3 Suprisingly Practical Tips for Inner Calm Now...
Who's most popular? Who makes the most money? Who's the best parent ?
Who is the biggest star? Who has the most clients? Who is more spiritual?
Who's most honest? Who's right?
Too many questions makes me nauseous!
Gulp, it's scary to write this, not sure whether it's an act of courage or stupidity. In the interest of being real, I'll go ahead and take my chances.
Competition. The Western world is founded upon it. Our value system is based upon it and the entire way we learn to express ourselves, from the time we are young children is based upon it. More is better. Really?
Perhaps you were a free spirited child who loved to sing and dance wildly down the streets, but you grew up in a "proper" family where etiquette and manners were the most important order of the day. Instead of whistling dixie, you were told "children are to be seen and not heard". Your beautifully frivolous songs were met with " You're making too much noise!"
So you learn to adapt your communication to "get along" and succeed in your surroundings. What happens when your heart lives on a different page in a different reality? Your true voice ends up going underground. Your heart goes undercover.
What does all this have to do with competition? Alot.
Competition implies that there is a best - and there it is only place for a few at the top.
That's a lonely place to be. If we all have an unconscious need to be the best, then we watch what we say to not upset other people and to get along. Your voice tightens and goes up in pitch, goes on fast forward, your body tenses up, stomach in a ball of knots. You can't think clearly.
Look at how it comes into play when you go to express your heart... You pride yourself in being a conscious and peaceful soul, yet when you open your mouth, "niceness" bulldozes a bumpy and imperfect honesty, leaving your authenticity incarcarated like a bird in a golden cage.
How can you overcome these voices seemingly at war with one another, and retrieve your authentic peace of mind?
Here are three suprisingly practical qualities most needed to win your heart back into it's rightful experience of inner peace.
1) Willingness to Screw Up. "Oh my God, I &*&'d it up! What will they think of me?" How many times has this worry made your voice tighen up to a scratchy pitch, or go hoarse all together? The single most helpful thing you can do to win back your authentic and natural voice is to be willing to screw it all up. Your honesty can make you friends with even your most difficult foe.
2) Vulnerability. Vulnerability is when you are willing to not know. It is when you are willing - even when you screw it up - like in Number One, to be a friend to yourself. Success truly is being able to befriend your heart, even when it is raw open and hurting.
3) Political Incorrectness. All sugar and NO MEAT (I am a vegetarian!!!)... ok, NO POTATOES. It makes me sick. (How do you like that for political incorrectness?!) Think about it... why do we value political correctness in the first place? Competition. It goes like this. I will say "xyz" or speak "abc" so that you will think "def" about me. You won't be offended. I will win you over. You'll like me. Really?
I live in the Middle East with a mediterranean style of communication. Political correctness is seen as lying. Why cover up what you really mean? Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Sometimes, this "in your face" directness is jarring to my native born American sensibilities. On the other hand, it has definately healed me of a good percentage of my overly heavy "niceness". "Niceness", I have discvered, is one of life's booby prizes.
If you truly want to succeed at your hearts' desire... risking politcal incorrectness, is truly freeing.
How do you get these qualities? Where do you go to acquire them?
You don't acquire them. You can't purchase them. They are not for sale. They are your very own nature!
That's the good news! Who would you be without having to compete?
Free. Honest. Clear. Accepting of yourself and others. Just honest. Being who you really are.
Ok, maybe easier said than done - especially if the political correctness habit is deeply ingrained. What can you do to practice?
1) Take some time to quietly sit with your heart. Yes, I mean it. Just sit. Without thinking. Allow it to speak, without your mind interrupting or competing for attention.
2) You can learn practical ways to remain connected calm and at peace with your authentic voice while speaking or singing, in this experiential online course. It includes both telephone and home study and includes recordings so that you can listen and practice over and over until your heart says you are satisfied.
Here's what Susan Jeffers, PhD, bestselling author of Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway and Life is Huge!, has to say about her practical experience with this work:
"A beautiful and intimate voice of reason providing healing tools to apply in all the conflicts life hands us."
Perhaps .... your voice would have an easier time to sing and speak it's desires if you stopped competing with yourself and just allowed yourself to BE. Try it, you might like it ALOT.