One Step Beyond a Standard Turbo-Button!
Now With Extra Turbo!
|"Wonderfully easy to use! You've simplified the turbo button to only one step!" Norm Parent from Indiana
"It's like a spin cycle for the hamsters!!!" -- Deidre in Vancouver
"My rebooting days are over! I used to reboot Windows every half an hour, but because of the 50% slowdown feature, I only have to reboot every hour! That's reliability I can trust!" -- Barbara in Connecticut
"Sixteen times I pressed that damn button! aND nOT once did it do anything! This site is a useless sack of crap! You're an idiot!" -- Actual email from Frank Leslie, Delware
"Love your great service! I checked out your mail-in DVD rewinding service (rewinddvds) and this service is even better! I didn't even have to send in my computer! By the way, when will I be getting my DVDs back?" -- Actual Email from Barbara in Topeka
Computers used to have a turbo button, but manufacturers removed this useful feature just to cut costs!
Little do people know that the internal turbo button is still there! Turbo-turbo-button allows you to press this internal turbo button, online. Try it below and compare!
Your Speed Rating: Acceptable
Why did manufacturers take away the turbo button?
Although they have many excuses, manufacturers removed the turbo button from computers to cut costs by less than a nickel! How can they live with themselves selling machines that are only capable of half speed just so they can save a nickel? It's outrageous!
Can this speed my computer up?
Absolutely! Think of the turbo button exactly the same as your normal turbo button on an old pc or hamsters on a wheel. If your pc is running too slowly, it will speed the hamsters up. If it's running too fast, it will slow it down to a safe speed, resting the hamsters. Whichever it does, it makes things better.
Can it damage my machine?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! THIS IS TOTALLY SAFE! To continue the previous analogy -- forcing the hamster to run beyond his speed can cause him to get winded. The turbo-turbo-button is like attaching the equivalent of a four horsepower motor to your hamster wheel, but with a safety harness! (do not actually do this: beyond 3hp hamsters explode.)
What if I press it more than once?
If you press the button more than once, you MUST power down your computer, remove all cables, place the computer in a well padded box and mail it to: Turbo Button Repair Service, 6200 McKay Avenue, Suite 141-200, Burnaby, BC, V5H4M9.
Wait, how much does this cost, exactly?
It's absolutely free. To offset the cost of this service, we take money through various rackets and small time cons. We do make a paltry six cents a month from the ads on the sides, all of which goes to local orphanages. If you would like to donate to the orphans, mail your small cheque to: Free the Orphans, Dear God Free the Orphans, 6200 McKay Avenue, Suite 141-200, Burnaby, BC, V5H4M9.
The turbo-turbo-button is the product of six years of R&D by Benjamin Bradford, an expert programmer with over 20 years of experience in the technology industry. Turbo-turbo-button was recently voted #1 website, beating out such well knowns as Google, Yahoo and six year-old Suzy Atkin's blog entry "i lik mi cat." Recently Mr. Bradford's other website received a thousand visitors in a single day. If you have technology questions you can email him at bigdavediode at the email service gmail.com.
Other Excellent And Useful Sites:
Turbo charge your slowdowns!