Peter Griffin and his friends Glenn Quagmire, Joe Swanson and Cleveland Brown are at The Drunken Clam talking over some beer when on the news, Joyce Kinney reports that Ridley Scott will be working on a Blade Runner sequel. After Tom Tucker pipes in with his commentary on the subject, it prompts Peter to voice his opinion about Blade Runner.

Peter believes they, (Ridley Scott and Co.), got it all wrong from the git-go; which was why the movie was a failure at the box office. Even with all the different versions of the film out there, from the U.S. theatrical release, International Cut, Director’s Cut, and the Final Cut, he felt that they still didn't get it right. Here’s what Peter would have done if he could put together his own cut of the film -- Blade Runner: The Peter Griffin Cut.

Below are two short skits inspired by the movie Blade Runner, followed by a full version -- as told by Peter Griffin.

This screenplay is also available to download. Click HERE for the .pdf file.



This is fanfiction. No copyright infringement intended.
This fanfiction was written by C.A. Chicoine. Some of the screenplay direction and voice-over narrative is taken from the Blade Runner screenplay dated July 24, 1980 by Hampton Fancher. The roles are performed by various characters from the TV series, Family Guy.


Short Skits 




Cast:
Captain Harry Bryant - Peter Griffin
Rick Deckard - Brian Griffin


INT. BRYANT'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Bryant is sitting behind his big desk.

BRYANT
Hiya, Deck!

DECKARD
Bryant.
 
BRYANT
You wouldn't have come if I just asked you to. Sit down pal.


Deckard remains standing. He didn't appreciate being hustled back into active duty. He'd had enough of the the killing. And he wants no part of what ever Bryant has to offer. 


BRYANT
C'mon, don't be an asshole, Deckard. I've got six skin-jobs –- no wait. Five, there are five skin-jobs, or is it? Oh, wait just a second here. I know I've got it written down here somewhere. 






Cast:
Captain Harry Bryant - Peter Griffin
Rick Deckard - Brian Griffin
Ridley Scott - as himself.


Bryant: You know you’re human.
Deckard: I know that.
Bryant: Just in case you had any doubts what-so-ever. You are human, and not a replicant.     
(Ridley Scott sticks his head into Bryant’s office)
Ridley: Now, hold on just a moment …












EXT. THE DRUNKIN CLAM - LATE AFTERNOON


Illustration by ~vikung-fu


INT. THE DRUNKIN CLAM - LATE AFTERNOON



Sitting at a table are Cleveland Brown, Peter Griffin, Joe Swanson and Glenn Quagmire. Horace, owner of The Drunkin Clam, delivers the group their beer.


HORACE

Here you go, boys.


Horace switches on the television for the Quahog 5 News.


TOM TUCKER

Good evening, I’m Tom Tucker. The city of Quahog is gearing up for its first ever sci-fi convention. In order to appease the growing population of geeks in the city, the city has agreed to allow the event.  


JOYCE KINNEY

Science fiction fanatics–and the merely curious–are expected this Saturday at the Quahog Civic Center for the first annual Quahog-Con. It was spearheaded by Joanna, head librarian at the Quahog Public Library. Setting up at the Quahog Civic Center, we now go live to our Asian correspondent, Tricia Takanawa.


TRICIA TAKANAWA

Thank you, Joyce. I’m here with Joanna and her staff of volunteers as they are transforming the Quahog Civic Center into a Sci-Fi haven for fans. How did it all get started?


JOANNA

Quahog-Con spawned from the success of our monthly sci-fi reading group. {giggles} Each month we would read a classic sci-fi novel, and then–the last Saturday of the month–we all get together to watch the movie based on the book. The number grew more and more each month until we simply couldn’t fit any more people in the library’s community conference room. It had turned out to be quite the event! So, organizing this convention was naturally the next step. 


TRICIA TAKANAWA

Thank you, Joanna. Back to you, Joyce.


JOYCE KINNEY

Thank you, Tricia. The daylong event will include host authors, artists, and costume groups. To begin this year’s Quahog-Con, it’ll feature a discussion panel celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of the release of the sci-fi movie Blade Runner. Blade Runner expert, and acclaimed author, Paul M. Sammon–author of Future Noir: The Making of Blade Runner–will host the panel and interview numerous cast and crewmembers from the movie; including visual futurist Syd Mead, special effects supervisor Douglas Trumbull, and actors Sean Young and James Hong. {Turning to Tom Tucker} By the way, Ridley Scott has been hired to direct a Blade Runner sequel. 


TOM TUCKER

Is nothing sacred?


JOYCE KINNEY

If anyone is going to do it, it might as well be him.

 

TOM TUCKER

Get your geek on, Joyce.


PETER

About freakin’ time! I’m tired of getting tricked into buying the same movie over and over again. What, with the Domestic Cut and the International Cut, in 1983; then the 10th Anniversary Edition, in 1992; the Director’s Cut, in 1993; the Limited Edition Collector’s Set, in 2000; the Director’s Cut Remastered Limited Edition, on DVD in 2006; The Final Cut, in 2007; and now the 30th Anniversary Collector’s Edition, this year, I’m starting to feel like I’m being taken advantage of.     


JOE

I know what you mean, Peter. I must have over a dozen PKD Blaster kits in my gun collection.


QUAGMIRE

What I don’t understand is why they had all those different versions in the first place. It’s like they kept trying to make it right or something.


JOE

Well, you see, Quagmire, the film flopped at the box office. But when a different version, referred to as the Workprint, was found and shown at a film festival back in 1990 that created a renewed interest in the film. Between the studios’ push to release the alternate version, and later finding more unused footage in their vaults, you have all these different versions.


