The Pitches: What I Try to Get My Resume to Say That It Won't.

posted Sep 14, 2012, 8:42 AM by Terrence Moss   [ updated Sep 25, 2012, 12:16 PM ]

And the job search begins...albeit less half-heartedly than before, but with the same aggravation because I hate applying and I hate interviewing. I'm not a people person. And I don't like to be managed. So just give me a stack of work to do for the week, leave me alone to do it and then pay me when I'm done. #goodluckwiththat

This was my Facebook posting from Monday.

With the Erick Davidson story series concluded (for now) and a newly-published book, I have cleared out some head space with which to actually look for a job – something I have been all but refusing to do in the wake of my July 2011 layoff. 

Since “renewing” my job search, people have been asking me what I want to do. Unfortunately, what I want to do doesn’t really exist in this current job market. This requires me to get creative with the job search or entrepreneurial in my efforts to eke out a workable income. So far I’ve come up with bupkis with either.

But instead of blanketing the world with my resume, I have been more strategic in my job search by applying only for those jobs that won’t make me want to dive face first down the side of Runyon Canyon. The jobs I have been applying for are those that lead to a career and not back on unemployment in eighteen months.

Though I include them in my pitch anyway, I actually hate resumes. I find them to be utterly pointless in the current age of Linked In or portfolio websites like mine. And instead of the traditional cover letter (which I also hate), I send what I call “what I tried to get the resume to tell you but it wouldn’t.”

It’s not too far off from a cover letter but it sounds new and innovative – and isn’t that what these hiring knuckleheads want (or say they want)?

So here is a representative sampling of the inquires (not resumes) I have sent out over the last week to secure work I’m hoping not to hate. I’ll probably never know how they’re received. There may be critical errors in how I present myself. And I may have missed key elements that would have helped me stand out and compel someone to want to pay me to continue spewing forth brilliance into the world.

But does it really matter? As I’ve said before, I’ve actually never found a job by looking for one. Opportunities have just been presented to me by contacts within the industry – when I had them. I’ve been out of one that I’d begrudgingly go back to for almost seven years and am not yet enough of an entity as a writer that my services are being sought out. It’s an interesting holding pattern I find myself in right now.

Still, I can’t imagine anyone could thumb their noses at someone with a blog, a website AND a book.

Then again, some may find that too enterprising and figure that a man who can write a book can also find a job or start his own enterprise (that actually earns him money).

 

September 10, 2012 

Good morning,

My name is Terrence Moss. I am an independent writer based in Los Angeles. For the better part of the last ten years, I was entrenched in the TV advertising industry as a media buyer, station rep and client service Account Executive. 

Of course, while I was great in these respective positions, I wasn't so great FOR them. And there is a difference. 

But since my layoff from my most recent position in July 2011, I finally took advantage of the opportunity to pursue the more creative efforts I had previously been working on during my free time. 

Among those efforts was an ongoing short story series that I recently concluded after 200 "blogisodes". Among those efforts was the creation and launch of my own website -- a showcase for those stories as well as actor/actress profiles, articles, essays, commentaries and reaction pieces. Also among those efforts was also getting involved in three web projects -- one I co-wrote (a comedy called Child of the 70s) and two on which I wrote a features (a soap called The Cavanaughs and the comedy Bitter Bartender). 

I've been looking to join an organization that fosters such creativity on a variety of levels -- from finance to development to marketing and more. In fact, I delineated exactly that in the final "blogisode" of my story series. And then I came across Acme Company A in a search. 

I don't see the web as "the way of the future" or "the place to be". I see it as an opportunity for those with a voice, a gift, a talent or even just a desire to express themselves to find their audience -- whatever its size may or may not be. And we can build a larger market from the core audience. I want to be a part of that. 

I bring just as much to the table as I believe I can take away and would love to discuss career opportunities with you. Attached is my resume. I can be reached at my phone number.

Thank you very much for your consideration. 

Sincerely,

Terrence Moss 


September 12, 2012

Good morning,

My name is Terrence Moss, an online content creator with nearly ten years of TV advertising experience as a buyer, seller and Account Executive. I was laid off in July of 2011. Since then, I am immersed myself in online content as a writer. I created and launched a website in January as an offshoot of my blog, which had been in existence for nearly two-and-a-half years.

