13Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre

"Want You to Hurt Like I Do"

A Two Minute Comedy

 A theatrical interpretation of Randy Newman’s song: “I Want You to Hurt Like I Do”   For best effect listen to the song while reading the following.


Lucky -  a young man

Nurse - a young woman 

Interior Hospital Emergency Room.  LUCKY, is seated, a single wooden crutch in hand.  He wears a bulky rain coat.  On his head, a knit cap with just a bit of bloody bandage showing beneath.  The NURSE approaches.  MUSIC starts.  LUCKY struggles to rise but cannot.  They look knowingly at each other.

I ran out on my children
And I ran out on my wife
Gonna run out on you too baby,
I’ve done it all my life

NURSE reaches out to touch Lucky’s head.  But he recoils.  They emote silently.

Everybody cried the night I left
Almost everybody did
My little boy just hung his head

NURSE again tries to examine Lucky’s head wound.  Again he pulls away.

I put my arm, put my arm around his little shoulder

LUCKY agreeing now to show her his wound…

And this is what I said…

LUCKY SNATCHES the cap off his head - revealing a dinner fork jammed into his skull!

Sonny, I just want you to hurt like I do…
I just want you to hurt like I do

NURSE, utterly shocked… Tries to summon help.   But Lucky detains her.

I just want you to hurt like I do
Honest I do , honest I do, honest I do

LUCKY starts to struggle again to his feet. 

If I had one wish,
One dream I knew would come true
Want to speak to all the people of the world
Get up there, I’d get up there on that platform
First I sing a song or two
You know I would, then I’d…
And then I’ll tell you what I’d do
I’d talk to the people and I’d say

LUCKY rips open his raincoat, revealing a buccaneer’s  sword sticking out of his chest!

“It’s a rough, rough world
It’s a tough, tough world

NURSE is horrified… But Lucky pleads for her to stay.

Well you know,
Things don’t always, things don’t always
Go the way we plan

LUCKY turns around to reveal the other end of the sword sticking out of his back.

If there’s one thing, one thing
We all have in common
Something that everyone could understand,
All over the world sing along…”

LUCKY tugs at his left hand… It comes off, a prosthetic. 

I just want you to hurt like I do,

From within the empty sleeve comes a paraplegic’s hook.  He reaches for NURSE’S face, but she recoils.

I just want you to hurt like I do,
I just want you to hurt like I do

Finally, overwhelmed, she lets him touch her face with the hook.  They gaze lovingly at each other.

Honest I do, honest I do, honest I do.


Music & Lyrics Copyright © 1988 Randy Newman, All Rights Reserved