A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre
“Twenty Four… Seconds”
A Two Minute Comedy Series
Glower: Does it seem odd he has the same name as me Chief?
Bay: My God Chief, if the Wharranies get a hold of him they might make him dance the Hoorah!
Bilco: Not just that Bay. The meandering war lords could pick him up, strip him bare, and leave him for dead!
Glower: Or trump him up on espionage charges and put on a show trial!
Bay: Disgusting Chief! Is there no limit to what these war lords will do??
Bilco: Let’s not go negative Bay. Your flight leaves in two and a half seconds!
They mime the following action, punctuated by musical stings after each transition.
Glower: Fear not Chief. We’ll parachute into St. Cloud (sting), crawl through the desert (sting), elude the war lords(sting), locate the friendly… (turns, stares at Bay)
Bay: (infatuated) We’re here to rescue you (sting).
Glower: Pack him into our Sop-withering Camel and be back before you can say…
Bilco: (angry) Where have you been Glower??
Glower: St. John, St. Andrew, St. Mark and Saint George. Success! Pupkeen’s back on the job, Chief!
Bay: And oh my is he cute!
Bilco: He’s just a diplomat Bay!
Bay: (dreamily) I know. But he’s got the cutest smile and he smells good! Like… Like… Chocolate chip cookies!
Bilco: (worried) Be cool Bishos. Baque, get Bay into bed!
Glower: (picking up Bay in his arms) For God, country and… the final frontier!
He winks at camera. The stopwatch bug clicks over to 1:36
Parisian Music. Glower and Bay are wearing exaggerated French artiste outfits. SFX: seagull cry.
Bilco: (barking) Glower we’re in a state of emergent sea! What’s up with the get ups??
Glower: (French accent) It is for the French connection job Chief! Ve vill stroll the Champs Elyse in the Montmartre section of the Rue du La Pais like ze artiste lovers of Bohemia…
Bay: Zen we’ll locate Monsieur Swason Sank Nuf!
Glower: The world famous artiste of the bare naked nude portraits!
Bay: Like zis post card from your top drawer Chief…
Bilco: (embarrassed) What’s this got to do with the French erection… er, correction??
Glower: Connection Chief! When we are in ze good graces of Swason Sank Nuf, he will fall for the charms of ze delicious Bay Bishos…
Bay reveals a little thigh.
Glower: Zen while Bay whispers sweet lies to his ears I will plant ze secret French document onto ze frame of his bare naked nude painting!
Bilco: Hmmm. Plant the picture with a frame! It’s just crazy enough to work Glower!
Glower: Back in twelve seconds Chief…
Parisian Music. Glower assumes Swason character, seducing Bay.
Glower: Mon Cheri, you have ze most alluring parfait por moi frappe… (they embrace)
Bay: (whispering in his ear) Swason Sank Nuf vous le vous cuche avec moi you bad little boy?
Glower: Oui, oui, oui, all ze way home mon cheri!
Bay: (stopping him) But you will do one thing por moi? (he nods rapidly) I will take ze picture of you, yes?
Glower: Oui, of course, perfect a mon!!!
Bay hands him an empty picture frame, he peers through it, she snaps picture. They throw away their berets, turn and face Bilco.
Glower: Mission accomplished Chief!
Bilco: (impressed) I hate to say it Glower but you and Bay are simply the best!
Bay: Better than all the rest, Chief?
Bilco: (grudgingly) Yes. Now give me back my post card!!
They freeze. The stopwatch clicks over, this time to 2:00. Music Cue: Lalo Shiffrin coda.
Announcer: Tune in next week for another exciting adventure of “Twenty Four... Seconds!” A Two Minute Comedy Series!
Copyright (c) 2007 GRC, All Rights Reserved