32Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre

The Extremely Frugal Club
A Comedy of Little Use

Ms. Minapple - extremely practical
Mr. Shortspoon - dedicated to little
Finagy Fleabite - awkward, disabled
Fester Littletop - bookish
Rev. Albor Nealagin - evangelist
Tiny Innatel - a girl

Ms. Minapple, stands in the center of the stage surrounded by Club members.  They each strike a pose as if sitting, leaning or resting on invisible furniture.  These poses cause them considerable discomfort which they struggle to dismiss.  Ms. Minapple, smooths her hair, and vigorously rings a brass bell with no clapper.

Miapple: Ladies, gentlemen, children, attention!  Attention must be paid!  Tiny Innatel, that means you young lady!

Tiny Innatel: Don’t waste words on me Ms. Minapple!  I heard the silent bell!

Minapple: Finagy Fleabite, kindly do not slouch!

Fleabite: I’m not slouching Ms. Minapple, it’s my scoliosis!

Minapple:  That is no excuse!  Remember, the straighter the soul the stronger the body.

Fleabite struggles to straighten up but topples over like a fallen tree.

Minapple: Reverend Nealagin, would you please give the invocation.

Rev. Nealagin: Gladly Ms. Minapple.  (bows head) We, the humble members of the Extremely Frugal Club,  gather together in brief recognition of our solemn duties of little use.  We beg forgiveness for our daily excess and strive to take far less than we need.  In the name of brevity and shortness of breath, Amen.

ALL: Amen!

Minapple: Thank you Reverand.  This meeting of the Northwestern Extremely Frugal Club is now in order.  Mr. Shortspoon, would you recite the dogma?

Shortspoon: That I will Ms. Minapple.  (reads) The Extremely Frugal Club is a simple organization eschewing consumption, ingestion, digestion, and suggestion.  We have few members, simple rules and an inconspicuous carbon footprint.  It is our belief that the matter of matter is a material maelstrom and the less we choose the more we lose.  The EFC has no dues or fees and requires no application for membership.  The only requirement for membership is a demand to use less and a sincere… 

ALL: …love of the little!

Minapple: Thank you Mr. Shortspoon.  Fester Littletop do you have the minutes from our last meeting?

Littletop:  I do Ms. Minapple.  (pause) Resolved at our last meeting that the minutes would and should no longer be written in any shape or form.  Resolved that ink, paper and expended energy in the form of writing was inconsistent with our charter of little use and by a vote of five yeas and one nay, resolution was passed and incorporated into EFC bylaws…

Littletop pauses and looks up expectantly.  Silence.

Minapple: May we hear the rest of the minutes Fester?

Littletop: Um, I do not recall the rest of the minutes Ms. Minapple. 

Minapple: And why is that Fester?

Littletop:  I… cannot recall Ms. Minapple.

Minapple: (stares) I see.  Well then, do we have any new business?

Fleabite:  Yes.  I do Ms. Minapple.  Since we removed the furniture for seating, and as some of us suffer physical hardships, I move to discuss a resolution to sit on the floor.

Minapple: (surprised) Well.  We have a motion to discuss sitting on the floor.  Anyone?

Shortspoon: I don’t see the need to sit on the floor when leaning and standing works just fine.

Tiny Innatel: Yeah, why should we have to sit down, get up, sit down get up?  It’s a waste of time and energy!

Rev. Nealagin: And all the time we use to sit and stand could be spent attending to the constructive business of the EFC.

Shortspoon: (quietly) Personally I would like to sit on the floor.  Ever since we got rid of the couch my back has been killing me.

Minapple: A little pain and suffering is the staple of a simple life Shortspoon.  If you can’t make the sacrifice to stand for an hour or two - how do you expect to cut down on the big items like food and clothing?

Tiny Innatel: Or heat and light?

Rev Nealagin: Or reading and writing?

Minapple: You see Shortspoon and Fleabite, the spirit of our group is to conserve.  Conservation of personal energy is just as important as, skipping meals or using less toilet paper. 

Fleabite: I just want to sit on the floor is all.

Fester Littletop waves a hand frantically.

Minapple:  Yes Fester?

Littletop: In the name of brevity and shortness of breath I move to end the discussion and adjourn the meeting.

Minapple: (pleased) Very well.  All those in favor?

ALL: Yeah!

Minapple: Opposed?

Fleabite: (timidly) Nay?

Minapple: Motion passed, meeting adjourned.  Closing everyone…

Everyone reaches into a pocket and turns it inside out, empty.

Rev. Nealagin: Until we meet again and share less than we did before, we humbly pray for frugal blessings and our continued…

ALL: Love of the little!