Really just the staging page for the blog

more of course at

(where the quota filled error killed me)















Useless Duck's office is too cold for him to type his responses to the reviews of his paper on supersymmetric string theory.

Useful Duck to will fix the heating post-haste. 




 "Who will help me sow the wheat, reap the wheat, mill the grain, knead the dough, and bake the bread?" asked Useful Duck.
"Not I!" said the secretary bird.
"Not I!" said the bonobo.
"Not I!" said the pangolin.
"Is that a 'good carb' or a 'bad carb'?" said Useless Duck.




Useless Duck's team can build a four-story, four star hotel in five days!  

Fortunately contractor Useless Duck can keep them employed on site at least two months 

--- and that's without help from Useless Grebe, who issues permits and does insections for the city. 

(ClickforAwesomeODetail, UselessGrebeFan)



You can use Useful Duck's beak to open beer bottles. 

Useless Duck isn't even confortable to sit on. 


Useful Duck donates to worthy causes.
Useless Duck buys 40s for the homeless.

Useful Duck limits his carbon footprint.
Useless Duck buys bigger boots.




 Useful Duck's documentary on the Ethiopian architectural history is on.
Useless Duck is flipping channels looking for boobs and/or slasher flicks.






Maniuplative Stalinist Ducks have made poor, deluded Useful Duck into their propagandist tool.  

Useless Duck, working in Stalinist Ducks' DMV, receives some of the broadcasts.

(Tooling for BostonCream3.14159...

Useful Duck can greet you in 11 languages.
Useless Duck laughs at foreigners.

Useful Duck sweeps the sidewalk.
Useless Duck sweeps his filth under the rug.



Useful Duck knows the difference between channel locks and vice grips.
Useless Duck is offended when you ask for dikes.

Useful Duck clips coupons.
Useless Duck saves news articles on Hasselhoff.


Useful Duck preheats his oven to make perfect pies.
Useless Duck thinks gasoline and lighter fluid are interchangeable.






Useful Duck purchases fresh fruit and vegetables daily toward his daily goal to "strive for five".
Useless Duck spent last week vomiting because he ate the questionable foodstuffs in the fridge after the blackout.

(There are some who call me...Technicolour Yanni)


Useful Duck always says "please" and "thank you."
Useless Duck shouldn't be quoted.
(Live, from W8n4GDoe)


Useful Duck knows the Dewey Decimal System.
Useless Duck reads Danielle Steele.
(By way of "2_4_Da_Munny")


Useful Duck RSVPs to every invitation.
Useless Duck thinks private parties mean "no pants."


Motorists drive on the tunnel road paved by Useful Duck
Too bad they don't know the massive concrete slabs in the ceiling above were designed by Useless Duck.



Useful Duck teaches youngsters how to swim.
Useless Duck pretends to drown so he can make it with the lifeguard.
(From "Boysters&Muscles")

Useful Duck supports public transportation initiatives.
Useless Duck draws moustaches on people who sleep on the bus.
( "SenileFelineS")



Useful Duck will haggle for you at a yard sale.   Useless Duck will haggle for you at McDonalds.    (Special thanks to "DaGuvenator")



Useful Duck makes you a birthday cake.
Useless Duck comes to your party at the aquarium and tells the keeper to make the penguins stop "being intimate".





Useful Duck gets your lady friend in the mood with his Marvin Gayesque vocals.
Useless Duck points out that 3 of 4 young persons has a "social disease".
(a choadalicious thought) 


Most hilarious sidebar ad:    





Useful Duck will organize your photo album.
Useless Duck will hide cameras in your bathroom.
(From JumpinJax)



Useful Duck pitches fast to make the game more watchable.
Useless Duck can’t turn the double play due to the beer in his throwing hand.
 (courtesy of the WADder)



 Useful Duck helps Boy Scouts get their merit badges.
Useless Duck helps strippers get their pasties.
(From our good friend my-T-Fine)






Useful Duck will replace your lawnmower's spark plugs.
Useless Duck points out your hair plugs.
(Via satellite from RunawayTrain)