The character of Elyke from my first online story series
(then titled “My Name is Erick Davidson”) was based on a neighbor friend of
mine at the time. Since then, said neighbor friend moved up to Berkeley to finish up his
I found myself up there earlier this year crashing on his couch
for a bit longer than originally anticipated before I wound up back in New Jersey for a long-term
temp job that is still terming. While I was there, said neighbor friend returned
to LA for his Master’s degree.
Now we’re both back in LA. To commemorate the fact that we’re
inevitably bound to each other for life, I’ve been revisiting my favorite
Erick/Elyke stories from 2010 on the blog. Here are three of them –
“The Dinner” – 8/19/10
My birthday weekend pre-kickoff began last night at the Essex House in Hollywood with Elyke. I
don't know why I continue to do this to myself but I wanted some
"us" time with during the weekend. However, I sent my six-day
birthday itinerary to about twenty people and therefore had no idea who may or
may not show up for what.
"I'm so excited about our date," I said as we walked in.
"This isn't a date," he made sure to clarify.
"Well, it's datey." I confirmed as I noticed an empty booth.
"That's not a word," Elyke said.
"I just made it one," I retorted.
"Whatever," he said with an eye roll as he followed me to
Our server Jennifer came to the table as soon as she saw us. "Hey
guys!" she exclaimed as she gave me a hug and shook Elyke's hand (as you
may remember, one has to pre-negotiate
hugs from him).
"How's it going?" I asked her.
"Really well, busy tonight but not hectic. Do you guys know what you are
going to drink?" she asked.
"He'll have the Fruity Erick," Elyke chimed in.
I glared at him for a second before turning back to Jennifer and nodding in
agreement. "And he'll have a Corona,"
I told her.
"I'll be right back with those," Jennifer said with a smile as she
"Just so you know," Elyke began. "I only have sixty bucks for
tonight so don't go crazy."
"Now why would you say that? Have you ever known me to go crazy on someone
"Why not? I would. I once charged seventy-five dollars on a
friend's open tab after he left and his part was only ten bucks."
"I would have shot you in the face with a bazooka."
"Fifteen of that was tip."
"I would have grown out my fingernails, sharpened them to a sharp point
and scratched your face off," I said while demonstrating in pantomime.
"Another seven dollars was tax."
"And that's why I pre-negotiate drinkage with you BEFORE we go out if I am
the one paying."
Jennifer came back with our drinks. "Are you guys ready to order?"
"I'm thinking of something light," Elyke said.
"How about a salad," Jennifer offered.
"Salads are gay," he replied.
"Only if the guy eating them is gay," I countered.
"What straight man eats a salad for dinner unless he's trying impress a
girl?" Elyke asked.
"Be the first," I charged.
"Be a girl," he charged back.
"I'll have a turkey burger with lettuce and tomato only," I said to
Jennifer. "He can just starve."
"This is why I am only paying because I owe him and not because his
birthday is coming up," he said to Jennifer.
"This is why I am only here for the free meal and not for the
“The Parade” – 11/2/10
I hadn't had a lot of down time since coming back from
vacation, but I couldn’t bring myself to skipping the annual West Hollywood
Halloween parade. My plan was to get in early and get out early before
the event became too much for my new crowd-averse sensibilities.
Elyke had come by my apartment looking to kill some time before
meeting up with some young ladies at Piano Bar so I suggested he come with me
to the West Hollywood Halloween Parade since he'd never been there before.
It was probably not one of my best decisions.
He complained about taking the bus.
He complained about waiting for the bus.
He complained about the bus ride down Sunset Boulevard.
He complained about how steep the walk was going from La Cienaga Boulevard toward Santa Monica Boulevard
where the parade unofficially started.
He complained about the length of the crosswalk.
"Ok. I have to go to the bathroom and you need to get
me another beer," Elyke demanded after we finally made our way to the opposite
corner of Santa Monica
and La Cienaga Boulevards. He'd been watching football for much of the
afternoon and therefore had probably been drinking for much of the
"Did you see Pee Wee Herman ride by?" I said as I
pointed out a reveler dressed as the resurgent performer.
"Where? Is he headed toward a bathroom and or a
"You missed him. Either that or you scared him away
with your complaining."
"I don't care about Pee Wee Herman. I care about a bar
with a bathroom."
