.
            14 It is wrong to rejoice in something that preaches so much hate and so much destruction and so much misery.
            15 It is wrong to rejoice in something that devours hope and revokes even the half-assed promises made to men.
            16 It is wrong to rejoice in something that is persistent in preaching the cutting down of those who believe differently, smiting here and smiting there wherever a differing faith and opinion can be found.
            17 It is wrong to rejoice in something that preaches only one way and one answer and one vision and one faith and one understanding of love and one path, for just as there are men and have been and ever will be, there are many paths and faiths and answers and understandings of all that love is.
            18 And no matter how much death and destruction is preached by anyone this cannot change the truth of love and the truth of everything in love and of love and for love and to love that comprises all of that which is God.


Chapter 8

            1 Do not be deceived by the fear that so many will try to teach and preach, for giving into such fear can only take from the goodness of all that surrounds you.
            2 Of course, that does not mean your ass needs to go out and start harassing those of the Gospel of Disaster, no. Simply don’t listen or give into their bullshit that always ends up dividing people one way or another.
            3 God and salvation and redemption and everything that is love is not just for those who chose to worship the Gospel of Disaster or any other similar faith or any different faith, or whatever.
            4 God and salvation and redemption and love and wealth of being and of who the individual is, well that is for everyone, and it doesn’t matter what the fuck you choose to believe, you dig?
            5 So, contrary to what some faiths may believe they do not own the sole rights to these things.
            6 Simply live you for who you are. Find your joy and run with it, developing it unto perfection and adding something beautiful to the world and the earth and the people around you with each life that you live.
            7 There are so very many beautiful things to experience and to share, and that simply cannot be done by limiting faith and love and hope and peace and all such things.
            8 Find the faith that fits you, a healthy faith that does not preach salvation through fear. And if you grow out of that faith then find another. And if you decide you do not wish to have a faith, then don’t have one.
            9 It really isn’t that difficult for a mind to grasp.
            10 Live to love, and love to live.
            11 Do not live to instill fear. Do not live to instill hate. Do not live to encourage division. Do not live to hold one faith over another.
            12 Live to love, and love to live.
            13 When someone tries to bully you with hellfire and damnation, walk away. Do not allow such ridiculous fear into your life and heart and mind.
            14 And live for the day! Everyday is a good day, ‘aight? Sometimes the situations of the day can be pretty shitty, but the day is all good so take that and run with it and do something wonderful and beautiful with it.
            15 Do not waste your time neglecting the present in exchange for something that is less than a giant maybe. Maybe does not cut the mustard. This is a precise universe that does not deal with maybes. Maybes are only in the minds of people.
            16 And the more that people decide to live with an open heart and mind the more and more beautiful life everywhere becomes, because that is life. You don’t have to be a member of a special faith in order to see the beauty of life. Just open your eyes.
            17 Live the way you are intended to live and bring honor and joy everywhere you go, and when you converse with your fellow man look at the things that you have in common instead of distorting the things you think separate you,
            18 For the supposed separation perceived by so many who are steeped in fear is a lie. And wars have been fought and continue to be fought and will be fought because of this lie,
            19 And it is this terrible lie that says, My God is better than your God. My faith is better than your faith. My understanding is better than your understanding. Yea, even, I am going to heaven and you are going to hell. But do not allow this lie to become your truth.
            20 Live in compassion and love and joy and peace and hope and happiness and you will find all is yours.
            21 This is the truth, and no amount of fear or spiritual terrorist teaching can change it. No amount of any faith claiming to be the one and only truth can change this. No amount of threats of an Armageddon or final judgment can change this.
            22 Living in fear, spiritual or otherwise, is not a normal way of life. This being the case, stop living as if it were.
            23 May all that is great and grand and glorious in this most excellent universe find its way to you, and may the love of all that comprises what God is always be seeded deep within your heart, an’ that shit, my homey, be how it really be goin’ down.
            24 Peace out. 




 








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An Abuse of Law

By: God the Absurd

     No matter what geographic location an individual or group of individuals may be from, no matter what point and time in all of history is scrutinized, and no matter what culture or gender is viewed it can be said with great conviction that everyone, everywhere is liable and responsible to uphold and obey laws of some type.
 
     Granted, there will be varying degrees of law, and oftentimes there can be serious social clashes as various cultures disagree over specific laws and the execution thereof; but the fact remains that the one constant is law.
    
     Contrary to what some conspiracy theorists may tout, the invention of law was not a deed born out of any kind of desire to control people just for the sake of controlling them. Law was invented with the express purpose of trying to control the idiots of society from doing things that inevitably screw things up for everybody else.
 
     For example, think about the speed limits on freeways. Why do people have to be informed what safe driving speeds are? Is it because people are naturally bad drivers? No. Speed limit signs are needed because there are idiot drivers who don’t drive slower in the rain and traffic, who don’t slow down on curves, who don’t drive safely around road construction areas, and who have caused such horrific accidents that the areas of government that control vehicle operation speeds have no choice but to make everyone drive slower.
 
