46Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre


Central D’ Saster 12
A New D’ Grinning


CAST:
Bucky - the erstwhile team leader
Benny - the cub assistant
Bobby - gay conservative
Buffy - sweet, amorous, calculating
Bill - pragmatic, recovering addict
Baker - liberal, idealist (female)
Broderick - hard-boiled veteran

Moments after the previous episode.  The Central D’ team stare at Bucky face down in the punch bowl.   Suddenly the lights CHANGE.  Bucky enters and stops next to Bucky in the bowl!  The  team lets out a collective GASP. 

Bucky: (smiles) Amazing isn’t it?  I call it an “optical double entendre.”

Benny: (shocked) Meaning there are two chiefs, Chief??

Bucky: Meaning the insinuation of a double meaning for a single… Oh, forget it.

He slaps Bucky in the bowl who suddenly rises gasping for air!

Bucky#2: Golly Chief, I thought you’d never come back!

Bucky: People, I’d like to introduce you to “Bucky Number Two.”

The  team lets out a second collective GASP. 

Broderick: (frowns) What is he, a clone?

Bucky: We prefer to call him a “genetic surrogate.”

Baker: (amazed) We can clone human beings?

Bucky: Ever since Greg Peck in “The Boys from Brazil.”  But that’s not the point. 

Bill: What is the point Buck?

Bucky: I set up this little passion play to let you people know how wrong Central D’ has gone these last few years.  It’s one way I could impress on you that change has to come to this organization and it’s beginning right now.

Bobby: (confused) Excuse me Chief, are you and… “Number Two” in some kind of relationship?

Bucky: No.  Number Two will be put to sleep after this episode.

Bobby: (pause) Oh dear.

Buffy: What about the deep ominous voice that told you, er… him to drink the Kool Aid?

Bucky: Oh, that’s my friend W.D. Focus… (looking up) Focus is a graduate of the Will Shatner school of ironic contradiction.  Isn’t that right Focus?

Voice OS: (echoing) That’s right Buck.  I got my diploma from Bill S. himself!

Benny: (astonished) But, the punch bowl appearing in flames?

Bucky: The talented people at EyeLim with a little help from those whacky animators at Flim Flam Romaine.

Just then a couple of Stage Hands enter and start to carry off the back wall with the Central D’ motto on it. 

Buffy: (staring) You mean this whole operation is…??

Bucky: A sham.  Yes.  Now look people, the reason we only got a fifteen point mindshare on Operation  E-Con is not because you didn’t try hard enough or saturate the media.  We’ve spent over two trillion dollars to scare people into certain behaviors.   It hasn’t worked lately because people do not believe us.  We’ve lost credibility. So, fear-based modification is a tactic of the past.  It’s over.  Done.  Fini…

Benny: (solemn) From the French, “To finish.”

Bobby: (annoyed) How can French be Finnish, Benny?

Bucky: The population we’ve been selling is too sophisticated now.  They see through our charades.  It’s a new, open, transparent world people and we need to change in order to do good works.

Broderick: (skeptical) How do you intend to do that Buck?

Bucky: From here on our approach will no longer be based on fear.  We are going to enter a new phase in which we motivate through humor, laughter, levity and inspiration.  Laughter is proven to emit far more energy than fear.  Positive energy.  It makes people happy and it’s a hell of a lot easier to sell than monster crises. 

Bill: (doubtful) You mean we’re supposed to come up with campaigns that make people laugh?  We’ve got serious work here boss;  it’s not a laughing matter.

Bucky: Who says?  Who says we can’t make people look at themselves and their foibles in a humorous way?  Who says that our work can’t illuminate and uplift and give people the gift of laughter at the same time?

Buffy: Um, the guys who pay for all this?

Bucky: People pay for results.  We’ve gotten disastrous results with the program we’re on.  With your help and the help of our friends in the wings… We can deliver positive results.  Better results.

Behind Bucky we see a backstage area revealed, with lights and cables and stage hands.  The Central D’ team is dumbfounded. 

Bill: (staring backstage) My God Buck, you’ve just shattered our whole world.

Bucky: Not shattered, Bill.  Changed.  And not the whole world; just the fourth wall.

Baker:  (stunned) Does... this mean I could expense a club night at the Improv, Chief?

Bobby: (stunned) Chief, how do you feel about the Fey Method of gag writing?

Buffy: (stunned) There‘s a… comedy retreat in Ashland I heard is excellent.

Broderick: Buck, haven’t we been doing comedy all along?

Bucky: Sure.  But now we’re gonna put it on the front burner.  Humor is our new foundation.  Who’s with me?  Hands please…

The team members hesitantly raise their hands.  So does Bucky Number Two.

Bucky: (batting  hand) Not you Number Two.

Benny: Ahem… Chief?  How did the “genetic surrogate” survive the poison punch?

Bucky: Simple.  Tell ‘em Number Two.

Bucky#2: The deep ominous Voice told me to drink the Kool Aid.  That’s all it is.   Kool Aid.

Baker: (confused) So, all this time we’ve been… In some kind of a play??

Bucky: (shrug) All the world’s a stage, Baker.  Ain’t that right, Bill?

Bill is staring at the complex of lights and technology around them.

Bill: (stunned) I knew I should never have quit drinking…

FADE TO BLACK


A big grin for John Doc Pete and the Pixies.