CLEVELAND

That and, because they weren’t able to film all the scenes they had hoped for–because of the film’s rising budget–Blade Runner lacked a cohesive narrative vision. So they’ve been trying to give it that vision ever since trying to get around the narrative flaws.


PETER

You’ve got a point there, Cleveland. With the theatrical release, they had that god-awful narration by Harrison Ford. Even he didn’t like it! So, what do they do? They take out the narration in the Director's Cut. And they don't even work with it in the Final Cut! That was their first mistake. I’d replace that crappy narration with some of the narration written by  Hampton Fancher in an earlier draft of the screenplay.    


JOE

So, are you saying that you really don’t like the movie?


PETER

It was an awesome movie!–but only the beginning. What I saw was its potential. And that, my friend, is what matters the most. With just a few alterations, it could be freakin’ awesome! And believe you, me, it’d be a smash at the box office.

 

JOE

What else would you do differently, Peter?


PETER

I’d have some modern technologies in it; like the cell phone and Google. And I’d replace the ending with the way the screenwriter originally wrote it. It was a missed opportunity for a great film noir ending. And I’d also make the film a little more pertinent to todays issues–like with the handicapped, for instance.


JOE

That’s mighty thoughtful of you, Peter.


PETER

Yeah, well, with the rise of technology, it’s only a matter of time before you handicapped get the upper hand and build yourselves bigger and better bodies. Then where would that put the rest of us?


JOE

You know, one of Harrison Ford’s gripes he had with the film–who played the role of Deckard–was that he played a detective that did no detecting. What are your thoughts on that, Peter?


PETER

True, true. I’d definitely have him do some detecting.


CLEVELAND

And, more importantly, whether Deckard was a replicant or not. Ford considered Deckard a human.


JOE

Well, we all know now that he was a replicant. Ridley Scott, the director, said so in a number of interviews.


PETER

Was he the writer, Joe?


JOE

Well, not exactly. But–


PETER

Was Deckard an android in the source book, “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” by Philip K.Dick?


JOE

I haven’t read the book.


PETER

Well I have–at least I listened to the abridged audio book in the car on the way to work. And he most definitely was not an android.


JOE

It’s not the same, Peter. The movie was an adaptation of the book, not a literal translation.     


 PETER

That was their second mistake.


QUAGMIRE

So let me get this straight. In your version of Blade Runner, Deckard would be a hard-boiled detective, doing some actual detecting, and he’d be human.


PETER

That’s right.


JOE

Indulge us.

















KippleZone Presents


PETER GRIFFIN

BLADE RUNNER

 

JOE SWANSON

LOIS GRIFFIN

BRAIN GRIFFIN

STEWIE GRIFFIN

BONNIE SWANSON

CHRIS GRIFFIN

MAYOR ADAM WEST

CARTER PEWTERSCHMIDT

AND

CAROL (PEWTERSCHMIDT) WEST

 

  

 

SUPERVISING EDITOR

LES KUTUM

 

MUSIC BY

VANGELIS

PERFORMED BY

FRANK KLEPACKI


 ASSOCIATE PRODUCER

HUGH DEBACH

 

PRODUCTION DESIGNED BY

ART PICKETT 

 

DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY

F. STOP PIXELTON

 

SCREENPLAY BY

C.A. CHICOINE

BASED OFF OF THE SCREENPLAY BY

HAMPTON FANCHER AND DAVID PEOPLES

 

PRODUCED BY

P. K. Kipple

 

DIRECTED BY

YOUR MIND'S EYE





 

Early in the 21st Century, THE TYRELL

CORPORATION advanced Robot evolution

into the NEXUS phase - a being virtually

identical to a human - known as a Replicant.

 

The NEXUS 6 Replicants were superior

in strength and agility, and at least equal

in intelligence, to the genetic engineers

who created them.

 

Replicants were used Off-world as

slave labor, in the hazardous exploration and

colonization of other planets.

 

After a bloody mutiny by a NEXUS 6

combat team in an Off-world colony,

Replicants were declared illegal

on earth - under penalty of death.

 

Special police squads - BLADE RUNNER

UNITS - had orders to shoot to kill, upon

detection, any trespassing Replicant.

 

This was not called execution.

It was called retirement.






FADE IN:


EXT. HADES - DUSK


We are MOVING TOWARD the Tyrell Corporation across a vast plain of industrialization, menacing shapes on the horizon, stacks belching flames five hundred feet into the sky the color of cigar ash. The CAMERA MOVES INTO a window in the large Mayan pyramid-shaped building. A man is standing at the window, Dave Holden (Tom Tucker). Another man, Leon (Mayor Adam West), enters the room and sits down.

CUT TO:

INT. TYRELL CORPORATION INTERROGATION ROOM - DUSK


INTERCOM

Next subject, Kowalski, Leon, engineer, waste disposal, file section, new employees, six days. Likes board games, photography, and guns.


Leon knocks on the door.

HOLDEN

Come in. Sit down.


LEON

Okay if I talk?


        Holden doesn't answer. He's centering Leon's eye on the on V.K. machine.


LEON

I’m kinda get nervous when I take tests.


HOLDEN

Don't move.


LEON

Sorry.


He tries not to move, but finally his lips can't help a sheepish smile.


LEON

I already had an IQ test this year. I don't think I've ever had one of these-


HOLDEN

Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.


LEON

Sure.


HOLDEN

One-one-eight-seven at Unterwasser.


LEON

That's the hotel.


HOLDEN

What?


LEON

Where I live.


HOLDEN

Nice place?


LEON

Yeah, sure–I guess. That part of the test?


HOLDEN

No, just warming you up, that's all.


LEON

There is a slight chill in the air.


HOLDEN

You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of the sudden-


LEON

Is this the test now?