"We're standing right next to one," I said as I
pointed in the direction of Mexico,
a relatively new bar and restaurant.
Elyke darted into the establishment. "Can you have a Corona ready for me by
the time I come back?"
"Haven't you had enough for today?"
"Yes, but that is why I am making room for more."
A few moments later, I met Elyke outside the bathroom.
"Where's my beer?" he asked when he came out.
"You didn't give me a chance to respond. My answer was 'no'." I
"Whatever. Can you buy me a beer now?"
"Fine. But I am not missing the parade to watch you drink all
"Whatever. I'm going to talk to those girls over there."
"That's your funeral. I'm going to go stroll the Boulevard."
I was tempted to stay because it's generally so entertaining to watch
Elyke make a fool of himself around women. He's not shy about starting a
conversation but at some point he gets lost in it and begins to fumble over his
words. Instead, I decided to be a good friend and not stand in the way of
He called me a short time later as I was grabbing some frozen yogurt with fruit
at the Yogurt Stop down the street.
"Where are you?" he asked.
"I am just east of San Vicente."
"I have to go home."
"It's only 6:45. What happened?"
"I want to go home."
"Nothing. I'm tired and just need to go home. These girls are
"You were talking to them for ten minutes. How did things go
south that quickly?"
"I don't want to talk about it. Just come get me and let's go home or just
tell me how to get there from here."
"I'm headed back over to you, but this is what you get for squandering
such a great opportunity."
"With the girls?"
"No. I knew that wasn't happening. I'm talking about for me.
There are 15,000 guys out here you could have helped me talk to but
you opted instead to flirt with a trio of lesbians."
“The Offender” – December 4, 2010
Bobby Wayne, Hunter, Elyke and I got together last night for a "neighbors
dinner" at the English-themed Cat 'n' the Fiddle on Sunset near our
apartment building. On the way, Elyke picked up a pack of cigarettes from a
nearby 7-11. As we sat down, Bobby Wayne realized he had run out.
"Can I borrow a fag?" Bobby Wayne asked Elyke.
"Yeah, and there's one right there." Elyke replied pointing to
Bobby Wayne laughed as I stared at Elyke for a moment. "What's
wrong?" he asked.
"That's not funny," I informed him.
"Bobby thought it was," Elyke replied in defense.
"I'm not Bobby. I want an apology," I said.
"What?" Bobby Wayne said.
"Are you serious?" Elyke asked.
"Yes. I'm serious. I want an apology. That was not funny," I
"I'm not apologizing," Elyke said.
"In case you don't know this, it is customary for people to apologize to
those whom they have offended."
"Maybe so, but I didn't intend to cause offense and therefore an apology
is not necessary."
"That's ridiculous. Whether you offended me or not, I am offended and I
want an apology."
"Well, I am sorry....that you will not be getting an apology," Elyke
"Then you and I are no longer on speaking terms," I announced.
"Is that all it took?" Elyke asked as he got up from the table and
went to the bathroom.
"Are you really mad?" Bobby Wayne asked me.
"Nope," I answered. "I just couldn't resist messing with
"I think he feels really bad," Hunter suggested.
"Doubtful," I replied.
"I'm not so sure," Hunter added. "He can be pretty sensitive
"Maybe so," I said. "But I am not one of those things."
As I said that, a text message came in on my phone. It was from Elyke
saying Erick, I'm really sorry if you were offended by what I said. I was
just making a joke, not trying to upset you.
I giggled to myself and showed the text to Hunter and Bobby Wayne. "I
guess he did feel bad."
"Then you really should tell him you were joking," Hunter
"What's the fun in that? Do you know how long I could milk this?" I
replied with a smile.
Elyke returned to the table as Bobby Wayne handed my phone back to me. "Do
you want to go to Piano Bar with me after this?" he asked.
"If that's your way of apologizing, then yes."
"If that's your way of receiving an apology that I am not officially
granting, then fine."
