Crazy or charming?  You decide!

"This isn't going to work for me. To save the environment, I try to use only double-sided paper, and this site doesn't have any indication that they can support that." -- Moe, about blanksheetofpaper.com

Here's our standard auto reply message that we HAVE to send out dozens of times a day to people who take this seriously:

Dear Sir,

If this is about blanksheetofpaper.com, please note that:

1) The site is a joke.  

2) You do not need this utility.  Please stop emailing us for support!  It is not a real utility.  You do not need ANY utility to produce blank paper.  If you have actually been using this and requesting assistance, please rest assured that this email is entirely serious, not a joke, and we are not "playing" with you.   Blanksheetofpaper.com has NEVER been real.  We cannot help you with missing or jammed paper, invalid entries, upgrades, etc.  If your printer is not producing blank paper, it's probably because your printer is broken.  DO NOT SEND IT TO US!

If this is about rewinddvds.googlepages.com, please note that:

1) The site is a joke.  DVDs do not require rewinding.

2) We don't return received DVDs.  If you were stupid enough to send DVDs, then you deserve both maltreatment and mockery.

At this time we have received over 1113 DVDs and returned none.  Lawsuits and threats of lawsuits can be forwarded to:   lawsuits@blanksheetofpaper.com.  Please note, due to the volume of lawsuits and lawsuit threats, we may require up to six weeks to address your particular lawsuit.  Please attach a case file number ot the subject line so that we can track your lawsuit.  Death threats can be forwarded to deaththreats@blanksheetofpaper.com.  Please be sure to include your case file for any death threats as well, or your death threat may not be responded to.

If this is about turbobutton.googlepages.com, please note that:

1) The site is a joke

2) Your computer did NOT actually get slower, nor is it broken.  If you were stupid enough to pack up your entire computer and send it, then you'll just have to come pick it up in person.

At last count, we have received 563 computers.  Machines left after 30 days will be sold off and the money blown in the most wasteful manner possible, such as buying drugs and feeding them to wildlife, bear baiting with ecstasy, or throwing bits of acid paper into the local zoo penguin exhibit.

Law firms, please note that we DO respond to all lawsuits.  Please note that out of 118 lawsuits filed we haven't lost one yet, and previous judges have referred to complaintants as "morons", "imbeciles" and "so stupid that I can't believe they walk upright."  Any lawsuits filed outside of the jurisdiction of Canada will immediately have a request for venue change filed.

We look forward to addressing any concerns as soon as possible,
etc. etc.

And now, some feedback from our crazy and/or charming visitors about Blanksheetofpaper.com:

"While struggling to learn how to use the program I forgot where I put my pencil…" Phram

"Finally. I was getting so sick of using white out to get my sheets blank. You wouldn't believe the number of hours this site saves me per day!" -- N. Stuff

Hello,

Your utility, "Blank Sheet of Paper!" has been of much use to me and my coworkers. My company does handwritten calligraphy, so naturally we don't have to print much - But we have an industrial printer that holds 6,000 sheets at a time. Since paper can become dangerous if left in a printer for too long, as I found out courtesy of a handy chain letter, we throw out all 6,000 sheets in the printer each month when we order more. We're a very small business and have fewer than 20 orders a month - So we typically order 6,200 sheets of paper per month. Recently, our orders have gone up and we've been forced to spend money on additional paper.

Thanks to your utility, when we run out of our 200 sheets of paper, we just print out some more from our convenient industrial printer! However, we recently were fined by the government since we had attempted to evade taxes, and were forced to sell our computer systems. We were running modified Commodore 64's, which no longer met the requirements of your utility's 1.6 version, so we were forced to download version 1.2.

However, halfway through the month we ran out of our 200 sheets and attempted to print some more, but to no avail. We noticed smoke and the smell of burnt paper and plastic, but shrugged it off and attributed it to the crack house next door. We all left work that day and I, being an early riser, arrived the next day to find our office in smouldering ruins!

We phoned your technical support hotline but were rudely told that version 1.2 was no longer supported, and we were responsible for any damages or problems caused. We're sorely disappointed in your company's ethics and would like a full reimbursement of a Commodore 64, a high-capacity photocopier, a half-eaten Big Mac and a desk made from plywood and chewing gum.

If you're wondering why we're making these demands, it's because we were unable to receive the insurance payment on the building because we haven't paid the insurance company in 23 months. Poor ethics, all-round, I must say.
Nice site, by the way. Gave me a good laugh.

Sean H.

Have you checked out rewinddvds, our convenient mail in DVD rewinding service?  You can try it here --  Rewinddvds!