     Like I said before, the idiots of society screw things up for everyone else.
    
     So, I am sure you understand that law, the necessity of law, comes from a need to keep normally functioning society safe from the idiots of the universe. For the most part this works…until, that is, the same idiots that the law is supposed to protect everyone from are the ones creating the laws.
 
     The result of this happening is a cheapening of the purpose of the law, in addition to humanity as a whole respecting the law less and less as each passing year more and more stupid legislation passes into actual laws.
    
     In the end, it all boils down to an inconceivably wanton abuse of law and the power of the law by individuals who will never understand that the law is not a toy to be played with or treated in a disrespectful manner. When these morons are allowed to create the laws that help to govern the rest of society the law is not able to function as it was intended.
 
     How can society as a whole respect and follow the law when the laws that are created make no goddamn sense whatsoever? Civil unrest swells until it overflows the cup of the amount of bullshit society as a whole is able to take, and eventually governments decay and crumble under the guidance of people who have no business being leaders in politics, much less village idiots.
    
     To prove my point, I have amassed a small number of severely retarded laws that somehow made it through legislation and into ‘the book’ as actual laws. Some of these laws have been in effect for many years, some have been removed or rescinded, and some are actually fairly recent.
 
     I am adamant in my opinion that the frivolous nature of these laws point to an obvious abuse of law on the part of those who devise such wretched legislation in the first place.
 
     I wish for you to understand that the purpose in me telling you this is not to go out and purposely violate the law, even if it is a stupid law. That would make you just as much an abuser of the law as the assholes who created and continue to create useless law. Instead, use the information to your advantage.
 
     Find out which politicians came up with the idea for the useless laws, as well as all of the politicians who voted in favor of the useless laws, and get them the hell OUT of politics! Stop voting these people into political offices, because if you do not…well, you can guarantee that sooner or later those who have the power to make law and instead abuse it will eventually end up directly abusing the society they are supposed to be protecting in the first place.
 
     Since everybody knows that studying law can sometimes be tedious and boring I have decided to present these laws in a cartoon comic fashion to make them a bit more interesting. I hope you enjoy what I have created.

 

 





 
 


 
 
Hilarious Political Quotes

By: God the Laughing

     For more than two hundred years the United States has functioned as a democracy, an example to the rest of the world of what great things can be accomplished when people work together. Americans pride themselves on the strength of their Constitution and Bill of Rights.
 
     While American politics has certainly produced some truly brilliant politicians the embarrassing truth is that a greater portion of half-wits and ninnies has consistently been at the helm of such a great nation. Some of the individuals who acquire positions of leadership in United States government are so utterly devoid of common sense that one is left to wonder how such individuals made it as far in politics as they did.
 
     Whether or not some politicians have achieved degrees in law or government or any other type of expanded educational program seems to make absolutely no difference whatsoever when it comes to many of these people saying some of the most ridiculous, brainless, groundless, senseless, absurd, wacky, and illiterate comments ever.
 
     It is truly a wonder, sometimes, how the United States has made it as far as it has considering some of the mentally challenged politicians who end up in positions of leadership or end up really screwing things up for everybody.
 
     So, what I have done here is picked out a few of my favorite misquotes and comments by politicians to share with you. To make things a little more interesting I have presented these particular quotes in a sort of cartoon comic format.
 
     Additionally, in an effort to protect the politicians who uttered these words I only list the statement that was made. I do not list the particular politicians who made the comments. I hope you enjoy this political treat.
 
 
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    Did you ever wonder where God and all the versions of God
 
                                                  came from?



 

 

The Divine Family Tree

By: God of the Fathers

     Since the beginning of recorded history and even before that, man has worshiped various gods. Gods of harvest, fertility, war, luck, and many more have sustained man and continue to do so. What I find of particular interest is the persistence of many individuals to fight over various views and beliefs of the various faces of God. Some faiths profess to worship many gods while others adamantly assert that there is but one God to worship.

     Some individuals choose to worship gods that, like humans, possess particular flaws. Other individuals insist that human beings are the only beings with flaws and that there is but one God, without flaws Who governs all in the universe and Who deserves the worship of all men.

     The truth of the matter when it comes to divine beings is that there are in fact many, many gods. No matter how many religious groups or individuals insist that there is but one God, no matter how many interpretations of any religious text claim that there is one God, and no matter how often many gods are ignored none of these things take away from the fact that there are many gods.

     Remember that man was created in the image of God and just as there are many different types of people there are many different types of gods. Look at the world around you and notice the different types of individuals that inhabit the world around you. There are heroes, leaders, thieves, liars, hard workers, nurturers, laborers, hunters, gatherers, politicians, and many more types of individuals.

     There are many facets of man and it is the very same for God; there are many facets of God.

     It has become quite clear to those of us who are a part of what God is that it would benefit man as a whole to be given some help in regards to his apparently never ending search for the divine. This is exactly what I have done here by giving unto man the blueprints for the genealogy of the divine. All divine beings of the universe, all that is part of what God is in every expression came into being when Everything Divine permanently merged with the Infinity of Fates.

