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Articles & Essays

Most of these articles aren't about kink, but we've found them useful enough to recommend nonetheless.
  • 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

    We all have down moments, points where we're not feeling all that attractive or that we have that much to offer someone else. However, if you know someone who continually holds that attitude and blames others for their lack of success in finding a long-term playmate, this could prove eye-opening.
  • BDSM is Not Abuse

    Written by New York's Lesbian Sex Mafia, this is a concise guide to help those in or observing a relationship determine for themselves whether it's consensual or falling into the realms of abuse.

For those who are curious about the effects of the "consent culture" movement - and for those who feel that asking for explicit, enthusiastic consent before touching someone will lead to a society where people touch less - TheFerret provides observations from an event that goes by strict "consent culture" rules.

A comic about enthusiastic vs. reluctant consent.  The tagline is "Consent isn't just sexy - it's crucial". 
A follow-up article by TheFerret regarding the challenges of consent for those with social challenges and disabilities.
  • Control Tower

    Mistress Matisse used to write a column for Seattle's alternative weekly newspaper, The Stranger. Her topics included kink and poly, and other sexy stuff. She's whip smart (ouch!) and funny. An index to items Matisse has written for The Stranger remains online.

It's one thing to be asked not to feed the Trolls of an internet discussion.  It is another thing to research the secrets of their ancient art and be able to look objectively at your option when a Troll attacks.  Partake, and gain wisdom.

Sexuality and political author Dan Savage explores how couples can renegotiate the meaning of monogamy and potential deal-breakers like cheating in an otherwise healthy relationship.  Savage has an admitted bias against ending non-abusive marriages, especially when dependent offspring are involved. 

There are many ways to be non-monogamous, and it can be complicated to understand an arrangement or explain it to someone new to the concept.  This info-graphic may help. Plus, it's cute! 

Being attracted to another person, even in a kink context, does not necessarily mean that one is sexually attracted to them. You are free to feel your attraction for someone without trying to label it based on society's messages. How you express it, on the other hand, may at times require the other person's enthusiastic consent.

(Our Grand Poobah told me to recommended that I add the following:  This page was lovingly agonized over by Byrdie.)