I get a fair bit of people replying to this website and have been
flattered by how many trans and family of trans folk I can assist. The
response is overwhelmingly positive.
Because much of it is personal, I
mainly keep it confidential. All personal info is removed (noted with
brackets [ ] ) and names converted to clever pseudonyms for the privacy
of the senders. When the sender leaves a point of contact, I sent them
the response. If for any reason you aren't comfortable with your
anonymous message posted, here, I'll gladly remove it if you Contact Me.
I am so grateful to have found this sight. i am considering establishing a local community outreach for transsexual christians. i pray that we are able to understand ourselves in light of scripture and Gods grace. - Lovely L
I just have questions about being a christan and being transgender. I don't know who to ask. Don't know if it is safe to ask or if I can ask my pastor. - Shaky S
You have his whole timeline completely fucked up..but it doesn't appear that accuracy is one of your main concerns. - Angry A
Was reading your update on Resource Realities, wow. I first became aware of Jerry in the mid-90's when I first considered transition (I'm an M2F). My wife was in contact with RR and talked to the wife on the phone. I ended up following God's conscience for me at the time and did not transition until the last two years, where I finally overcame my immense guilt over the whole mess. My wife did have materials from RR but ignored them, which is good; it's been horrendously difficult for us (and we don't live together), but she calls me Jennifer and we are very close and still fiercely loyal to each other... thank God RR never got her to do something stupid.
I'm writing because I had a friend I met last fall, a number of years transitioned now, who actually went to Jerry for counseling. She finally left after a number of sessions, since she realized she and Jerry had strong differences of opinion of theology on this issue and thus they would not agree. She gave him some credit for the things he did well but described that it was clear he was still struggling himself with being trans and that he was very stuck in his thinking. (She ended losing a lot from her transition, including a marriage and a large ministry position, but is extremely happy and works as a nurse now and feels fulfilled.)
Anyway... just thought it would be interesting to you. I also have a friend who apparently is really good friends with Michael/Michelle in Florida. She asked for my e-mail two weeks ago in regards to having Michael write to me (he asked for my info), since apparently he had decided to transition BACK to female again finally. Not sure what to think about all that, but that church really messed him up but good. I've been in the church all my life, so I'm actually torn on issues like this (I know how hard it is for binary thinkers to deal with us), but the hubris involved in just messing with someone like this, without realizing the impact, just boggles me.
Thanks for your site, I enjoyed what I read tonight. :)
I just wrote you last night, but now -- heh -- I'm going to solve a mystery for you, my friend... (do you love me yet?)
From your ex-trans page:
"Sarah - Attempting to locate."
Um... that's >>me<<... Jen____________
(And now you know the rest of the story... or at least the gist of it.)
I'll tell you whatever else you're interested in knowing.
I no longer have the pwd for my site, but I've been downloading the info recently since GeoCities (I have heard) is closing in October.
Dear Ephilei, I just love you sight. Its great that you are brave enough to take the bull by the horns as it were, and brought this to the public eye. I cem acroos you sight while doing dome research in regard to the Evangelical Alliance ot transgendered people. I thought your criticism was well founded as they fail to take on board many of the contributing factors that make up male and female. I myself am an evangelical Christian who just so happens to be post-op,male to female. I feel totally complete in my gender and for me it really was the right thing to do. I am also a theologian as I qualifed in Leeds [...]. However, I am not open to my fellow Christians due to the prejudices that where out there. I once returned to my old Church after 15 years of my absence as I went off for the op. 15 years later I thught I would pop into see them. They did not know me at first till one lady 'reconginzed me', I was then asked to leave. How terrible. I attended another small Church evangelical independantand I have been there a year. I was planning to move on but keep good friends with everyone. However, a couple from the Church which I was asked me to leave started coming on a sunday. I was afraid that they would out me so to speak. I tried to speak to them but they just ignored me. Last sunday evening Iover heard the lady telling another member of the Church that I was previuosly male and that I had gone to their old church and then preceded to tell her my old name. Why are people so horrible and just let us alone. I now feel that I can't go back there now to visit them. I am very saddened over this. While I have been settling in to a new church I have told people where i was going. It just hangs over you like a dark cloud. I told my house mate today what makes it so hard is that the denomination that I feel theologically aligned with does in actualy fact condemn me. This greatly saddens me and its hurtful.I could leave and go to a more liberal church but there are to many theological tensions there that I could bow to. i wish Christians would not think just in black and white terms as you well know black and white. I was very down today and I thank GOd I came acrross your site as it has cheered me up. As a matter of interest i was in contact with that guy called keith with his supposed helpful website. We emailed each other back and forth a bit but he was unable to answer my arguments and I told him that his answers failed to engaged my argumentts and he was merely restating his position. I preceeded to take his arguments to bits by just sheer logic. I havent heard from him since !
