"I found out the hard way that Rednecks are willing to fight anybody ... "
If I find any relevant links to this bit of humor I will add them here ...
This is a lovely little gem of comedy that has been dubbed "Spooby" after the rather unusual insult used in this bit. For your entertainment I am making available both the audio for my own personal transcription of this story. My transcription is a watered down version to keep my content some what clean but the audio contains all of the colorful language in all of its original glory. If you are not a fan of comedians that curse then this is not for you - consider yourself warned.
I'm riding with my friend Mike and I cut this Redneck off in his truck. It was by accident, wasn't on purpose, by accident ... and the Redneck gave me the finger. I didn't see it but my boy Mike saw it, right? So, Mike looked back and he was like, "T. Rexy! The man in the truck behind you ... he give you the finger!" So, I was like, "So? Buck him." ... "He say buck you too but he say it first!" Then the Redneck went flying past me on my driver's side and hung out the window and was like, "Buck you Spooby!"
I don't know what the cluck a Spooby is either but I didn't like it ... I was like, "I ain't no fudder mucking Spooby!"
"What the cluck is a Spooby Mike?"
"I don't know be he was talking to you!"
"I want to punch you right now, fudder mucker."
Mike started shaking his head. "Tsk tsk tsk ... it's a sad, sad day."
"What the cluck are you talking about?"
"It's a sad, sad day T. Rexy. Any day a white man call a black man a Spooby. Give the black man the finger twicey. Say 'Buck you' twicey! And the black man do nothing about it? It's a sad, sad day."
I'm like, "What are we supposed to do Mike? I'm bucking driving."
"You sposed to scare him! White man scared of black man! You scare him! You hang out the window! You yell at him! He get scared and drive away fast. I tell you! You try!"
So I was like, "Yeah, let me bucking try this bit." Some white guys are scared of black guys. I could probably scare him. So, I hung out the window, I was like, "HEY! You gave me the finger and called me a Spooby! Pull over! I'm whipping your butt!"
"Oh crud! This fudder crudder pulled over Mike! What the cluck you tell me to do this stuff for? He didn't just pull over ... he pull right the cluck on over!"
"He just trying to call your bruff. You call his bruff. You get out! You try! You scare him! You try! He drive off scared! I tell you! You try!"
This fudder crudder played two Jedi mind tricks in like fifteen seconds on me. Cuz I got out and walked over to his truck and I was like, "Hey man, you gave me the clucking finger and called me a Spooby! Said 'Buck you' twice to me! Get the buck out your truck!"
"Uh, do what? Uh, listen here, Jesse Jackson or who ever the buck you are. I get out of my vehicle I'm going to fill this whole street with upper cut, you hear me?"
I thought I was good a talking smack but I was like, "Dang, for real?" He got out and started coming at me so I started back, "Hey, hey ... easy killer. Easy, easy. Can we keep this verbal and not make it physical?"
Then he started using slang to let me know that he had been in the hood and wasn't scared of black folks. "Oh oh heck no! Don't try to flip the script now! When I was sitting in my vehicle nothing but five seconds ago you were talking the stuff like you were bowdy bowdy! I doubty doubty ... look at ya's. You ain't got no bucking posse rolling with you. You're vehicle ain't sitting on twenties. Ain't got no jewelry ... bling bling. Hell, you ain't even dark skinned. You're all light and creamy looking. I belive I can take you. Throw up your prick beaters ... let's dance."
So at this point I'm like, "Oh my clucking gosh! I don't want to fight this guy!" I'm scared of this fudder crudder now, right? So, I'm thinking I can still talk smack enough that he'll get scared and back down, right? So I'm like, "Man, I'm going to hit you in your chest so hard your shoulders are going to touch."
Rednecks are better smack talkers than I am.
"Fudder crudder, I'm going to tell you what. You ever dream of putting your hands on me you better wake up and apologize. I'm a bad son of a beach. I'm about to hit you with so many rights that you'll be begging me for a left. You understand me? You ever see me fighting a bear you better jump in and help the bear."
I'm like, "Gosh dang! Really?"
And when Rednecks start putting the "H" in front of the "W", that's when it's getting serious.
"I'm a tell you h-what! You ain't never met a h-white man like me! I'm bout to h-whup your butt!"
So I'm looking back at my friend Mike for some help.
"Don't start looking ebry h-which h-way!"
Mike's in the car, "T. Rexy! Get out of there! He put the "H" before the "W"! He mean business! Get out of there!"
I'm like, "Would you get your Chinese butt out and get in a stance, fudder crudder."
Redneck was still talking smack, "Fudder crudder, I'm going to tell you what. I'm so clucking bad that if you are on the phone with God and I call you better click over to see what the cluck I want."
Mike heard enough. Mike jumped out ... he was like, "This is rediculous! Listen, T. Rex get back in the car. Redneck, get in your truck and get out of here!"
"Man, buck you Miagi. I'll whip you and Tyrone-son. Kunta-son. Get your yellow butt back in the car before I swell your eyes shut the rest of the way."
Mike was like, "T. Rex. Hurry up. I be in the car waiting. Hurry up."
I was like, "All the Chinese people in the world and I hook up with the only one that doesn't know karate."
The cops showed up before anybody could get bucked up. Thank God, because I really didn't want to fight the guy. The cop showed up.
"All right break it up. What the heck is going on here?"
[End of Story?]
Spooby - What a drunk white trash red neck calls any black person. Usually the
result is the black guy feels the white guys is frigging nuts! - from the Urban Dictionary
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