HOLDEN

Yes. You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of the sudden you look down-


LEON

What one?


HOLDEN

What?


LEON

What kind of dessert? Strawberry short cake? A banana cream pie? Or maybe one of them funny face desserts made with mini-marshmallows, chocolate chips, shoestring licorice, and worm-shaped chewy fruit thingies?


HOLDEN

No, a desert, Moron.


LEON

It’s Leon.


HOLDEN

A barren wasteland devoid of life where all you see is the sand at your feet and the hot sun above your head.


LEON

Oh, what desert?


HOLDEN

It doesn't make any difference what desert, it's completely hypothetical.


LEON

But how come I'd be there?


HOLDEN

Maybe you're fed-up, maybe you want to be by yourself, who knows? You look down and you see a tortoise, Leon. It’s crawling towards you-


LEON

A tortoise? What's that?


HOLDEN

Know what a turtle is?


LEON

Of course.


HOLDEN

Same thing.


LEON

I've never seen a turtle. But I understand what you mean.


HOLDEN

You reach down. You flip the tortoise over on its back, Leon.


LEON

Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden, or do they write them down for you?


HOLDEN

The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't; not without your help. But you're not helping.


Leon is getting very angry.


LEON

What do you mean I'm not helping?


Underneath the table, Leon withdraws his gun and aims it at Holden.


HOLDEN

I mean, you're not helping. Why is that Leon? -- They're just questions, Leon. In answer to your query, they're written down for me. It's a test designed to provoke an emotional response. -- Shall we continue? Describe, in single words, only the good things that come in to your mind about... your mother.


LEON

My mother?


Much more relaxed now, Leon actually cracks a smile and is very enthusiastic to share his feelings about his mother.


HOLDEN

Yeah.


LEON

Let me tell you about my mother...


As he begins to tell him all about his mother, the gun accidently goes off, shooting Holden. Leon quietly sneaks off.


                                                   CUT TO:


EXT. OVERHEAD VIEW CITY - NIGHT

We are looking down on a LA of the future where gigantic buildings dwarf the ancient skyscrapers. There is an advertising blimp, flashing lights and blaring sound, drifting slowly over the tall buildings.



CUT TO:

EXT. THE BLIMP - FROM BELOW - NIGHT

As the blimp drifts through the tall buildings advertisements appear on the curved sides of dirigible and an accompanying SOUNDTRACK proclaims, with morning DJ enthusiasm, the virtues of Off-world emigration.



BLIMP TRACK                  

A new life awaits you in the Off-world colonies…


EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT


Lights from the blimp flash along the street and wipe across the crowds of pedestrians as the VOICE TRACK CONTINUES TO BLARE from above.

A portable noodle bar is crowded with customers, sitting on stools slurping their food out of bowls.

DECKARD (Peter Griffin) is standing near the noodle bar waiting for a seat. He's holding a newspaper open while he glances at the blimp passing NOISILY overhead.


DECKARD (V.O.)

Come what may–life in the big city–just another day.


Deckard stares up at the blimp.

                                                   CUT TO:


EXT. THE BLIMP - FROM BELOW - NIGHT


BLIMP TRACK

 The chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure. New climate, recreational facilities.....absolutely free. 


                              CUT TO:

EXT. DECKARD - CITY STREET


DECKARD (V.O.)

All they say–selling us freedom–night and day. Propaganda. Nothing changes, it's all the same here. 


Deckard leafs through the newspaper.

DECKARD (V.O.)

 You turn another page–it's the same old drear. This world lay in ruins. No one gives a damn. Is this what they call living? This is insane. There must be more to life than what I’ve been given. The promise of a new life; to begin again. Could there be such a paradise?


CUT TO:

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

Lights from the blimp flash along the street and wipe across the crowds of pedestrians as the VOICE TRACK CONTINUES TO BLARE from above.

Deckard notices the COUNTERMAN, Howie Lee (Genghis Khan). Howie beckons Deckard over to a newly vacated seat.


HOWIE LEE

Welcome, welcome! What’ll it be? 


Deckard looks at the counter window at the variety of food. He points at the cheeseburgers.  


DECKARD

Give me a bacon double cheeseburger.


HOWIE LEE

A single’s enough for you.


DECKARD

No–double. Two, two; double.


HOWIE LEE

Single’s enough for you!


Two Mongol soldiers come to Howie Lee’s side with their weapons drawn. 

  

DECKARD

Fine, fine, I’ll have the chicken fingers instead.


Howie starts to walk to the other end of the counter to get him a plate.  


HOWIE LEE

That’s better, fat ass.


DECKARD

And noodles!


Deckard is approached by two policemen from behind. One is in uniform, the other, Gaff (Brian Griffin), is dressed in civilian clothes. They speak in cityspeak. 


POLICEMAN

Hey, idi-wa.


GAFF

Monsier, ada-na kobishin angum bi-te.


DECKARD

We’re in America. Speak American.


GAFF

Captain Bryant ordered me to bring you in, horse-dick.


DECKARD

Now that’s better.


                                                   CUT TO:


EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Deckard, still holding his bowl of food, climbs into a spinner behind Gaff as the two cops loom over him. One of the cops shuts the spinner door behind Deckard and the spinner lifts off in a flurry of wind.


CUT TO:

INT. POLICE HQ CONCOURSE - NIGHT


Deckard and Gaff stride through the wide open space of police headquarters to Bryant's office.


                                                   CUT TO:


INT. BRYANT'S OFFICE - NIGHT

Bryant, (Stewie Griffin), is sitting behind his big desk.


BRYANT

Hiya, Deck!


DECKARD

Bryant.

 

BRYANT

You wouldn't have come if I just asked you to. Sit down pal. 