Yours in Christ
It's good to hear from you. I completely sympathize with your frustrations with finding a church as I am in the same place. I attended an Episcopal parish for some time, partly because they accepted my gender, but eventually I just could not stomach that the only authority were individuals, not God, Christ, Scripture, or Tradition. I attend an Orthodox parish now where I have the opposite problem; I adore (95% of) the theology, we're at odds with anything related to gender. For the time being I've presented as my birth gender and while I may or may not pass as such, we have an unspoken agreement not to bring it up. Were I vocal about it, I am sure I would no longer be welcome. For now, I'd rather not find out; having an experience like yours sounds like too much for me to handle, at least at this point in my life. I have a lot of respect for your courage to go back to your congregation.
What denomination are you closest to? Are you considering ordination, teaching, or a place to take advantage of your theology work? The conservative/EV/orthodox church ignores trans issues and we need to give ourselves a voice that's respectable with good theology to them.
I exchanged a few emails with Keith. I don't bother debating anymore unless the person has an open heart and Keith does not. My understanding is that Keith is dealing more with personal guilt; logic and theology won't absolve him.
I'm guessing who referred to the EV Report on Transexuality? What did you think? While I obviously find a lot of problems with it, I encourage it for people to see both sides. It's logic is awful, but at least it doesn't lie.
Hello My name is ___________ and i really need help with this issue of being some who thinks my body is wrong. I am a mtf. My problem i that I am goin to have srs to complete my transition an feel like i am going to go to hell for thiking i am a woman trape din a mans body. Please help me out. I have people who are christians who are either for it or against it. My phone number is ###-###-####. Please call or email. I am in a difficult situation. thanks for listening.
Thanks for writing. Already that shows you're willing to think and look for answers.
As you probably know from my site, I strongly believe that our gender and transition are morally neutral - they aren't necessarily good or bad. God isn't upset whether you transitions and certainly won't condemn you to hell for it.
Even more strongly than that, I also believe that no one goes to hell who truly and earnestly repents of their sin. No one. If you do have SRS or do something that truly is wrong, no matter how terrible, you will receive forgiveness if you seek it. Of course you already know that. Neither does God condemn people for believing the wrong things.When God judges me one day, God will not condemn me for interpreting the Bible wrong, for believing the wrong things, for praying the wrong words. God certainly won't damn you for believing anything about your gender.
There is one thing God truly finds reprehensible. That is to sin, to know you're sinning, to continue sinning, and to never be sorry. That's what I'm afraid of for you. It's pretty simple: Obey your conscience. If your conscience is telling you not to transition, don't do it. For a number of reasons:
Lots of people write to me asking for advice on whether to transition. I never answer because that's something only they can decide. But I will give you an answer because you've already told me what's right for you: Don't do it. Don't transition any more than you have so far. Don't get SRS. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right to you. Sorry to be cliche, but follow your heart.
But! Don't stop there. I think your conscience is wrong. You should still listen to it though. I've never heard anyone, in any situation, regret following their conscience. You should definitely read 1 Cor 8 for Paul's wise words about this very subject and I'm basically repeating him. Your conscience can make mistakes; it's you, not God. Because it is you, your conscience can learn to make better decisions by research and prayer. As for prayer, that's up to you. As for research, I've tried to do a lot of that for you on my website. Hopefully under transchristians.org/christian-objections you'll find why you feel guilty about transitioning and the answer for it. If not, then what is it? I'm more than happy to talk with you about it. Christ is in the business of transforming minds. I hope that will happen for you.
