These are the truths of dealing with Toxic People. The list is to help you in your dealings with them by giving you some perspective.
- It's not you, it's them. You can tell this because they are saying and doing awful things and you are upset about it but are still trying to understand.
- Lots of people don't comprehend what toxic people do or the impact they have. Don't be swayed by their views. The rules are different when dealing with a toxic person, especially if they are family. You are working on mental, physical and emotional survival.
- Don't bother using logic to create a win-win situation. They aren't logical and they don't care about win-win, only about them winning.
- Toxic people are constantly manipulative. Everything you do or say will be edited, twisted, re-framed or downright lied about, whether that's to themselves or to other people.
Information is their weapon: anything they know about is a future stick to beat you with.
- The only way to win is not to play. Avoid drama by setting boundaries. Don't be defensive, that's just getting sucked in.
- Guilt is a tool of the toxic person. Don't feel guilty; it's all about survival. The rules of Society would be different if everyone had a toxic to deal with.
- If you give, they will take and take and take and take. Stop giving. Save what you have to give for those who understands reciprocity. Toxic people have the ability to barge into the centre of your world. Shift your centre back to yourself and those you love.
- You can't change them. Normal people change and adapt to a mutual relationship over the years. Toxic people are toxic precisely because they can't change. Don't give "one last chance to change" and especially not in a letter. Set boundaries and keep them and train them to change.
- The only form of closure is knowing that you won't ever get closure. If they were able to acknowledge or understand your point of view they wouldn't be toxic. Real closure is finding peace in life.
Remember: Stay polite and stay sane and if you can't manage that, then stay away.