Teens today have it so easy.  Give them any old computer, a DSL line, a dab of Lubriderm, and they can jerk off to their heart’s content. 

This web site is a shining monument to those of us who remember a time before such luxuries.  Those of us who came of age in the pre-Internet world and the struggle we overcame to choke our chicken.  From curious pets to pesky younger siblings, nothing came easy for us.  Well...

 If this sounds like you, we would love to hear your tall tales, so we can tell our children and our children’s children.  Spread the word to your friends and business associates and let them know how they can contribute to this historical record.  We want to hear every detail of how you dedicated your waking hours to this grand pursuit and what obstacles you had to overcome (sorry, there’s that word again).  Short memories or larger recollections on the following themes are most welcome:

Email your stories, fables, and tales to:

1.    Humble Origins

How did you first get wood?  Was it to Velma in Scooby-Doo or to Billy Jean King?
2.    Taking it up a notch

How did you you learn to pleasure yourself?  Did it happen by accident while you were thinking about Gobots?  Was it a wet dream?  Did you hear about it on the school yard and try it?  From whom, what happened?  Did you get taught by another kid in a hands-on tutorial.
3.    Viva La Revolution!

There are few times in your life that you discover you have hidden abilities.  Shooting a load across the room makes you feel like Peter Parker getting used to his Spider powers.  How did your world change immediately in the wake of this discovery of this new hobby/lifestyle.  Did you suddenly start going to bed at five pm in the afternoon?  Did you change your friendships as a result?  Did Connie Chung start to look different on the CBS Evening News?
4.    Becoming A Pro

What was your learning curve.  How did you discover new methods. What early experiments did you undertake?  Who did you think of when you were in the act – friends, Wilma Flintstone, your mother’s best friend?  How did you experiment with distance, speed, and accuracy?  Did you partake in group activies/competition?
5.    The Written Word: The World of Porno Mags

Where did you get your first magazines from?  What did it feel like to see all that flesh – all those limbs and foreign body parts?  What were you surprised by? Were you a pictorial or story person.  What spreads or stories have stayed in your head?
6.    For Your Consideration:  Graduating to Video

Again, where did you encounter the videos, where did you watch them?  What masterful performances or classic lines do you remember?
7.    Technical Issues

Tactically, did you lube, or not?  And if so, what did you find worked best, and worked worst?  What ritual did you undertake in terms of cleaning yourself up?  Did you use your socks?  An old t-shirt?  Toilet roll etc.  We are interested in your method.
8.    Shame on Me
Stories of the ultimate in humiliation – being busted by family, friends, or clergy.
9.    Wherever I Lay my Hat…

Tall tales of unorthodox places you have been overcome by the urge – in the library, in the restroom on a train journey, cinemas, at the Giants game, dentist etc.  We want to hear them all.
10.    Hall of Fame

Everyone knows someone who was the stuff of legend.  A player’s player.  A pioneer, the fastest gun in the west, a master of porn, a technical whiz kid.  Tell us about them and ensure their achievements are rightfully added to the historical record.