As I grow in understanding the facets of Transgender condition not only
from the scholastic perspective but as well as an individual inflicted
with it's reality, clearer yet quite complicated picture emerges of character and fluidity of this life altering reality.
Transsexuality, being the most rigorous and binding within its influence on mind and spirit, requires action on the behalf of an individual to correct certain aspects of their bodies sexual characteristic in conformance with their innate, natal gender core.
However, the extend of modification of bodies character can fluctuate from individual to individual, the tendency to view them selves as a correct gender within their flesh is rather absolutely necessary for achieving wholeness of body and mind.
Transsexuality for most tends to surface in pre-puberty, pre-adolescence with a spectrum of confusing thoughts and feeling of misplacement, elusiveness, reclusive tendencies, loneliness, which then tend to become more focused towards gender expression. Feeling of belonging to the opposite of gender group, despite vivid image of non conforming sexual character body, overwhelms and depresses. Transsexual individuals find them selves gravitating towards opposite of gender in relating to emotional and friendship attributes, but are misunderstood and shunned for their obvious, the "other gender" appearance.
Even though transsexuality tends to surface in the early years of childhood, not all individuals will be aware of severity of this condition. Many, including yours truly, will deviate from embracing such condition due to circumstances beyond their control, be it, societal, family, peer, religious pressures, and will send their gender identity into the deepest crevasse within their subconscious mind. By doing so, they shall appear as though an ordinary child, yet beneath the seemingly normal facade, slew of confusion and turmoil will constantly inflict pressure and resulting pain of inability to live out their life as they truly are, will remind them of their ailment.
Even though unfolding life presents a numbing effect on the recurrence of feelings of confusion and desire to be living the correct gender, the need to release the pressure of bottled emotional turmoil grows so immense that an individual needs to find the outlet to allow expression of femininity within, and often resolves to act of CrossDressing.
Through experience of CrossDressing, one's visual congruence of body image and mind are satisfied, although such satisfaction lasts for a undefined period of time and is never successfully dismissed. Gender expression is reinforced then, at least, in the superficial and limited means, but the need to continue expressing this image grows in intensity with time.
For many this fact of ability to present in appearance as female will be enough to alleviate the symptoms of Gender Dysphoria, a condition of dis-congruency between body and mind, expressed as ones discontentment or worst, absolute repulsion of their bodies sexual organs. Yet for the remaining majority discontentment will grow, as they see Crossdressing only as artificial means and not permanent enough to become truly whole and real. And in such cases, they arrive at the moment of reckoning! A dark and absolute place of decision so grave and grand, that within it self, death presents an optional solution to easing the pain.
The most regretful and sorrowful statistic, is the percentage of suicide attempts by transgender individuals within the community. What is more alarming that such statistic does not include those individuals who decided to take their secret with them.
For survivors though, a road ahead towards wholeness is surrounded by misunderstanding society, friends and family and often church organizations. World is changing and depending where on the globe, understanding and tolerance and even embrace is visible.
It Does Get Better, as one become more at ease with their own self, world around them seems
to take on their new (native by birth but hidden for a lifetime) character of being and presenting. It is hard to define how such experience will shape due to so many factors within individual them self and surrounding environment.
Multitude of surgeries and procedures are available, still though most are not covered by insurance and must be paid by individual. Health industry is caching up fast and hopefully soon enough these services will be available to everyone. In US there are multitude of companies who support transgender cause and within their policies and health plans some procedures are covered.
FFS (face feminization surgery), SRS (sex reassignment surgery), electrolysis and laser hair removal, HRT (hormone replacement therapy) are a sampling of surgical and non surgical interventions to help ease Dysphoria. All very expensive, but slowly becoming more mainstream and with added overseas competition, prices are becoming more affordable.
From there an individual becomes whole and true more and more each day, I tend to refer to this period as Post-Transsexual period, being and living life as natural woman, a survivor of horrendous disease and birth defect, called transsexuality. I often relate to my self as NewWoman, yet Woman nevertheless, emotionally and physically immersed and absorbed in womanhood.
Perhaps some choose to feel more comfortable in remaining within the state of being transsexual, and that should be respected and embraced, yet for me, since the onset of this voyage, I knew of my self as a woman trapped in birth defective body of opposing gender, and couldn't wait until the day I would walk this earth, this feeble place as a WOMAN, natural and true and whole.