But there's also a good chance that you're guilty conscience isn't logical, in which case I'm less help for you. Do you feel guilty simply because the Church and our culture has heaped it on you? Maybe even some family and friends? We live in a world that's irrationally fearful of transgender issues and people. The world doesn't want to feel guilty itself for being afraid, so it tries to make us feel guilty by blaming us for the problem. That blame has nothing to do with us. It's like blaming a rape victim for their own rape. But because we're a minority, just like women, Jews, gays, and non-whites before us, they take their fear and anger out on us. They try to say it's not natural, even though we both know it's the most natural feeling in the world. They say the Bible is against it, even though they cannot give a single verse of support.
I do hope you'll take your own feelings seriously. And I hope to hear more about your life and thoughts.
Writing Reality Resources Ends involved a lot of investigating and I wanted the article fact checked. I wrote an email to Jerry Leach, Denise Shick, Danny Blackwell, Daniel Burton (Danny's replacement), and a confidential member of Jerry's family.
I'm writing an article for exgaywatch.com and my own site on the recent retirement of Jerry. Because this will get a lot of attention, I want you to be able to check it over for mistakes. I also want to know if you can clear up the confusion I present. Including: when did Jerry stop working? How much does the dementia keep him from functioning?
[Confidential] - I'd like your permission to identify you as "[...]" If not, I'll refer to you as "an immediate family member." May I include the dementia, or is that too personal? I can change it to a vague, "mental illness."
And to Denise,
I'm writing up an article for exgaywatch.com
on Jerry's retirement. I want to give you the opportunity to do some
fact-checking to make sure I'm not coming down to hard on you. I've
attached the rough draft. If I don't hear back from you by at least Wed
like you haven't responded to my last email or call, I'll take that to
mean you have nothing to add.
And similar to others. I also left a voicemail with each (none answered). Only Jerry's family member responded; they were furious that I used their information thinking that corresponding with a website devoted to exposing Jerry would private but did not criticize the accuracy of anything I wrote.
In April/June 2009, Reality Resources officially closed its doors to clients. Unfortunately, all of Jerry's deceptions didn't die off with RR. They were adopted by Help4Families which was born out of Jerry's ideas and (often made-up) experience and now carry on those ideas, including selling his booklets.
June 6, 2009
I have been following Jerry Leach and listening closely to what he has to say. After much work and communicating with others, I found he was spreading a number of important pieces of information that are untrue. The most egregious being
I exposed these things on my website, transchristians.org, fact checked with Jerry himself. He neither confirmed nor denied those deceptions and, when I tried to clarify, he stop responding. It is utterly clear to me he has embellished his personal story to make transgender people appear wretched and rueful, that the trans issue is simply black and white, and that he has more knowledge and experience than he does.Denise has not responded. However, her homepage has stopped displaying "Welcome, Reality Resources visitors" prominently and "Reality Resources" at the bottom of every page. For the false information spread in Jerry's materials, see Jerry's Errors and Lies.
All those lies belong to Jerry. They are his and his alone. But they and more are included in Flight toward Woman which you are now distributing. And now that you have an opportunity to learn the accuracy of it, it becomes your responsibility as well. We are both Christians and siblings of Jesus who called identified as Truth itself. I hope you willy aptly commit to spreading light and truth either by correcting his deceptions or to stop using him as a role model altogether. If you do, I will be glad to point out on my website that you did so.
Also, I have raised a couple objections, not much, to other things you have put on your website. See transchristians.org/organizations/help4families I hope you'll also check them for errors or mis-understandings. If I am mistaken about anything, I am more than happy for the constructive criticism.
God be with you
I bend the limits of copyright on this site - deliberately, legally, and openly. Copyright often interferes with education and my goal is spreading information. None of my own writing is copyrighted because I want to spread it. I link profusely to other websites, including ideas I disagree with. I believe more information can only be good for making decisions and forming opinions. When useful information online expires, I have archived it on this site as I explain on this page:
I eventually caught someone's eye and Jerry's webmaster, Stacy, sent me this message.
I am writing you as the owner of this website. I am the web master of www.realityresources.com,
and I must insist that although your opinions of Jerry Leach may be
kept, ALL materials, pictures, testimonials, and articles and so on,
which appeared and are copyrighted by Reality Resources (including
links) be removed from your website. You have stated that you would do
so on your "Information on Re publish" page.
