9Two Minute Comedy

"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre

"Inherit the Sin?"
A Two Minute Comedy

Mr. DuPontif - Rigorous academic, 32
Jimmy, Kalid, Hector, Talika, Buffy, Mai Lin - seventh graders

Interior classroom.  Mr. DuPontif is writing on the whiteboard the word: “Inherit”  Before he finishes Buffy’s hand shoots up.

DuPontif:  Who can tell me what this means?  Mai Lin?

Mai Lin: Um, when someone dies, they inherit… their stuff?

DuPontif: (writing) Inherit stuff… Okay, who else?  Talika?

Talika: Like when my grandma died, my Mom got her walker, her cane and her wooden leg.

DuPontif: Right.  More stuff.  Anyone else know what “inherit” means?  Hector?

Hector: When my grampa died my Mom got a bunch of money… We were sad, so she took us to Magic Mountain and I puked on the Batman ride.

DuPontif: Hector that’s a surprise… (writing) Money you didn’t have before… Kalid?  Any ideas?

Kalid: My cousin’s dad got a million or something when his grandpa died.  They moved to a big house with a swimming pool - pretty cool.

DuPontif: Inherited wealth. A way that rich people keep money to themselves.  Okay Buffy, what is your idea?

Buffy: (glancing at her cell phone) “Inherit” is to receive property, money or a right by succession or a will.  A person who inherits is called an heir.

Jimmy: (quietly) You mean like an air-head?

DuPontif: I’m sorry, what was that Jimmy?

Jimmy: Nothing.

DuPont: No it’s not nothing, if you have something to say please say for the whole class.

Jimmy: It’s not important.

DuPontif: Well, why not let me be the judge of that Jimmy?  Go ahead and tell us what you said.

Jimmy: I really don’t need to Mr. DuPontif.

Dupontif: Jimmy, didn’t your family inherit some money along the way?

Jimmy: Yes sir, they did.

DuPontif:  Why don’t you tell us how your family got so rich Jimmy.  Did your father work for all that money?

Jimmy: Well, my dad works in the family business.

DuPontif: So, instead of having to go out and earn a living on his own, your father just “inherited” a business and a fat salary and your big home? 

Jimmy: No sir.

DuPontif: No?  How did your father make his money Jimmy?  Did he ever work for anyone else?  Did he ever do a day’s work in a business he didn‘t own?

Jimmy: I… I don’t think so Mr. D.

DuPontif: So, inherited wealth is living off the labors of others.  Isn’t that right Jimmy?

Jimmy: (pause) I don’t know.
Buffy: (brightly) Inherited wealth is the lazy man’s living.  Inheritance breeds sloth, complacency, and feelings of entitlement!

Dupontif  turns to whiteboard.  Jimmy shoots a spitball at Buffy.

DuPontif:  (writing) “Entitlement…”  Excellent Buffy.  Anyone know what “entitlement” means? (Buffy’s hand waves frantically) Someone other than Buffy?  How ‘bout Talika?

Talika: Um, entitlement is when someone believes they are better than someone else? 

DuPontif: Very good Talika.  When someone thinks they’re better than someone else.  Did you hear than Jimmy?

Jimmy: Yes sir… Um, Mr. DuPontif?

DuPontif: What?

Jimmy: In Sunday School they taught us Genesis One, verse 26, says that God gave man dominion over the fish, the birds, the animals and every thing that moved on the earth.

DuPontif: (annoyed) What’s your point Jimmy?

Jimmy: Well, what kind of work did man do to inherit all that stuff Mr. DuPontif?

Kids all look at Mr. DuPontif expectantly.

DuPontif: (darkly) Stand up Jimmy.  (Jimmy stands)  Bat or ball?

Jimmy: Sorry sir?

DuPontif: (threatening) Bat or ball? 

Jimmy: (frowns) I don’t know… Ball?

DuPontif: Good choice Jimmy.

DuPontif takes a baseball from his pocket, THROWS it hard at Jimmy’s head!!  Jimmy crumples to the floor.

Buffy: (impressed) Outstanding arm Mr. D!

DuPontif: Kids, some people just don’t learn.  So we keep teaching them over and over again and hope they realize the only thing smart alecs inherit… is pain. 

Long pause.  Then the kids burst out CHEERING.

DuPontif: (to audience) In this classroom, I don’t tolerate kids who think for themselves!