40Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre

Central D’ Saster 11
“Bucky Meets His Maker?”

Bucky - the erstwhile team leader
Benny - the cub assistant
Bobby - gay conservative
Buffy - sweet, amorous, calculating
Bill - pragmatic, recovering addict
Baker - liberal, idealist (female)
Broderick - hard-boiled veteran

Bucky is downstage, facing the audience.  His face reads abject terror.  Behind him the Central D’ team fidget silently.  On the upstage wall is a large graph titled: “Operation e-Con Sales.”  The bright red line indicates a disastrous downward fall.  Above the graph hangs the tattered Central D’ motto: “When People Look Bad, We’ve Done Good.”  

Baker: (hesitant) Umm, boss, isn’t it true that these polls skew south because people don’t understand the issue?  (pause) Given another couple of months we should see a bounce.

Benny: (hopeful) Yeah boss, most people don’t have time to absorb depressing news ‘cause they’re busy living…

Bobby: Happy lives.  Some people are just infected with hope and optimism Chief.  You can’t let it… depress you.

Bucky struggles to compose himself.  But his terror cannot be subdued.  He chews on a knuckle and turns to the team.

Bucky: “Operation e-Con” has been the worst disaster in Central D’ history… the chart shows it. We’ve got a paltry fifteen point mindshare.

Broderick: (grim) Don’t forget “Operation Hot Potato” Chief.  Your numbers were single digit with that one.

Suddenly a deep, booming VOICE echoes across the stage.  Bucky’s face goes a whiter shade of pale. 

Voice: There you are Bucky!  I’ve been looking for you!

Bucky:  (terrified) I’m, I’m right here, sir.

Voice: Good.  Buck, I want you to look at the head of the conference table.

All heads turn to look at the head of the table.  Suddenly, in a burst of FLAME, a crystal punch bowl appears.  It’s filled with an apple red fruit punch.  There’s a collective GASP from the team.

Voice:  Buck, we both know all good things must end.  Today, in this moment, I’m asking you to honor that credo. 

Bucky stares, utterly paralyzed.

Voice: Let’s look at it this way, Buck.  You’ve had a… B-A-D run, right?  You knocked a few outta the park.  But it’s time to change the guard and get this operation back on track.

Bucky: I…I could get us back…

Voice: (harsh) No Buck.  You can’t.  You’ve tanked the company long enough.  You and your team know that success in our business is based entirely on mindshare.  The graph on the wall tells the story and we do not tolerate failure.  (pause) Just, drink the Kool Aid Buck.

Bucky: But…

Voice: Don’t embarrass yourself in front of your team Buck.

The team all stare at Bucky.  He stares at the punch bowl.  Then, resigned, he crosses to the head of the table.

Bucky: (quiet) Maybe there’s some good in this…

Benny: (hopeful) It looks like Sangria, boss.

Voice: Let this be a lesson for the whole Central D’ team.  We gave you an unlimited budget, a hundred thirty eight newspapers, twenty two wire services, seventeen TV networks, four hundred radio stations and scripts for both political parties… And you gave us a fifteen point mindshare!  Drink the Kool Aid Bucky!

Bucky ladles a punch glass full of Kool Aid.  He straightens and raises it in a toast.

Bucky: (stoically ) It’s been an honor making people look B-A-D with you comrades.  I am sorry I let you down.  I’m sorry I underestimated the tenacity of the enemy, err, public.  Goodbye and good luck…

He quickly drinks the Kool Aid spilling some down his shirt.  Buffy rises tearfully, hands him her handkerchief.  Bucky uses it to mop his sweating brow.  He shudders, grimaces horribly, clutches his chest.  Bill snaps a cell phone photo.

Baker: (sickened) I can’t watch…

Broderick: (grim) There’s just one way to look at this people.

Buffy: (tearful) What’s that Broderick?

Broderick: It’s up there on the wall.  “When People look Bad…”

Bucky stiffens and collapses face down into the punch bowl.  The team stares, then in ragged unison, intones the mantra…

ALL: “We’ve Done Good.”


Editor's Note:

Could this be the end?  Is there life after Bucky?  Watch the skies and stay tuned dear friends!