78Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre

Ezra Loves Rachel

A Two Minute Comedy 


Ezra, 17

Manuel, 17

Rachel, 22


Ezra and Manuel dressed in their Sunday best, wait for a bus. 

Ezra: Manuel…

Manuel: Yes Ezra.

Ezra: Do you ever have… thoughts?

Manuel: Of course I have thoughts.  What do you mean?

Ezra: I mean do you ever have thoughts about…

Manuel: About?  (looks at Ezra)

Ezra: About… You know. 

Manuel: Oh, you mean impure thoughts.  Everyone has weakness, Ezra.  It’s common at our age.

A stunningly beautiful girl crosses the stage.  Ezra and Manuel stare. 

Ezra: Manuel… I think… I think I’m having a heart attack. 

Manuel: (suddenly) Turn away Ezra!  Don’t look at that girl! 

Ezra: (staring) Why?

Manuel: That one is forbidden. 

Ezra: Forbidden?

Manuel:  That is Rachel.  She is from Goalath and she is shunned! 

Ezra: Shunned?

Manuel: Yes.  She is not to be looked upon or spoken to. 

Manuel and Ezra struggle to look away. 

Ezra: Good Lord why is she shunned? 

Manuel: She has offended her community.

Ezra: The people of Goalath? 

Manuel: Yes.

Ezra: (hopeful) But she has not offended us.

Manuel: (sneaking a look) No but we are all of the Squemish people and we must obey the Squemish law.

Ezra: (sneaking a look) Good Lord look at her!  Why would anyone turn away from her

Manuel clamps one hand over Ezra’s eyes, the other over  his own.

Manuel: (tormented) It is best we not be tempted Ezra.  Temptation is the gateway to oblivion. 

Rachel crosses back in front of the two boys.  She stops.

Rachel: Excuse me gentlemen.  Can you help me? 

Manuel and Ezra freeze.  They dare not look up.  Or speak.

Rachel: (pause) Oh I get it.  You guys are shunning me?  No big deal.  I’m just looking for the bus stop. 

Rachel takes out a lipstick.  Ezra starts to twitch, struggling to contain himself.   He is about to burst…

Rachel: I haven’t been here in a while and I forgot where the bus stops exactly. 

Ezra: (exploding) It’s here! 

Rachel: (smiles) Oh good.  I thought this would be the right place.. 

Ezra nods shamefully, Manuel’s hand still clamped over his eyes.

Rachel: You know it’s okay to look at me.  You’ve already talked to me.  That kinda ruins the shun. 

Manuel:  (vehement) Don’t say anything Ezra!  You mustn’t acknowledge her!

Ezra is in temptation hell.  He pries Manuel’s fingers apart to sneak a look.  Rachel is doing her lipstick. 

Rachel: Say listen, me and my friend Ruth are making dinner tonight.  Would you boys be interested in joining us?

Ezra starts to speak but Manuel clamps his other hand over Ezra’s mouth.   

Manuel: (whispering loudly) Do not say a word Ezra.! You must not speak to her.  The woman is an outcast, a misfit!  She has brought shame upon herself!

Rachel: Actually, no.  I’m ashamed of nothing I’ve done.  It’s the elders who are ashamed and who declared that I be shunned. 

Ezra tries to speak.  Manuel struggles to silence him. 

Manuel: You must not speak with the heretic Ezra!  She is evil!

Rachel:  Hey, that’s a bit over the top.  Unless you consider independence evil. 

Ezra can stand it no longer.  He tears Manuel’s hands from his face and stares at Rachel.

Ezra: (infatuated) Dear Lord you are a vision of perfection!  How can anyone say you have done wrong?  

Rachel: (shrugs) They can say it, but it’s not true. 

Ezra: I believe you!   I believe you! 

Manuel: Ezra!  You are a Squemish acolyte!  She is the forbidden fruit!

Rachel: (to Ezra) Your friend’s really kinda dull.  Let’s just have you to dinner. 

Rachel hooks her arm through Ezra’s.  Ezra slowly raises his eyes to meet hers.  She smiles gently.

Rachel:  That’s not so bad now is it? 

Ezra: (mesmerized) No.  Not at all…

Rachel: (to Manuel) Tell Ezra’s family I’ll have him back home by ten o’clock tonight. 

Manuel nods silently. 

Rachel: Oh look, here comes the bus… Shall we? 

Ezra has not taken his eyes off her.  And he does not as we…