     You may correctly think of God and all the different facets of God as having Everything Divine and the Infinity of Fates as their parents. What brought Everything Divine and the Infinity of Fates together is for each who seeks such things to discover on and for their own.

     There will never be any being who comes by such knowledge in totality who will have been given the knowledge. This is because knowledge that is not achieved by search and desire has been given in wanton recklessness and is prone to be wickedly used and terribly abused.

     It is important to recognize that you may not understand, like, or believe in particular personalities and facets of what God is. This does not mean in any way, shape, or form that these gods do not exist. In addition, should you come across any individual who does not agree with your understanding of God, the various personalities of God, and what God is it is important to not become angry with such individuals.

     Different individuals have different levels of understanding in regards to the many facets of God and all things divine.

     After reading this actual and factual evidence of God and all of the personalities and facets of God it would behoove you to set out and study each personality and expression of God. Some of these personalities you may love. Some of these personalities you may come to detest. Just remember that they are all God. Just like every human being has positive and negative personality traits so does God.

     Of course this is so. After all, man was created in the image of God.

     Before you continue onto the pedigree charts I have provided please understand that they are to be read left to right. Main components are always listed first and then followed by their particular sub-components. Now I will show the actual internal compositions of Everything Divine and Infinity of Fates on the following two charts:

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

     Now, before I show you the actual family tree pedigree charts it is absolutely important for you to properly interpret the pedigree charts that I have chosen to utilize. I do not utilize the common method of a pedigree chart that lists the most recent generation first and then gradually works back further and further into family history.

     The method I choose to utilize lists older generations first and then lists their descendants. So, when I show you the genealogy of the various gods I list older generations first and then work down throughout the generations.

     For example, going back to the preceding chart for the Infinity of Fates you see that after ‘Good’ is listed ‘By Luck’ and ‘By Choice’. ‘By Luck’ and ‘By Choice’ are specifically part of ‘Good’, part of the core composition. Then, ’By Luck’ and ’By Choice’ are followed by more listings, and then those listings are in turn followed by more listings. I am sure you get the picture.

     The pedigree charts for the gods themselves are probably easier for you to understand than how I am explaining them. Yet, I must be one hundred percent sure you understand these charts. What I do is list the specific God and then list His children and grand children, and so on and so forth. For example, you will notice that the only child of the Infinity of Fates and Everything Divine is God the Everlasting.

     After God the Everlasting is listed His six sons beginning with God the Faithful and ending with God Almighty. After each of the listed sons of God the Everlasting I have listed their sons. Now, interestingly enough, not all of the grandchildren of God the Everlasting have children and grandchildren, and so on and so forth of their own. The divine beings with the most descendants are the Devil and the God of Moses. By and far the Devil has far more descendants than God of Moses.

     Being as though God has an amazingly extensive genealogy, about thirty charts worth, you will definitely need to take your time in reading these charts. If you get lost don’t panic. Simply go to the previous chart, resituate yourself, and then continue.

Now, I present to you the genealogy charts of all of the divine beings in the universe, all that is God.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

     Hopefully you have made it through the pedigree charts without becoming too confused. You will notice that the charts listing the various gods are color coded. I did this so it would be easier for you to track the descendants of the gods from the very first chart. The children of God the Everlasting are all on red pedigree lines. The grandchildren of God the Everlasting are all on orange colored lines. Simply look at the name of the divine being and match the color of the pedigree line that the name is on.

     If for some reason you are having trouble matching the line colors, Lord knows some of us are colorblind, just follow the name on the line. If there are no other charts beginning with a particular name of God then you know that God did not have children. From there you can backtrack all the way to the beginning if you like, learning along the way Who is Who inasmuch as divine beings in the universe are concerned.

     Now that you have seen for yourself the vastness of the genealogy of the divine beings in the universe, perhaps now you can at least begin to understand why humanity struggles to know, to want to know, and to seek that which is divine. There is so very much more to God and everything that is part of God than what meets the spiritual eye.

     Likewise, there is much more to God and everything that is God than what is written in the holy texts of any single religion on its own. Take all of the religious texts and teachings from all time, all cultures and societies, and put them together as one. Do not compare and contrast these sacred texts. Do not try to prove or disprove anything any of them have to say.

     Do not try to debunk or invalidate any of the texts based on what you, or anyone else for that matter, believe to be sensical. Take all of the holy works together and you will then have something far, far closer to what is the plain truth.

     If you decide to really and truly start to study God and all divine beings in the universe that is wonderful. You must, however, keep a few things in mind.

     Firstly, I have zero doubt that there will be truths about Who and What comprises God that will shock you, make you angry, confuse you, concern you, frighten you, and even shake the very spiritual foundations you have built within yourself, foundations you have created based on what you as an individual think, believe, and on what you understand faith to be.

     Secondly, know that your reaction is absolutely normal.

     Thirdly, you must understand that once you start to study the truth about the divine beings in the universe there is no going back. Your mind will have been permanently opened up more than what it was. Be prepared.

 


 
 
 
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