Deckard is being obstinate and remains standing at the door.


BRYANT

C'mon, don't be an asshole, Deckard. I've got four skin-jobs walking the streets.


Deckard steps into the office and sits down. Gaff closes the door and sits down.


DECKARD (VOICE-OVER)

Skin-job is pejorative slang used in the precinct for replicants.


BRYANT

They jumped a shuttle Off-world, killed the crew and passengers. They found the shuttle drifting off the coast two weeks ago so we know they're around.


DECKARD

Embarrassing.


BRYANT

No sir, not embarrassing. No one's ever going to find out they're down here, because you're going to spot them, and you're going to air them out.


DECKARD

I don't work here anymore. Give it to Holden. He's good.


BRYANT

I did. He can breathe okay as long as nobody unplugs him.



Gaff slowly stands up from the floor.


BRYANT

 He's not good enough, not as good as you. I need you, Deck. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.


DECKARD

I was quit when I came in here, Bryant. I'm twice as quit now.


Bryant slowly shakes his big, balding head as if it pained him. Deckard turns and heads towards the door.


BRYANT

Stop right where you are!


Deckard stops. He looks down and sees that he stepped in a pile of dog poop. He looks at the bottom of his shoe and sees the poop is in the shape of a chicken.


DECKARD

Too late.


Bryant pages for clean-up. RoboCop appears and cleans Deckard’s shoe. He exits. The scene continues where it left off before the interruption. 


BRYANT

You know the score pal. If you're not cop, you're little people.


DECKARD

And what have you against the ‘little people’?


BRYANT

Not a bloody thing when they know their place! But it's a bitch when I can't find them.  


CUT TO:


FISHER PRICE ‘LITTLE PEOPLE’ ADVERTISEMENT.



ADVERTISEMENT

Fisher Price makes toys that keep their promises. They keep their wheels on straight; their edges smooth; and their works working. Because, the way we see it, a promise made to a child is more than mere words. A promise is a promise.  


DECKARD (V.O.)

Little People; that’s Bryant’s favorite term of disparagement. Little people know their place. Little people do what they’re told and don’t ask questions. They don’t buck the system. If you do, then you will find yourself on the ugly side of humanity. Me? Sure, I’m rough around the edges, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I’m also no fool.  


DECKARD

No choice, huh?


BRYANT

No choice, pal.


Bryant slips a poop sheet across his desk to Deckard. 


BRYANT

Gaff will be by your side to make sure you stay on task. We both know how you can get distracted.


DECKARD (V.O.)

The scene on the lampshade of the lamp on Bryant’s desk depicted a hunter standing beside a fallen cape buffalo. It reminded me–


BRYANT

Deckard?


DECKARD (V.O.)

–of what I used to do for a living -- and why I'd had enough.


BRYANT

Um-mm, Deckard?


DECKARD (V.O.)

I'd hunt them down, bag 'em and tag'm; and then collect my bounty. 


Using the handle of his walking stick, Gaff clocks Deckard on the back of the head to get his attention. 


BRYANT

There was an escape from the Off-world colonies two weeks ago. Six replicants, three male, three female. They slaughtered twenty-three people and jumped a shuttle. An aerial patrol spotted the ship off the coast. No crew, no sight of them. Three nights ago they tried to break into Tyrell Corporation. Two of them got fried running through an electrical field. We lost the others. On the possibility they might try to infiltrate his employees, I had Holden go over and run Voigt-Kampff tests on the new workers. Looks like he got himself one. You can read the rest. 


DECKARD (V.O.)

                  The big incentive to emigrate was still free labor. If the public found out that their door-prizes might kill them, they might not be so eager to go up there. This was one of the worst one's we had and Bryant was worried. 


Bryant searches his desk drawers for Deckard's police badge. Then he pages weapon’s release for his blaster. Adam Savage enters the office with Deckard’s blaster.


ADAM SAVAGE

Here you go, chief!


Adam Savage exits.


BRYANT 

There will be a Nexus 6 ready and waiting for you over at the Tyrell Corporation in the morning. I want you to go put the machine on it.


DECKARD

And if the machine doesn't work?


[Silence]


DECKARD

Aaaand if the machine doesn’t work?


[Silence]


DECKARD

What if it doesn’t work?


BRYANT

Then we’ll just have to deal with that when the time comes! First, you must go and see it the damn thing works on it or not! Gaff will pick you up bright and early tomorrow morning. Now go!



CUT TO:


EXT. SPINNER - MORNING


The Spinner makes a sharp bank, drops into a steep curve and slides toward the vast plain of industrialization, the menacing shapes on the horizon, stacks of belching flames five hundred feet into the sky the color of cigar ash, towards a large Mayan pyramid-shaped building.


                                                   CUT TO:


EXT. THE PYRAMID - MORNING


The spinner is in a holding pattern.


DECKARD (V.O.)

Every government that could was racing to populate their colonial territory. But emigrants needed incentive. Over-population, crime, and the greenhouse factor didn't seem to be enough; but owning a human look-a-like had lots of appeal. It was big industry, the competition was stiff and Tyrell was top of the line.


                                                   CUT TO:


INT. SPINNER - MORNING


Asian lady driver takes a left turn, causing an accident. Three or four vehicles, once soaring through the morning shy, collide and fall down to the kipple below.  

Traffic control purrs its SOFT ELECTRONIC INSTRUCTION into the cockpit as the spinner that Deckard and Gaff are in rocks gently lower, spiraling into the vortex.


CUT TO:

EXT. TYRELL CORPORATION - DAY                           


The spinner gently touches down. The hatch drops open and Deckard steps out.