January 21, 2009
Sandra of gendertree.org wrote to me saying Stacy sent an identical message to her because of her essay, Reparative Therapy, which analyzes Jerry's theories and methods. Unlike me, she did not copy any articles and used quotations sparingly. She even had the good will to write to Jerry before printing her essay. She responded to this on her page, Unreality Resources and has not removed any content nor has Stacy commented.
The same copyright warning was sent to Zagria's biography of Jerry too. Zagria was also not even close to violating any law. She also left the page intact and received no more threats.
January 26, 2009
True to my word, I have finished removing the full text of articles
originally hosted on realityresources.com. The quotations that remain
are covered by Fair Use. I'm happy to dialogue if you have any other
You have not responded to my request to know why you wish to
eliminate Jerry's writings from public view. I also know you eliminated
the copy on the Internet Archive this week. I'm sure you know it is
characteristic of Christian virtue to be open and honest, not
delegating our words to secret places. As Jesus said,
Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. (John 3:20-21)
If Jerry's words truly describe what "has been done through God," surely Jerry will wish for everyone to read them. He did that once and I continue in Jerry's original spirit. In the next several days I will write a post explaining why I removed the articles. I would be happy to post your reasons using your own words if you would send them so that people who want to know about Jerry's counseling can be better informed. If you continue without explanation, I can only conclude that you and Jerry are ashamed of what he wrote but lack the Christian humility to admit he was wrong. But I would rather Jerry give his own explanation so we can all know the truth. It's Jerry's choice. If he needs more than a few days to think it over, just say so.
I hope neither you nor him view me as an enemy. I don't. And I hope I am not too naive to believe we can assist each other. I've already referred someone to Jerry through my site for counseling. ([name with-held) Jerry and I may have different methods, but we share the identical goal: to bring all Christians with transgender feelings into right standing with God and wholeness with their body and gender expression. Indeed, there is a lot of hurt among trans people and the secular trans community cannot bring the health only possible through our Messiah. I truly believe God has worked in Jerry's gender for the better and he does good works for our brothers and sisters. I only hope he allows me the same good works.
What concerns me is why Jerry wanted his articles removed. They are his words, after all, that he published online for years. I hoped this website would expose many of his thoughts as ridiculous and others as plain lies. Apparently he realizes that is true and what to protect his image from further embarrassment. He could have changed his mind on some issues, but if so he should share his new opinions to abolish the falsehoods he spread. Since he has not, I have no choice but to believe he is ashamed of his words. In his own therapy-house, however, he takes advantage of the emotional vulnerability of clients to continue spreading the falsehood of reparative therapy and his own testimony. Christians know the danger of hiding in darkness, but that is exactly what Jerry is doing.
February 21, 2009
I wonder if this site of your's is merely an attempt at having people validate what you don't necessarily feel confident in- a means of getting support that you lack from close relationships rather than beginning a dialogue with people that know that they find this sinful, questionable and self-serving. You don't come across willing to hear from those who don't have "appreciation", "support" or "need help".
Hi Mr Suspicious
I feel extremely confident in being and behaving transgender and I always have. See Ephilei's Story.
I receive a lot of support from my close relationships. However, I am
not content from being accepted by most people; I want to be accepted
by everyone, at least all Christians.
I haven't claimed to be having a dialog, that would require collaborating with someone from "the other side." I have asked Jerry Leach and others to do so, but they have all refused. I do want to be fair and provide access to information. When I tried posting information from gender defenders, I was issued a take down notice. To the extent I do have any dialog is linking to pro-binary sites and books which is above and beyond what any other site does. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have spent the time or money on those books. Whether others believe it or not, I am open to constructive criticism and I would appreciate hearing how I can do better.
May 13, 2009
I answer correspondence for xyxo.org.
I'm a Christian. Don't consider myself TG although I've got the dubious
honor of having been a patient of [...] and [...]. Don't search the
web often... Thx.
Nice to hear from you. Are you XYXO? If so, how do you feel about your gender? The only other person I've met who's XYXO and does consider himself trans. Why do you feel differently?
I'm xy/xo. I fit the profile well in that I was tiny as a child, have heart and kidney malformations, ovatestes, etc. They offered me testosterone and anabolic steroids. But they said it wouldn't fix my spatial coordination issues (another xy/xo trait). I wanted to be either male or female. Strength with agility might have interested me; bulk and hair didn't. I had grown accustomed to a feminine build, voice, etc. Losing my small size (I'm 5'6") was bad enough; I didn't want to lose the rest of me. There were other issues but that's the short answer.
