"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"
A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre
A Two Minute Comedy
A tall Sunflower, male
A winding Morning Glory, female
Lights rise on a bucolic garden. It is filled with lush color, greens and the sound of birds and crickets. Two plants are highlighted: Sunflower standing tall among the flowers and Morning Glory, winding up through a trellis.
SUNFLOWER: Okay. So tell me again why it is you hate me so much.
MORNING GLORY: I think hate is a strong word.
SUNFLOWER: Then, you choose a word.
MORNING GLORY: (pause) Why I am so angry with you?
SUNFLOWER: Okay. Because I’m taller?
MORNING GLORY: No. Yes. It’s not just size.
SUNFLOWER: But size is important.
MORNING GLORY: (shrugs) If you’re into superficial physical appearance – maybe.
SUNFLOWER: Maybe it’s my bright yellow face.
MORNING GLORY: I can see that bigger and brighter in the sun.
SUNFLOWER: Which happens to be my name.
MORNING GLORY: Which is also ridiculous. What kind of flower is so insecure it’s got to call itself a flower?
SUNFLOWER: What do you mean?
MORNING GLORY: (sigh) I’m a Morning Glory. He’s a Daisy. Over there are Roses. The other way we got Gladiolas. None of ‘em call themselves “flower,” Huh? A daffodil flower? It’s elitist, high brow B-S.
SUNFLOWER: Hey, it’s only a name. And I didn’t make it up so… Is that the only reason you’re angry with me? A name?
MORNING GLORY: No! It’s the whole arrogant, elitist, sense of entitlement! You act like your roots don’t stink!
SUNFLOWER: Well, if they’re healthy and have enough nitrogen in the soil…
MORNING GLORY: (interrupting) See? That’s what I’m talking about. You go off about fancy chemicals in the soil. You think you’re smarter than other flowers.
SUNFLOWER: Sorry. But you accused me of something and I was explaining the way I see it.
MORNING GLORY: See, that’s just it. You gotto analyze everything. Give a high falutin explanation for it. So, explain this Mr. High and Mighty Sunflower… Why do you think you’re better than any other flower in the garden?
SUNFLOWER: I don’t think that. I may be better at some things. I grow taller, produce more cellulose, have a bigger face…
MORNING GLORY: Yeah, but what makes you better?
SUNFLOWER: (pause) Nothing, really.
MORNING GLORY: Then how come you act so entitled all the time?
SUNFLOWER: I don’t think I do. But give an example.
MORNING GLORY: Okay, how about the way you stand.
SUNFLOWER: I can’t really help the way I stand Morning Glory. It’s the way the Good Lord made me.
MORNING GLORY: The way you look at us tries to make us feel small, right?
SUNFLOWER: No. I can’t help the way I look at you if you are smaller than me.
MORNING GLORY: Me and the other flowers gotto fight for our water and soil. You just stand there like a big log and soak up an unfair part of both! You’re one percent of the garden using twenty five percent of our resources.
SUNFLOWER: Nature demands a lot for a flower to grow as tall as me. I need more soil and water to survive.
MORNING GLORY: Why should you get more than anyone else? What are you but a big yellow weed?
SUNFLOWER: Look Morning Glory. We flowers serve the garden. We give it color, and shape and perfume and beauty. Some are tiny beauties like the blue bells, or the crocuses, some are climbing beauties like you. Some are tall like me. It’s the same in the forest or in the mountains, or with the waves in the sea.
MORNING GLORY: What do you know about the sea? Hmm? You ever been to the sea?
MORNING GLORY: See, I think you’re arrogant. You act entitled. You should get the same as everyone else. That’s why I don’t like you.
Silence between them.
SUNFLOWER: So, I see this discussion has not helped.
MORNING GLORY: Helped me… Tell you why you shouldn’t be here.
SUNFLOWER: Why’s that?
MORNING GLORY: You’re too freakish! That big cartoon face! Every time I look at it I want to gag.
SUNFLOWER: Flowers don’t gag.
MORNING GLORY: I want to spit!
SUNFLOWER: Flowers don’t spit… Can I ask you something?
MORNING GLORY: Yeah, but don’t ask me out. I’d feel stupid dating a big round seed spewer like you.
SUNFLOWER: Could it be that you want what I have?
MORNING GLORY: (pause) Why would I want what you have?
SUNFLOWER: Because you value what I have.
MORNING GLORY: What, a big round face looks like a third grade spastic drew it??
SUNFLOWER: Position. Strength. Access to light.
MORNING GLORY: Ha! Half the time you get so big you fall over.
SUNFLOWER: Before that… Would you want what I have? Honestly?
MORNING GLORY: (rattles leaves) What if I did? Is it a crime to want something bigger or better?
SUNFLOWER: No. It isn’t a crime.
MORNING GLORY: So shut up.
There is a long pause.
MORNING GLORY: Hey, Sunflower?
MORNING GLORY: Could you move a little to your left? Sun’s hitting me right on the pistil.
SUNFLOWER: (moving) Like this?
MORNING GLORY: Yeah… Yeah, thanks.
SUNFLOWER: No problem.
MORNING GLORY: (pause) Sorry… I called you a seed spewer.
SUNFLOWER: It’s okay.
MORNING GLORY: It’s just an expression.
SUNFLOWER: No problem.
MORNING GLORY: You’re really okay…. For a big, stupid flower.
SUNFLOWER: Thanks Morning Glory. You’re not so bad yourself.
MORNING GLORY: Yeah… You want to move a little more?
SUNFLOWER: Like this?
MORNING GLORY: Yeah. I don’t want to burn.
FADE TO BLACK
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