"Why don't you two just fuck and get it over with?" Bobby
"Because he's afraid of catching The Gay and I am afraid of catching The
“The Holiday” – December 27, 2010
Elyke called me Saturday afternoon while I was on a
Christmas call with Chris, who had gone back home to Indiana for the week. Hunter, KP, Bobby
Wayne and Mike were also out of town with their respective families. My
mother and I were participating in our Fifth Annual December 25th Opt Out -- a
tradition for us since The Divorce. She and a friend were
going on a road trip up the California coast while I stayed at
home taking naps between DVD showings of The
Birdcage, The Trip, Soapdish and former Davidson
family favorite Sister Act.
Since Elyke and I were both at home and would at some point
be hungry, I had sent him a text earlier in the day suggesting
that we either go out for a bite to eat or I could buy a few things with which
to make dinner for us. After I hung up the phone with Chris, I walked over
to Elyke's apartment down the hall and knocked on the door.
"Yeah!" Elyke shouted as this was his way of letting a visitor
know that the door is open and to come on in.
I turned the knob and pushed. "The door's locked," I informed him.
Elyke opened the door to let me in. He acknowledged my presence
with a combination head nod and eye roll before walking
back to his desk. I followed and saw that he was on nfl.com keeping
up with football games that weren't being televised in Los Angeles.
"You called me a few minutes ago but I was on the phone with Chris."
"Is that so? How's all that going?"
"You guys married yet?"
"Not yet, but we'll let you know. Do you plan on coming to the
"Then you aren't invited anyway."
"Don't be so gay."
"Don't be so stupid."
"Anyway, the reason I called you is to find out if you were still taking
me out to dinner."
"What do you mean by 'taking'"?
"We eat, you pay."
"Is this something I agreed to?" I asked as I sat down on the edge of
"It's something you offered when you invited me to dinner."
"Technically, that wasn't an invite. I was hungry and thought you might be
as well so I thought you might want to go with me to get something to eat. What
I did offer was to buy a few things and come back here to make dinner for
both of us."
"Right, but when I told you I couldn't afford to go out you told me not to
worry about it."
"That didn't mean I was going to pay for it. It just meant 'don't worry
"Then who was going to pay for my dinner?"
"Why does that matter to someone who always tells ME to live in the
"Fine, whatever. Go ahead and eat."
"Okay, are you coming?"
"I told you I can't afford it."
"And I told you not to worry about it."
"Are you going to pay?"
"Are you hungry?"
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"Because I'm pretty sure you'll eat regardless as to whether or not I
am paying for you to do so."
"Yes, but at least I get a free meal by eating with you."
"And what do I get?"
"The pleasure of my company," Elyke declared.
"I have Chris for that now," I retorted as I stood up to leave.
"Now can we going to eat?"
"Fine, but I am taking this as an invite."
"Okay, then I'll take this as a date."
"Forget it, I'll pay."
"No, I want to pay. This way you can owe it back to me in roses and
champagne on Valentine's Day."
"You are so gay," he said to me with an extended Merry Christmas
"And you are such a dipshit," I replied with a smile as my Merry
Christmas hand met his.
"Why can't we ever have a normal conversation?" Elyke asked me at dinner.
"Because we don't have a normal relationship," I replied.
"No we can't because neither one of us is particularly normal."
"Mike and I can sit for hours and not say a word to each other."
"That's not normal. Besides, have you noticed how you and Mike pretty much
have the same personality?"
"What does that mean?"
"It means neither of you like to talk. I do. Silence to me is akin
to dead air on a live TV show. It's uncomfortable. The viewer is
left wondering what's going on, while the actors have to figure out
who forgot a line and what needs to happen to get to the
"This isn't a TV show."
"I understand that. I was drawing a comparison."
"We should be able to have normal conversations."
"Well, yes and no."
"Yes, we should but we can't always."
I took a breath. "There are times when my feelings for you are stronger
than at other times and I tend to pick fights with you during times when
those feelings are strongest. It's like when little boys pick on little girls'
pigtails in elementary school parking lots."
"So it's a maturity thing?"
"Nope. It's a frustration thing. It's lashing out at Cupid for
misdirecting its arrows."
"I can see that."
"And sometimes it's just entertaining."
"I can see that, too."
"I sometimes think it's a shame God made you a straight. Then there are
other times when I realize you'd make a horrible homosexual."
Elyke laughed. "It's a bigger shame that the Universe didn't make you a
I smiled. "That's very sweet of you to say."
"Great. Since you are paying for dinner, I'm going to order a few extra
enchiladas for tomorrow."