38Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre


In Recognition of World Anti-Corruption Day
In special tribute to the forthcoming UN World Anti-Corruption Day, we bring you "School for Scandal" a short play about the student anti-corruption movement. 


School For Scandal
A Short Comedy

CAST:
Dean Witherinvane - 55
Chief Council Shorts - 50
Provost Stewart Bed - 45
Katie Plane - feisty Student body President - 21
Prof. Richard Stone - Student Affairs Advisor - 33
Constance Hart - Student Action Chair - 20

The stage is set with a large podium left center, flanked on either side by Council Shorts and Provost Bed.  Right center is a far less imposing dais for the three student representatives.  From offstage we hear the sound of a vocal, raucous student body favoring the students.  At rise a heated debate is underway.

Shorts: I am not threatening you Ms. Plane, I am making the University’s position clear.  Your student strike is in violation of campus regulations with respect to student behavior, non-permitted gatherings, interruption of access, and harassment of personnel.

A chorus of boos and hisses from the student body.


Katie: I am sorry… Are you a professor Mr. Shorts?  

Witherinvane: Mr. Shorts is Chief Council to the Office of the Dean.

Katie: So he’s your lawyer.  Question Dean Witherinvane, why is it you need a lawyer to talk to your students?

The crowd hoots and hollers support.

Shorts: The Dean has asked that I advise the University as to the legal implications of work stoppage and interruption of  campus activities. 

Katie: For the record, Professor Stone, Ms Hart and I are here without legal council as our issues arise from the inalienable rights of students not only here at Templeton but at universities and  colleges throughout the world!

More hoots and hollering.

Shorts: (smug) Quite frankly Ms. Plane you have no such rights.  You address this body at the pleasure of the Dean who may at any time call campus Security and have you all held in detention.

Boos, hisses and cat calls from the crowd.  Prof Stone interjects.

Prof. Stone: Dean, there’s no need to threaten the students.  They have a perfect right to be heard and had you not wished to do so, none of you would be here.

Witherinvane: I am willing to listen to the Student President but, do not test my patience Professor Stone.  The business of education has come to a halt and it is my business to fix that.  Ms. Plane…

Katie: Dean Witherinvane, the student strike centers around valid grievances.  One of which is the brutal assault and injury to fourteen students peacefully protesting Administration corruption.  Your campus cops, or should I say campus Gestapo,  regularly use physical force and intimidation to cow the student body.  They are the tactics of a tin star despot, not of an institution of higher learning.  Our first demand is you tell your police force to stand down!

Huge outburst of applause.

Shorts: (over noise) Ms. Plane… Your representation of Templeton Security as Gestapo is a disgrace and it may be actionable under local liability statutes.

Katie: Mr. Shorts, you don’t scare me.  IMHO?  You are a sniveling shyster with the manners of a poisonous snake!  How’s that for actionable?  (students go crazy)  Let’s get down to business folks… Constance Hart from our Student Action Committee has some questions.  Constance…

Constance: Dean Witherinvane, in light of the ongoing scandal with the University Trust, and according to the Report on Trust Irregularities by the outside law firm of Schmidt Burke and Crane - we have this question: Why did the university order the destruction of evidence? 

Shorts: There is no proof of that allegation Ms. Hart.

Constance: The SB&C report is very clear Council.  It shows eight different occasions where evidence the University and SB&C investigators knew to be of significant importance - was willfully destroyed.  Dean Witherinvane, why was evidence destroyed?  What was destroyed?   And who ordered it?  (applause, cheers from audience)

Witherinvane: (uncomfortable) I… I would like for our Council Mr. Shorts to answer that.

Shorts: The investigation into the gathering of evidence is in process and we will not comment at this time.

Provost Bed: I’d like to add that it is far outside the realm of the student body to demand information from the University on how it runs the University Trust.  That is up to our Board and the Dean.

Constance: Dean Witherinvane, can you explain to us why it is we have met a wall of silence from not only your Administration, but from tenured professors on this subject?

Provost Bed: How do tenured professors figure into this Ms. Hart?

Constance: We have documentation showing that Department heads at the School of Journalism, School of Political Science, Department of Ethics in Natural Disaster, the School of Public Policy, and Department of Criminal Law - were all offered the details of evidence tampering in SB&C Report.   And not one… Not one person has taken any action to address it in public.

Provost Bed: It is not the business of Department heads to comment on Administration policy Ms. Hart.

Shorts: Nor are they legally able under their contracts to the University to make any such comment. 

Katie: (fed up) Alright, cut the mumbo jumbo gentlemen.  We have shown University leadership hard evidence of wrongdoing and we have gotten NO ACTION!!  The evidence you’ve been shown comes directly from the Report the University itself commissioned. 

Provost Bed: That’s supposed to be  a confidential report  and you have no business…

Prof. Stone: I’m sorry Stuart… May I call you Stu, Mr. Bed?  The SB&C Report has been made public as it should be since it was paid for with some six hundred thousand dollars of University funds.  The students have every right to that Report.

Provost Bed: It is still no business of the students in this University to interfere in the affairs of the Administration or the Board of Directors.

Constance: The Trust exists for the sole benefit of the students.  The administration of the Trust affects the amount and type of benefit the students receive.  There is a serious allegation from an unimpeachable source - and you all are ignoring it!  (pause) Sir, when a University fails to condemn corruption, it effectively condones it! 
 
Wild applause from the students. 

Prof Stone: Which would lead us to wonder if the Board and Executors of the Trust were not in violation of their fiduciary responsibility.

Katie: Bottom line Dean Witherinvane… Until we see action to reveal the facts behind the SB&C Report, and until we see accountability on the part of the Department heads and the Administration -- this student body will continue to take our case directly to the people.  We will do it openly, vigorously, with all the fanfare and public attention it deserves! 

The students burst into applause, cheers, wild stomping and shouting.

Witherinvane: (bristling) Do not attempt to threaten this office Ms. Plane, you would be making a grave mistake. 

Katie: Oh I think the grave mistake has already been made Dean Witherinvane.  And until we see a  whole lot more of the iceberg you’re sitting on - expect the temperatures to continue to rise! Dean, you’re in for the kind of global warming you never expected.

More cheering, shouting stomping as the… 

LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK