3Two Minute Comedy


"Give us Two Minutes... We'll Give You Too"

A Series of Two Minute Comedy Sketches for short attention span theatre

“Limited Overhead”
A Two Minute Comedy Sketch

CAST:
Jeanet - an attractive woman, 30s.  Smartly dressed.
Phillip - mid-forties

Exterior, nicely landscaped contemporary home.  There is a BeMax Real Estate sign beside the front door.  Two people approach.  Jeanet, very stylish.  Phillip in casual clothes.

Jeanet: The last one sold down the street for double what the fellow paid three years ago.

Phillip: It’s a boom market.

Jeanet: No better investment in the world than real estate.  We have two offers on this one but we keep showing until one or the other closes.

Phillip: What’s the square footage?

Jeanet: Thirty six hundred square feet.  Everything new.  Highest quality.  No expense spared.  Two car garage to the left.  Screened porch off the kitchen on the right.  Exterior is cedar shingle, granite facing, poured concrete foundation with rebar reinforcement.  Builder guarantees the structure in winds up to one hundred eighty miles per hour.

Phillip: You get that kind of weather out here?

Jeanet: Rarely.  But when the big one does blow you want to be in a home that won’t fall apart right? (she opens the front door) Ever since Katrina people think a whole lot more about severe storm resistance and “force mejuer” hazards…

Phillip: Force??

Jeanet: Notice the marble with varied inlay here in the vestibule.  It’s Italian veneer of the very highest quality made right here in Duane county.

Phillip: How can it be Italian if…

Jeanet: (they enter) Of course by using the local building materials the home maintains a much “greener” profile.  The oak flooring is urethane coated veneer with a poly-ollyethylene foundation making it virtually scratch, burn and pet resistant.   So you won’t have to flip out when the dog pees or the little ones play with matches… Hah, just kidding!

Phillip: Are you saying that the floors are mostly…plastic?

Jeanet: Composites actually.  Much more durable than plastics.  Composites are changing the world we live in.  The new Virgin Galactic space ship is one hundred percent composites and this home is following that high tech lead.

Phillip: I kind of like natural materials myself…

Jeanet: I am glad you said that because this home was built with nothing but natural habitat in mind.  The first thing you’ll notice is the absolutely stunning use of natural light…

Phillip: (staring up)  There’s… There’s no… Roof. 

Jeanet: Right.  Simply brilliant isn’t it?  The architect, Benjamin Little Thote has taken an admittedly radical but ever-so-environmental approach to the design.

Phillip: (dumbfounded) How do you sell a home with no roof?

Jeanet: You see part of the green revolution is to adapt to a new way of living.  Most people these days are becoming aware of our need to cut down on conspicuous consumption,  energy use, high fat diets, sedentary lifestyles.  So, BeMax Realty has been trying hard to focus on new home stylings that match the  lifestyles of our most conscientious clients.

Phillip: You trying to tell me you think someone’s gonna buy a house with no roof on it?

Jeanet: Mr. Kramer, you’d be astonished at how many people come in here and tell me they absolutely love it.

Phillip: How do you love a house with no roof?

Jeanet:  It’s all a part of a new way of living Mr. Kramer.

Phillip: What the hell do you do when it rains??

Jeanet: (pops open a large umbrella) Each Benjamin Little Thote home is sold with a full compliment of heavy duty, fully watertight GoreTex umbellas made right here in…

Phillip: Duane County.  Look, I’ve seen enough.  I am not interested in any house that doesn’t have a… a roof on it.  It’s just not what I am looking for…

Jeanet: Mr. Kramer I want you to think of this like an obstacle in your path to a new way of living.  With a little forethought, ingenuity, and a newfound dedication to an open life,  you’ll be surprised at how happy you can be in a home like this.

(A loud clap of THUNDER and rains pours down - Phillip looks up plaintively)

Jeanet: (covering Phillip with umbrella) How about I make us some coffee and we look at the master bedroom?

CUE MUSIC: First bar Bacharach’s “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” 

THE END