Part 12

posted Dec 21, 2011, 9:56 AM by Terrence Moss   [ updated Dec 21, 2011, 10:02 AM ]

It sickens me that Perez Hilton got as far as he has with what he claimed on Ellen he was going to stop doing. At the same time, kudos to him for being able to make a living doing it.

I take my blog very seriously and ever more so now. Still, I have my moments of self-consciousness where I question if other people are. People ask me what I’m doing for work. I tell them I’m writing. Then the follow-up question is, “right, but what are you doing for a job.”

Maintaining my blog is work. I may not post everyday, but I work on it everyday. I don’t just shit out stuff and throw it up there like linguine. I think on it. I toil over it. Sometimes I’m completely satisfied with what goes up. Sometimes I’m nervous about it because I feel as if I should have spent a little more time on it but it was what it was and I needed to get it done to work on the next thing.

I’ve been posting actor and actress profile. I was nervous about it at first. After all, who am I? I’m this largely unknown writer who does this blog. It’s a great blog. It’s a blog I’m very proud of. I am very pleased with my output. I’m very pleased with its evolution. I am very impressed with the ideas I come up with for the blog.

People ask me how many readers I have. I don’t know. I don’t want to worry about the numbers. I am not going to change shit to boost readership. I’m not going to turn it into a pop culture-oriented, celebrity gossip site. There are plenty of sites for that. It won’t be mine. I have something interesting and unique that has something for a lot of people – fiction, TV, commentary, op-ed, love stories, etc.

A lot of blogs are focused on one topic. I can’t do that. I write about a lot of different things. I’d have to maintain about twelve different blogs. What started off as a bit of a catch-all variety blog with no clear focus has re-evolved into that but far more anthological with several different foci.

As proud as I am of my blog, I sometimes wonder at times if people are secretly mocking my efforts behind my back. Maybe they are. Maybe they’re not. Maybe they’re truly impressed. Maybe they’re jealous. Maybe they just don't give a shit.

So what do I do for work? I’m a writer. What will I do for work? I’m going to write. How will I make money? Writing. How? Not sure. When? Not sure.

I may wind up needing supplemental work but the writing comes first. That’s the way it’s going to have to be. Call me silly. Call me unrealistic. Call me delusional. Call me what you will. I need to do this. This is my time. This is my opportunity. This is what I wanted.

This is why this latest bout with unemployment (my third) has been far more fruitful than the previous two.

I know this much -- that I have never found work by actually looking for it. I've just taken advantage of opportunities that somehow came my way. 

I also know this much -- that my previous two bouts with unemployment ended just in the nick of time. Though the stakes seem higher this time, there's no reason for me to believe that it too won't end just in the nick of time.