A Teachers' Guide to Staffroom Jargon

New teachers entering the profession from Business are frequently confused by staffroom jargon. This easy to use guide translates common teaching expressions into their business equivalent.



I'll try and find some time to help later

F*ck off and die

More evidence of planning is needed

You're just making this sh*t up, aren't you?

Is this your NQT year?

Are you some kind of f*cking idiot?

She has school leadership aspirations

She's one f*cking power-crazy b*tch

Are you doing Schools Direct?

Are you doing f*cking drugs?

Perhaps more awareness of cultural issues?

Racist tw*t

I don't think this task demands professional expertise

Find another b*tch, a*seh*le

Wow! Really?

Well sh*g me sideways

You could of course talk to the Assistant Head

You might as well talk to your f*cking d*ldo

We need to be aware of Special Needs

Not everyone is as clever as you, d*ck-breath

Have you considered differentiation?

Why is all your cr*p the same?

Perhaps you should ask in the Office

Talk to someone who gives a sh*t

I guess you're a PGCE student?

Get me a f*cking coffee, b*tch

That's not part of a mentor's role

Not my motherf*cking problem, dude

I think we're fully committed this term

No f*cking chance, t*sser

The Head of Deparment is optimistic

He has his head up his *rse

The Head wants you to know that she has every confidence in you

You're f*cked

The deputy head wants to do an Observation

You're fired