                               CUT TO:


INT. TYRELL'S OFFICE - MORNING


Tyrell's Owl, (Meg Griffin), flies across the room from one perch to the other. Rachael, (Lois Griffin), enters the room.


RACHAEL

Do you like our owl?


DECKARD

No, not particularly. It’s artificial?


RACHAEL

Of course not.


Deckard scans Rachael with his eyes, up and down her body.


DECKARD

I can tell you what I do like.


GAFF

You’ll have to excuse Deckard. He's been off the force for some time.


DECKARD (V.O.)

I knew the moment she walked in the room she was trouble. All curves and no brakes. Tall, lean and agile. She was the kind of secretary that men dreamed about in Hollywood movies, and she knew it.


RACHAEL

It seems you feel our work is not a benefit to the public.


DECKARD

Replicants are like any other machine. They're either a benefit or a hazard. If they're a benefit, it's not my problem.


RACHAEL

May I ask you a personal question?


DECKARD

A threesome. Two women and me. Dressed as one. 


GAFF

Deckard, she didn’t even ask you the question yet.


RACHAEL

Have you ever retired a human by mistake?


DECKARD

No.


RACHAEL

But in your position that is a risk?


Eldon Tyrell, (Carter Pewterschmidt), enters the room.


TYRELL

Is this to be an empathy test? Capillary dilation of the so-called blush response? Fluctuation of the pupil? Involuntary dilation of the iris?


GAFF

It’s called the Voight-Kampff test.


DECKARD

We call it Voigt-Kampff for short.


RACHAEL

Mr. Deckard, Mr. Gaff, this is Dr. Eldon Tyrell.


TYRELL

Demonstrate it. I want to see it work.


GAFF

Where's the subject?


TYRELL

I want to see it work on a person. I want to see a negative before I provide you with a positive.


GAFF

What's that going to prove?


TYRELL

Indulge me.


DECKARD

On you?


TYRELL

Try her.


DECKARD

It's too bright in here. I need a little ambiance to help get me in the mood. 


Tyrell hits a button. The windows darken, a Polaroid effect that seems to give Tyrell the power to turn off the sun. Deckard is placing the Voight Kampff case on the table. The Voight-Kampff opens like a butterfly as the room darkens.


RACHAEL

Do you mind if I smoke?


DECKARD

It won't affect the test. 

 

Rachael lights up her cigarette.


DECKARD

All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions. Just relax and answer them as simply as you can. [ pause ] It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calf-skin wallet.


RACHAEL

I wouldn't accept it. Also, I'd report the person who gave it to me to the police.


DECKARD

You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar.


RACHAEL

I'd take him to the doctor.


DECKARD

You're watching television. Suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm.


RACHAEL

I'd kill it.


DECKARD

You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl.


RACHAEL

Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?


DECKARD

Are you really asking yourself that question?


GAFF

Just answer the questions, please.


DECKARD

You show it to your husband. He likes it so much he hangs it on your bedroom wall.


RACHAEL

I wouldn't let him.


DECKARD

Why not?


RACHAEL

I should be enough for him.


Time passes.

 

DECKARD

One more question. You're watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog.


Rachael does not react There is a moment of silence.


GAFF

Now wait just a god-damned minute! You don't see anything wrong with that picture!?


TYRELL

Would you step out for a few moments, Rachael? Thank you.


GAFF

She's a replicant, isn't she?


TYRELL

I'm impressed. How many questions does it usually take to spot them?


GAFF

I don't get it Tyrell.


TYRELL

How many questions?


DECKARD

Twenty, thirty, cross-referenced.


TYRELL

It took more than a hundred for Rachael, didn't it?


GAFF

She doesn't know?!


TYRELL

She's beginning to suspect, I think.


GAFF

Suspect? How can it not know what it is?


TYRELL

Commerce is our goal here at Tyrell. More human than human is our motto. Rachael is an experiment–


DECKARD

How friggin’ sweet! How is she in the sack? 


TYRELL

nothing more. We began to recognize in them strange obsessions. After all they are emotional inexperienced with only a few years in which to store up the experiences which you and I take for granted. If we give them the past we create a cushion or pillow for their emotions and consequently we can control them better.


GAFF

Memories–you're talking about memories.

 

DECKARD (V.O.)

I’ve never even really needed the Voight-Kampff before. I’ve always just known–the moment I met one–until now.


Deckard looks over at the owl perched on its stand.


DECKARD (V.O.)

That owl was more real than Rachael. But to me she was real–real enough.


CUT TO:

EXT. OVERHEAD VIEW OF THE CITY AS SEEN FROM THE SPINNER – RAINING


DECKARD (V.O.)

Nexus six; our legacy. Tyrell told me that he gave them a four-year life span. He said it was good for the economy. And what's more American than good old supply and demand? His claim to fame was making a product more human than human and sometimes the 'more' turned out to be a problem. Why make them so real? Why make them to feel? Why did they leave the off-world colonies? What are they searching for?                               


                                                   CUT TO:


EXT. OVERHEAD VIEW OF HOTEL - NIGHT - RAINING


The hotel is in a seedy part of town.


                                                   CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - NIGHT


A dingy, trash-filled corridor. An OLD MAN leads Deckard and Gaff to a door. The Old Man is wearing an oxygen tank taking occasional hits of air from a mask. He unlocks the door. Deckard and Gaff enter wearily, hands inside their coats on their weapons.


                                                   CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT


The room is dark and ominous, full of danger. Deckard studies the shadows, weapon ready. Satisfied the room is empty, he hits the wall switch. Deckard studies the room. It's clean in contrast to the littered hallway. Gaff has seated himself on the windowsill. Except for his eyes he is motionless like a statue. Deckard starts to inspect the room with great care, inspecting the mattress on the bed, and the nightstand. Gaff watches motionless.


CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL BATHROOM - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER)


Deckard checks the inside of the medicine cabinet in the tiny bathroom. Nothing. Clean. He shuts the cabinet and sees himself. He looks in the shower stall. He sees some specks. He picks them up and puts one of them in a baggie. He exits the neat, tiny bathroom.


                                                   CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Deckard has opened the bureau. He's inspecting the clothes neatly folded. He feels in between the articles of clothes and at the bottom of each drawer. He pulls out a packet of photographs. He thumbs them. Very ordinary looking snapshots. Maybe he notices a couple of strange ones. Maybe not. Some photographs of naked women.


Deckard (V.O.)

I didn't know whether Leon gave Holden a legit address. But it was the only lead I had, so I checked it out. Whatever was in the bathtub wasn't human. Replicants don't have scales. And family photographs? Replicants didn't have families either.


Deckard feels funny as he studies the pictures, his mind changes focus. He steps aside, against the wall, and glances out of the window. Gaff watches Deckard and frowns uncomprehending. Deckard, satisfied at what he sees out the window, studies the photographs again, but not in front of the window. Gaff, frowning, approaches the window and looks out, puzzled.


                                                   CUT TO:


EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT


An angry Leon sees Gaff peering out the window above. Leon's eyes blaze with anger. He turns and runs off.


                                                   CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT


Deckard pockets the pictures and continues his inspection. Gaff sits motionless like a statue. After Deckard is done investigating the room, he motions Gaff off the sill with his head. They exit the room.

                                                   CUT TO:



EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT (A LITTLE LATER)


Leon's hidden amongst the kipple on the street waiting and watching for Deckard and Gaff to exit the hotel. After they leave and are out of sight, Leon heads over to the hotel. 

On his way through the lobby he steps into a pile of dog poop. He lifts his foot, and at the bottom of his shoe is the poop in the shape of a stick man with an erect penis. 

He wipes his shoe off the best he can on the hotel's foyer carpet. The hotel clerk sees this and orders him off the premises. So, he leaves to meet up with Roy Batty. 



                                                   CUT TO:



EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Leon finds Roy Batty, (Joe Swanson), using the public vidphone. Leon approaches him.


ROY

Did you get your precious photos?


LEON

No. Someone was there.


ROY

Men?


(Leon nods his head.)


ROY

Firemen?


(Leon shakes his head.)


ROY

Garbage men?


(Leon shakes his head again.)


ROY

Police men?


(Leon nods.)


ROY

 [Sniffs the air]

 Did you forget to shower today?


LEON

I stepped in dog poop. It was in the shape of a figure of a stickman with an erection. What do you think it means?


ROY

It could mean anything. It’s open to speculation. Maybe you broke it when you stepped on it?


LEON

And I made him impotent.


They both head down the street together. Roy stops in front of a shop, Goldman’s Pharmacy.


ROY

You wait here.


CUT TO:                                      


INT. GOLDMAN'S PHARMACY



Roy Batty enters Goldman’s Pharmacy. He hands Mort Goldman a prescription for Silenizine. It’s for Pris. 


MORT

I'll see if I have any in. I may be all out of it.


Mort checks in the computer.


MORT

You're in luck, mister! I'll have it for you in a jiffy.


As he's locating the drug and counting out the pills, he makes small talk.


MORT

You'll have to excuse the mess. I had an assistant, but she left a couple weeks ago to work for someone else. Yeah, not even in the same field! Eyes! Would you believe it?  


CUT TO:

EXT. CHEW’S EYE WORK SHOP - NIGHT


Many Asians are riding by on their bicycles. Oscar Pistorius runs by to the soundtrack of the theme from the movie Chariots of Fire


Roy and Leon enter the shop.

CUT TO:


INT. CHEW'S EYE WORK SHOP - NIGHT


Chew, (Glenn Quagmire), is talking to himself in whispers; content with his work. Leon tugs at the hoses connected to Chew's heated fur coat. 


CHEW

Where did you come from? What the hell do you think you are doing?


Chew speaks into his coat-lapel microphone.

CHEW

Ah - Chong, come quickly!


ROY

Fiery the angels fell. Deep thunder rode around their shores, burning with the fires of Orc.


CHEW

You not come here. Illegal! 


Leon sticks his hand inside of one of the tanks full of floating, unblinking eyes. 


 CHEW

 Hey! Hey! Cold! Those are my eyes! Freezing!


Chew now realizes that they're not human. 

ROY

Yes, questions.


Leon removes Chew's jacket. 


CHEW

Hey! Hey! Hu-ahh. Huh. Huh-ay...


ROY

Morphology, longevity, incept dates.


CHEW

Don't know -- I don't know such stuff. Gimme my god-damned coat back!


ROY

Now, Chew, I’m only going to give you one more chance.


CHEW

I just do eyes! Just friggin' eyes! -- Just genetic design -- just eyes.


Upon closer inspection, Chew is able to identify what generation of replicant Roy is through the design of his eyes.


CHEW

 You Nexus, huh? I design your eyes.


ROY

Chew, if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes. Questions!


CHEW

I don't know answers.


ROY

Who does?


CHEW

Tyrell. He -- He knows everything.


ROY

Tyrell Corporation?


CHEW

He big boss–he big genius. He designed your mind; your brain.


ROY

Ah, smart.


CHEW

Cold.


ROY

Not an easy man to see–


CHEW

Very fucking cold.


ROY

I guess?


CHEW

Se-Se-Sebastian he -- he'll take you -- take you there.


ROY

Sebastian who?


CHEW

J.F. -- J. F. Sebastian, Sebastian... Sebastian.


ROY

Now, where would we find this J. F. Sebastian?



