87Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre

But We Love Each Other
A Two Minute Comedy

Jessica - 20
Carnie - 20
Felix - a salesman, 40

Lights up inside a contemporary dress shop.  Jessica’s face appears above a Chinese screen where she is trying on new dresses.  Felix hovers with Job-like patience.  Carnie fidgets nearby.

JESSICA: Carnie, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.

CARNIE: (hopeful) You really don’t need me here?

JESSICA: No.  I do need you here.  Because there’s something I need to tell you.  Very important.

CARNIE: They’ve called off the Homecoming Dance?

JESSICA: Carnie!  It’s hard enough having you to deal with without sabotaging the whole weekend!

CARNIE: I’m sorry.  I’ve never been in a dress shop before.  It makes me nervous.

JESSICA: You’re surrounded by beautiful objets de art and fashion - get in touch with your feminine side.

Felix looks at Carnie drolly.  Carnie fidgets.

CARNIE: So, what is it you have to tell me Jessica?

JESSICA: (hesitant) Well, it’s… It’s kinda personal.  It’s… about me.  Who I am.

CARNIE: Who you are?

JESSICA: Who I really am.

CARNIE:  (pause) Is this about that thing with Sheryl Saturday night?  I told you I was really buzzed and she already had her top off.

JESSICA:  No.  Carnie, I’m being serious… I haven’t been entirely honest with you and…  I’m sorry… (to Felix) Would you mind leaving us alone for a minute?

FELIX: (stoic) Darling, despite curiosity crushing requests such as yours, I manage each day  to find some tiny purpose in life.  I will be waiting just outside.  Shriek if you need anything.

Felix exits.

CARNIE: Okay, what’s going on Jess?

JESSICA:  (nervous) Carnie, you remember when I told you there was something different about me?   (no reaction) You remember I told you that I have a strange family and I grew up under strange circumstances?  At least for you they’re strange.

CARNIE: Yeah…?

JESSICA: Well, what I was talking about was about a whole other life that I have, or I had.

CARNIE: What kind of “other life?”

JESSICA: Carnie, I have been lying to you!  You think I‘m this natural girl who you met here at college and we hit it off and started a relationship and now we’re going to Homecoming together because… Because we’re in love.  Right?

CARNIE: No.  Jess, I think I’d love you even if we weren’t going to Homecoming together.  What’s a party have to do with the relationship of two human beings?

JESSICA: (worried) That’s just it Carnie.  We’re not two human beings.

CARNIE: (pause) We’re not??

JESSICA: Carnie, I have another life.  I have another… body actually.  I am not what you think I am most of the time.

CARNIE: Jess, what the hell are you talking about?

Jessica moves out from behind the screen.  From her neck down she has the body of a honey bee.   Carnie stares.  Jessica opens her bee arms and forces a smile.

JESSICA: I am really another species of being, Carnie.

Carnie is in a state of shock.  His mouth works but no sound erupts.  Finally he lets out a high pitched SHRIEK!!  Felix rushes in. 

FELIX: Come to your senses have you… (he sees Jessica, stares)  Ooops.  I’ll just…go check big and tall…

Felix retreats back offstage.

JESSICA: I know it seems totally weird.  I know you probably don’t believe what you’re seeing.  But I just couldn’t continue pretending Carnie.  I like you too much.  I… I love you too much.

She moves toward him, and he backs away in fear.

JESSICA: (gently) There’s nothing to be afraid of Carnie.  It’s still me, Jessica.  I’m just wearing a different body.

CARNIE: (sputtering) You are… a…a… Bee girl?

JESSICA: With two “eze” Carnie.  I want you to know this changes nothing between us.

CARNIE: (incredulous) How could it change nothing Jess??  You are a bee and I am a friggin man!

JESSICA: That’s just who we are on the outside Carnie.  That’s not who we really are.  We are the same two people right now as we were ten minutes ago, am I right?

CARNIE: No.  You’re something else.

JESSICA: Forget my appearance.  Close your eyes, Carnie.  For me, please just close your eyes.

CARNIE: (terrified) You’re not going to sting me or something?

JESSICA: No.  We only sting what attacks us.  Usually.

CARNIE: Usually!

JESSICA: Close your eyes Carnie!!  (he does) Now listen to me.  Are you listening?

CARNIE: Please don’t start buzzing.

JESSICA: I am the same girl that you have always loved.  I am the same person.  That person, the girl you know as Jessica is standing right in front of you.  I love Carnie Dalton.  I love you with all my heart because you are a kind, gentle, good man and you are making the world a better place by just being alive.

CARNIE: (eyes closed) “Being alive?”  Is that a joke?

JESSICA: I can change my body Carnie.  It’s a trait.  Something certain people can do, like wearing a different hairstyle.  But regardless of what style I am wearing, the person inside is always the same.  Can you understand that?

CARNIE: No.  Yes…  I don’t think I want to.

JESSICA: If you really love me you will.  And that’s what’s at stake here.  The question is do you really love me?

CARNIE: Can I open my eyes now?  (he does, he stares)  How would this work?  How can we be intimate if you’re all… bee-like??

JESSICA: I can wear my human body anytime.  It’s a lot less messy for… Y’know, intimacy.

CARNIE: (hugely relieved) Oh, thank dear God!!

Jessica moves back behind the Chinese screen.

JESSICA: Everything’s going to be alright Carnie.  As long as we love each other.  Do you love me?

Carnie looks at her.

CARNIE: I… I… (sincere) Yes.  I love you.  Of course I love you.

They gaze at each other.  Felix suddenly enters with a bright yellow chiffon dress.

FELIX: I’ve brought you something in chiffon… (pause) Yes, it screams tradition, but why burst all the bubbles at one time??

Carnie and Jessica continue their loving gaze as we…