I know quite a few IS folks who have transitioned. I know a few TS folks. The reasons are generally different.
Kind regards... XY/XO/Xtian
I'm familiar with the trans community but most of my knowledge about intersex comes from people who are both IS and TG. What is it you mean by IS folks transitioning? Do you mean they went from living as women to men or vice versa?
The one XY/XO person I know has strong male characteristics. His IS diagnosis didn't come until his 40s and he still lives as a regular man. Well, regular compared to most trans people. He thinks of himself as trans because (in his words) he is both male and female. I know I am biased because I am genderqueer and think of myself as both female and male even with a standard karyotype, but this seems like the most reasonable paradigm from my POV.
So I'm curious to hear from someone with a different opinion. Do you see the "transgender" category as something just for cissexual people? Or do only people who radically change their gender presentation count as transgender to you? How would you define "transgender" from your experience and set of beliefs?
May 20, 2009
Dear Ephilei, I just love you sight. Its
great that you are brave enough to take the bull by the horns as it
were, and brought this to the public eye. I cem acroos you sight while
doing dome research in regard to the Evangelical Alliance ot
transgendered people. I thought your criticism was well founded as they
fail to take on board many of the contributing factors that make up
male and female. I myself am an evangelical Christian who just so
happens to be post-op,male to female. I feel totally complete in my
gender and for me it really was the right thing to do. I am also a
theologian as I [personal info removed]. However, I am not open to my
fellow Christians due to the prejudices that where out there. I once
returned to my old Church after 15 years of my absence as I went off
for the op. 15 years later I thught I would pop into see them. They did
not know me at first till one lady 'reconginzed me', I was then asked
to leave. How terrible. I attended another small Church evangelical
independantand I have been there a year. I was planning to move on but
keep good friends with everyone. However, a couple from the Church
which I was asked me to leave started coming on a sunday. I was afraid
that they would out me so to speak. I tried to speak to them but they
just ignored me. Last sunday evening Iover heard the lady telling
another member of the Church that I was previuosly male and that I had
gone to their old church and then preceded to tell her my old name. Why
are people so horrible and just let us alone. I now feel that I can't
go back there now to visit them. I am very saddened over this. While I
have been settling in to a new church I have told people where i was
going. It just hangs over you like a dark cloud. I told my house mate
today what makes it so hard is that the denomination that I feel
theologically aligned with does in actualy fact condemn me. This
greatly saddens me and its hurtful.I could leave and go to a more
liberal church but there are to many theological tensions there that I
could bow to. i wish Christians would not think just in black and white
terms as you well know black and white. I was very down today and I
thank GOd I came acrross your site as it has cheered me up. As a matter
of interest i was in contact with that guy called keith with his
supposed helpful website. We emailed each other back and forth a bit
but he was unable to answer my arguments and I told him that his
answers failed to engaged my argumentts and he was merely restating his
position. I preceeded to take his arguments to bits by just sheer
logic. I havent heard from him since !
Hi Gender Warrior
May 31, 2009
I have read through some of your website and wanted to leave you some questions to ponder. How can one be a transgender and a Chrisitan at the same time? By changing your gender you are saying that God was wrong by making you your original gender (I didn't know God was ever wrong). I also believe in the Bible that it states that God disapproves of this type of behavior ( like at Soddoham and Gomorrah). I am interested in why you think that God thinks it is okay to be transgender when clearly he speaks against it. The work done by Help4Families, Exodus and Jerry Leech are done in the name of God because they are based upon Biblical principals( but as a Christian I am sure you know this deep down)
Hi Ms Skimmer
I'm sorry you have chosen to be snarky and willfully, woefully ignorant. If you had read through more of my website, you would know many of the answers to your questions. Simply put, there is no reason a person cannot be both transgender and Christian. Here's a quick run down of what you bring up:
You think you can guilt trip me, and presumably every transgender Christian yet you have no idea what we believe or why we believe it. I'm going to estimate that you came from Help4Families and you have a spouse, parent, or child who's trans. (Since Denise is the only topic you sound familiar with.) If so, that's even sadder that you are ignorant of your loved one and deliberately so. Unfortunately, Denise breeds ignorance and deception.Ephilei