75Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre


Start Your Engines!
A Two Minute Comedy


CAST:
Levon - 12 year old boy
Fireball - Race Team Boss
Signorelli - Asst. Team Boss

We HEAR the sounds of a crowded Formula One racetrack.  All three characters are dressed in racing jumpsuits plastered with logos.  Levon has little idea how he got here.  Fireball studies a clipboard.

Fireball: Leevon?  Okay,  listen up.  This is what it’s all about.  This is the answer to your prayers.  You’re standing in the pit of a world class race course.  Out there you got eleven seasoned, trained, experienced Formula One drivers.  You got high speed state of the art technology, a cheering crowd lusting for action, a full tank of fuel, and a clear blue sky… Son, it’s a gift.  Now go out there and show ‘em what you’re made of!

Levon: (stunned) Excuse me sir, but does it matter that I’ve never driven a race car before?

Fireball: Hell no!  We believe in learning on the job!

Levon: But I’ve never driven any car before.

Fireball: That’s what makes it dramatic kid.

Levon: But… isn’t it kinda dangerous?

Fireball: Oh hell kid!  What’s a little danger when you’re poised for dizzying new heights?

Levon stares at Fireball.  At Signorelli.

Signorelli: (without conviction) You listen to Fireball kid.  He’s been doin’ this a long time.

Levon hesitates.  The crowd CHEERS.

Fireball: It’s all out there son.  Fame, glory… big money.

Levon looks around, hesitant.


Fireball: A dream come true.

Levon: (pause) Okay coach…

He straps on his helmet.  Fireball and Signorelli exchange a knowing look.   Levon stops.

Levon: (sincere) Fireball… Thanks for believing in me.

Fireball: (pause) Aw hell kid… Have a Red Bull!

Fireball sticks a can of Red Bull in Levon’s hand, turns him to audience, and a strobe FLASHES!

BLACKOUT

We HEAR the crowd cheer and cars racing, then a long CRASH sequence.  Lights up on Signorelli and Fireball.

Fireball:  (dejected) How many recruits is that?

Signorelli: Forty two, the past six months.

Fireball: How’re our ratings?

Signorelli: Barely a five outta ten share.

Fireball: They’re just not made of the right stuff anymore are they?

Signorelli: It don’t seem that way.

Fireball: What’d we do wrong?

Signorelli: (shrug) Did we explain the circumstances?

Fireball: No.

Signorelli: Did we train him in technique?

Fireball: No.

Signorelli: Did we instruct him in the equipment?

Fireball: No.

Signorelli: Did we get informed consent?

Fireball: No.

Signorelli: Then, we did it by the book!

They shake their heads bewildered.

Fireball: So how is he?

Signorelli: Not very good.

Fireball: So where is he?

Signorelli: He’s right here…

Signorelli hands him a bloody sack.  Fireball SMACKS him.

Fireball: Not here you idiot!

Signorelli: (confused) You said let’s “Show ‘em what he’s made of!”

Fireball looks at audience, smiles sheepishly and
wipes his hands on his jumpsuit.

FADE TO BLACK