CUT TO:


INT. DECKARD'S CAR - NIGHT - RAINING


Deckard's car pulls up into a drive of a condominium block that looms against the night sky like a pile of cardboard boxes. 


HOLDEN

(audio)

Let’s continue, shall we? Describe in single words, only the good things that come in to your mind about your mother.


LEON

(audio)

 My mother?


HOLDEN

(audio)

Yeah.


LEON

 (audio)

I'll tell you about my mother. 


The shot of gun fire is heard.

CUT TO:


EXT. DECKARD'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT - RAINING


Deckard's car pulls up into a drive of a condominium block that looms against the night sky like a pile of cardboard boxes. Deckard gets out of the car wearily and heads for the front door.



                                                   CUT TO:


INT. ELEVATOR NIGHT


The elevator is gloomy, poorly lit, full of shadows. Deckard asks for the 97th Floor.


ELEVATOR

Voice print identification. Your floor number please.


DECKARD

Deckard, ninety-seven.


ELEVATOR

Ninety-seven, thank-you, danke.


The ELEVATOR makes a creaking noise, very distinctive, and starts upward. Deckard begins to fantasize about Rachael. He reaches down to adjust his pants. Suddenly he feels that something is wrong. He is suddenly very alert, ready. There are shadows behind him but he can't turn to look. The ELEVATOR CREAKS UPWARDS. Deckard goes for his blaster, gets it out quick and whirls. Rachael is there, in the shadows. Deckard's blaster is pointed at her. One more second..... Deckard lowers the blaster. He's shaking all of a sudden.


RACHAEL

I wanted to see you, so I waited.


Deckard feels awkward, not knowing what to do. He was just fantasizing about her and has an erection. As he approaches his apartment door, he drops his key-card.


RACHAEL

Let me help.


DECKARD

Help? Really? You wanna help me?


RACHAEL

I don't know why he told you what he did.


DECKARD

Well, ah, talk to him. (His erection is twice as big and clearly more noticeable than before.) Oops, gotta go!


Deckard closes his apartment door on Rachael.


RACHAEL

He wouldn't see me.


DECKARD

(To himself) 

Gosh, she really must be desperate.


Deckard opens the door for her, and Rachael enters.


DECKARD

You wanna drink? No? No?


RACHAEL

You think I'm a replicant, don't you? 


DECKARD

Wanna do it


RACHAEL

Look …


Rachael hands him a photo. Deckard gets excited until he sees it’s a photo of her as a child with her mother.

RACHAEL

It's me with my mother.


DECKARD

 Yeah? Remember when you were six? You and your brother snuck into an empty building through a basement window--you were gonna play doctor? He showed you his, but when it got to be your turn you chickened and ran. Remember that? You ever tell anybody that? Your mother, Tyrell, anybody? You remember the spider that lived in a bush outside your window: orange body, green legs? Watched her build a web all summer. Then one day there was a big egg in it. The egg hatched--


RACHAEL

The egg hatched, and a hundred baby spiders came out. And they ate her.


DECKARD

Implants! Those aren't your memories. They're somebody else's. They're Tyrell's niece's. 


Rachael doesn't say anything, she can't. Rachael just stares at him, stunned and barely holding on. Tears streak down her face. Deckard sees he's gotten through... but maybe he went too far.


DECKARD

Okay, bad joke. I made a bad joke. You're not a replicant. Go home, okay? No really, I'm sorry. Go home. 


Rachael stands there motionless as tears streak down her face. She's completely destroyed, silent.


DECKARD


Want a drink? I'll get you a drink.


DECKARD (V.O.)

Tyrell really did a job on Rachael. Right down to a snapshot of a mother she never had, a daughter she never was. Replicants weren't supposed to have feelings. Neither were blade runners. What the hell was happening to me? Leon's pictures had to be as phony as Rachael's. I didn't know why a replicant would collect photos. Maybe they were like Rachael. They needed memories.


                                                             CUT TO:


EXT. SEBASTIAN'S BUILDING - NIGHT


Pris, (Bonnie Swanson), walks under the art deco marquee between the twisted corduroy columns and into the foyer. She picks a spot near the entrance and is covering herself with old newspapers and trash for warmth to wait for J.F. Sebastian, (Chris Griffin).


PRIS

Pugh... Uhhh... Ungh... Ungh...


SEBASTIAN

Hey! You forgot your bag.


PRIS

I'm lost.


SEBASTIAN

Don't worry, I won't hurt you. What's your name?


PRIS

Pris.


SEBASTIAN

Mine's J. F. Sebastian.


PRIS

Hi.


SEBASTIAN

Hi. Oh, where were you going, home?


PRIS

I don't have one.


J.F. starts to turn to go inside his building


PRIS

 We scared each other pretty good, didn't we?


SEBASTIAN

We sure did.


PRIS

I'm hungry J. F.


SEBASTIAN

I've got some stuff inside. You want to come in?


PRIS

I was hoping you'd say that.


Pris and Sebastian enter building.


PRIS

Do you live in this building all by yourself?


SEBASTIAN

Yeah, I live here pretty much alone right now. No housing shortage around here. Plenty of room for everybody. 


PRIS

{Coughs}


SEBASTIAN

Watch out for the water.


PRIS

Must get lonely here J. F.


SEBASTIAN

Hmm... Not really. I make friends. They're toys. My friends are toys. I make them. It's a hobby. I'm a genetic designer. Do you know what that is?


PRIS

No.


SEBASTIAN

Now... Oh... {Lets Pris into apartment first} Yoo-hoo, home again.


Inside J.F.'s apartment, they are greeted by two of his toys, Kaiser Wilhelm, (Cleveland Brown), and Bear, (Tim the Bear). 