The website consists of longform written material ranging from articles, essays and commentaries to short fiction and actor/actress profiles. But the key was content. Online content. And distributed through a variety of channels -- Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus as well as Linked In and Newsvine (powered by MSN). 

Acme Company B would make great use of my advertising background while providing a new experience for me in the world of digital video content. I welcome the excitement that comes with such creative marketing and the challenge of a new learning opportunity.

I look forward to hearing from you to discuss possible career opportunities. Attached is my resume. I can be reached at my phone number.

Sincerely,

Terrence Moss


September 13, 2012 

Person Who Should Pay Me for My Brilliance
5157 6th Street, Suite 1979
Somewhere, CA  12345

Dear Ms. PWSPMFMB,

I hope this letter finds you well.

My name is Terrence Moss. I am an independent writer based in Los Angeles, CA with nearly ten years of diversified TV advertising experience under my belt. That experience is made up of media buying, ad sales and client service. I have worked with branding and retail clients as well as direct-to-consumer clients in both the local market and national cable broadcasting spaces.

I was laid off in July of 2011, which has afforded me the chance to finally write full-time. As an independent writer, I am always looking for new ways to market myself as such and to establish some level of much-needed and sorely-missed career stability.

Now I come to you with what I consider to be a unique marketing opportunity.

I have operated a blog to showcase my work since June of 2009. I feel safe in saying that it has evolved just as beautifully as I’d like to think I have as a writer. However, because my content was lengthy by internet standards, I eventually “outgrew” the blog and created my own separate website in December of 2011. That website – A Terrence Moss Enterprise – consists of media commentaries, reaction pieces, essays, articles, a short story series and actor/actress profiles.

What I would like to propose is a sponsorship where Acme Company C sponsors me as a writer. This sponsorship which would consist of the following:

-          Exclusive ad space on my website. 
-          50 feature pieces.
-          12 actor/actress profiles.
-          A new online short story series.
-          Living expenses.
-          My own marketing efforts (facebook, twitter, google-plus).
-          Relevant travel.
-          Support of book tours for my current and future literary efforts during the length of this agreement.

How does this benefit Acme Company C? First off, the press for something this unique could be priceless for all involved. Secondly, you are creating an association with an up-and-coming writer generating wonderful content who has a relatively small but growing readership.

Why Acme Company C and Terrence Moss? When it comes to consumer satisfaction, Acme Company C is generally spoken of very positively – and that is rare today. I consider myself similarly rare – an online writer less concerned with politics, pop culture or celebrity gossip and more concerned with artistry.

Why wouldn’t two like-minded entities come together in such a way? Let’s both be on the forefront of something new and innovative.

Total package cost: [undisclosed here]

I would love to discuss this and any other opportunities with you at your earliest convenience. I can be reached at my phone number.

My website can be accessed at www.terrencemoss.com for my portfolio of capabilities.

Thank you very much for your consideration. 

Sincerely,

Terrence Moss


Right or wrong, I am of the opinion that all of this is a crapshoot anyway – like dating and auditioning. The people who receive these will either love it or not. Simple as that. I could end these notes with “kiss my ass” and someone might like my moxie. Or maybe frustration reads through and turns people off. I don’t know. But perhaps they should sense frustration so as to add a sense of urgency to their response.

Or maybe I just throw in the towel, take some shit job, live in misery and keep my brilliance to myself. It sounds dire (and people prefer sunshine and daisies to dire) but this is realness.

As of press time, I have not heard back from the first two email inquiries. Yay or nay, it would be nice to know why they may or may not be interested without the spin of blah blah and blah. But you don’t get that anymore. You get to guess and wonder and ponder and listen to people with the greatest of intentions offer up advice and suggestions – but no job.

Such is life these days. As tempting it is to just stay in bed all day long with the covers pulled over my head and as enticing it is to just sprawl out on my couch watching The Cosby Show, I have to remain productive. So every day I get up, gather some motivation to try again and do just that.

Still, what are the chances I could actually get paid to watch and review The Cosby Show for a new fan site? Now that would be the type of “amazeballs” job I keep hearing some people have.