87Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre


But We Love Each Other
A Two Minute Comedy


CAST:
Jessica - 20
Carnie - 20
Felix - a salesman, 40

Lights up inside a contemporary dress shop.  Jessica’s face appears above a Chinese screen where she is trying on new dresses.  Felix hovers with Job-like patience.  Carnie fidgets nearby.

JESSICA: Carnie, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.

CARNIE: (hopeful) You really don’t need me here?

JESSICA: No.  I do need you here.  Because there’s something I need to tell you.  Very important.

CARNIE: They’ve called off the Homecoming Dance?

JESSICA: Carnie!  It’s hard enough having you to deal with without sabotaging the whole weekend!

CARNIE: I’m sorry.  I’ve never been in a dress shop before.  It makes me nervous.

JESSICA: You’re surrounded by beautiful objets de art and fashion - get in touch with your feminine side.

Felix looks at Carnie drolly.  Carnie fidgets.

CARNIE: So, what is it you have to tell me Jessica?

JESSICA: (hesitant) Well, it’s… It’s kinda personal.  It’s… about me.  Who I am.

CARNIE: Who you are?

JESSICA: Who I really am.

CARNIE:  (pause) Is this about that thing with Sheryl Saturday night?  I told you I was really buzzed and she already had her top off.

JESSICA:  No.  Carnie, I’m being serious… I haven’t been entirely honest with you and…  I’m sorry… (to Felix) Would you mind leaving us alone for a minute?

FELIX: (stoic) Darling, despite curiosity crushing requests such as yours, I manage each day  to find some tiny purpose in life.  I will be waiting just outside.  Shriek if you need anything.

Felix exits.

CARNIE: Okay, what’s going on Jess?

JESSICA:  (nervous) Carnie, you remember when I told you there was something different about me?   (no reaction) You remember I told you that I have a strange family and I grew up under strange circumstances?  At least for you they’re strange.

CARNIE: Yeah…?

JESSICA: Well, what I was talking about was about a whole other life that I have, or I had.

CARNIE: What kind of “other life?”

JESSICA: Carnie, I have been lying to you!  You think I‘m this natural girl who you met here at college and we hit it off and started a relationship and now we’re going to Homecoming together because… Because we’re in love.  Right?

CARNIE: No.  Jess, I think I’d love you even if we weren’t going to Homecoming together.  What’s a party have to do with the relationship of two human beings?

JESSICA: (worried) That’s just it Carnie.  We’re not two human beings.

CARNIE: (pause) We’re not??

JESSICA: Carnie, I have another life.  I have another… body actually.  I am not what you think I am most of the time.

CARNIE: Jess, what the hell are you talking about?

Jessica moves out from behind the screen.  From her neck down she has the body of a honey bee.   Carnie stares.  Jessica opens her bee arms and forces a smile.

JESSICA: I am really another species of being, Carnie.

Carnie is in a state of shock.  His mouth works but no sound erupts.  Finally he lets out a high pitched SHRIEK!!  Felix rushes in. 

FELIX: Come to your senses have you… (he sees Jessica, stares)  Ooops.  I’ll just…go check big and tall…

Felix retreats back offstage.

JESSICA: I know it seems totally weird.  I know you probably don’t believe what you’re seeing.  But I just couldn’t continue pretending Carnie.  I like you too much.  I… I love you too much.

She moves toward him, and he backs away in fear.

JESSICA: (gently) There’s nothing to be afraid of Carnie.  It’s still me, Jessica.  I’m just wearing a different body.

CARNIE: (sputtering) You are… a…a… Bee girl?

JESSICA: With two “eze” Carnie.  I want you to know this changes nothing between us.

CARNIE: (incredulous) How could it change nothing Jess??  You are a bee and I am a friggin man!

JESSICA: That’s just who we are on the outside Carnie.  That’s not who we really are.  We are the same two people right now as we were ten minutes ago, am I right?

CARNIE: No.  You’re something else.

JESSICA: Forget my appearance.  Close your eyes, Carnie.  For me, please just close your eyes.

CARNIE: (terrified) You’re not going to sting me or something?

JESSICA: No.  We only sting what attacks us.  Usually.

CARNIE: Usually!

JESSICA: Close your eyes Carnie!!  (he does) Now listen to me.  Are you listening?

CARNIE: Please don’t start buzzing.

JESSICA: I am the same girl that you have always loved.  I am the same person.  That person, the girl you know as Jessica is standing right in front of you.  I love Carnie Dalton.  I love you with all my heart because you are a kind, gentle, good man and you are making the world a better place by just being alive.

CARNIE: (eyes closed) “Being alive?”  Is that a joke?

JESSICA: I can change my body Carnie.  It’s a trait.  Something certain people can do, like wearing a different hairstyle.  But regardless of what style I am wearing, the person inside is always the same.  Can you understand that?

CARNIE: No.  Yes…  I don’t think I want to.

JESSICA: If you really love me you will.  And that’s what’s at stake here.  The question is do you really love me?

CARNIE: Can I open my eyes now?  (he does, he stares)  How would this work?  How can we be intimate if you’re all… bee-like??

JESSICA: I can wear my human body anytime.  It’s a lot less messy for… Y’know, intimacy.

CARNIE: (hugely relieved) Oh, thank dear God!!

Jessica moves back behind the Chinese screen.

JESSICA: Everything’s going to be alright Carnie.  As long as we love each other.  Do you love me?

Carnie looks at her.

CARNIE: I… I… (sincere) Yes.  I love you.  Of course I love you.

They gaze at each other.  Felix suddenly enters with a bright yellow chiffon dress.

FELIX: I’ve brought you something in chiffon… (pause) Yes, it screams tradition, but why burst all the bubbles at one time??

Carnie and Jessica continue their loving gaze as we…

FADE TO BLACK