KAISER AND BEAR

Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Good evening J. F.


SEBASTIAN

Good evening, fellas.


KAISER

{Bumps into wall}

 Oooh!


SEBASTIAN

They're my friends. I made them. Where are your folks?


PRIS

I'm sort of an orphan.


SEBASTIAN

Oh, what about your friends?


PRIS

I have some, but I have to find them. I'll let 'em know where I am tomorrow.


SEBASTIAN

Oh? Can I take those things for you? They're soaked aren't they?


As Pris and Sebastian walk into the next room, he introduces her to two more of his friends, Darryl and Darryl, (Herbert).


SEBASTIAN

This is my friend Darryl, and this is my other friend Darryl.


PRIS

So nice to meet yous, Darryl!



CUT TO:


INT. DECKARD'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


Deckard is at the piano, daydreaming … almost falling asleep. There is a thought cloud bubble showing him dreaming of a sheep jumping a fence.

He shakes his head to wake from his nap. He grabs the stack of Leon's photos and thumbs through them. He comes across a photo of a nude woman in a provocative pose. 

Deckard walks across the room, bottle and glass in one hand, photograph in the other. He slides the photo into the Esper machine, then seats himself on the couch and pours himself a drink. 

He analyzes the image and makes some hard copies. He thumbs through the stack of photos for another. He finds one. He analyzes that one. 


DECKARD

Enhance.


In closer on the dress. An exotic shimmering gown made of sequins. Deckard ponders it, smiles slightly.


DECKARD

I don't suppose one of those males has a transvestite problem.



He delves deeper into the image.


DECKARD
Enhance 224 to 176. Enhance, stop. Move in, stop. Pull out, track right, stop. Center in, pull back. Stop. Track 45 right. Stop. Center and stop. Enhance 34 to 36. Pan right and pull back. Stop. Enhance 34 to 46. Pull back. Wait a minute, go right, stop. Enhance 57 to 19. Track 45 left. Stop. Enhance 15 to 23. Give me a hard copy right there.


Deckard goes online and googles fish scales. He compares some of the images with what he has. Then he looks up fish manufacturers in the LA area. Then heads over to Animoid Row.



CUT TO:


EXT. ANIMOID ROW - NIGHT

Animoid Row is packed full of booths, stalls, artificial animals and people. Deckard walks by the Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tubeman Emporium and Warehouse. He walks by another booth manned by Carl trying to sell him something. Deckard doesn't pay attention -- he has one thing on his mind.

In the crowd we see; someone wearing a t-shirt that reads; "Yes gov'nor my ass!" on the front; Opie bouncing around in the crowd yelling, "Wablu Wablu Wabluuuu!"


DECKARD (V.O.)
Here the merchant lures; selling you their brands of reality and remedies that cure all cursed. Animoid Row is a marketplace to buy artificial animals. Since most of the real ones vanished after World War Terminus, this was as good as you could get. Very few could afford the real deal. And even some of the artificial ones can be pricey. So you come here. 


Deckard finally finds what he was searching for, the animoid fish vendor, (Ash).



DECKARD
Fish?


The fish vendor takes the scale and examines it under the electron microscope. We see the image up on a video screen.

ANIMOID FISH VENDER

It’s made of fibrous structural proteins. Keratin monomers, assembled into bundles forming intermediate filaments, which are tough and insoluble and form strong unmineralized tissues found in reptiles, birds, amphibians, and mammals. This scale is from the inner surface. The skin from the inner surface hinges back and forms a free area which overlaps the base of the next scale which emerges below this scale. That enough for you?


DECKARD

Yeah, plenty. Umm… what's it mean?


ANIMOID FISH VENDER

It’s not a fish scale. It’s a snake scale. I’d say it was manufactured locally. It’s the finest quality–superior workmanship. There is a maker's serial number; 99069-07X/B71. 


DECKARD

Snake?


ANIMOID FISH VENDER

Try Abdul Ben-Hassan. He specializes in snakes. His booth is at the other end.


As Deckard approaches Abdul Ben-Hassan’s booth, he passes some exotic looking animals. Among them are E.T., the extraterrestrial inside a bamboo cage.



CUT TO:

INT. ABDUL BEN-HASSAN'S SHOP

Abdul, (Ollie Williams), welcomes Deckard into his shop.


DECKARD

Abdul Hassan? I'm a police officer. I'd like to ask you a few questions. Artificial snake license X/B71, that's you? This is your work, huh? Who did you sell it to?


ABDUL

My work? Not too many could afford such quality.


DECKARD

How many?


ABDUL

Very few.


DECKARD

How few? Look, my friend


ABDUL

Taffey Lewis, down in Fourth Sector, Chinatown.



CUT TO:

INT. TAFFEY LEWIS' SNAKE PIT BAR

Deckard walks into the seedy bar. He approaches the bartender, Louie, (Horace) who then directs him to Taffey, (James Woods).


DECKARD

Bartender? Taffey Lewis?


LOUIE

(Points to Taffey)

At the end of the bar. 


DECKARD

Taffey, I'd like to ask you a few questions.


TAFFEY

(To the woman on his arm)

Blow me.


DECKARD

You ever buy snakes from the Egyptian, Taffey?


TAFFEY

All the time, pal.


DECKARD

You ever see this girl, huh?


Deckard shows him a photo of a nude model. 


TAFFEY

Sure, in the back of my limo.


DECKARD

Okay, how about this one?


Deckard shows him the photo of Zhora.


TAFFEY

Never seen her, buzz off.


DECKARD

Your licenses in order, pal?


TAFFEY

Hey Louie, the man is dry. Give him one on the house, okay? Wait and see.


DECKARD (V.O.)

Taffey suggested I watch the next act. Either he was just blowing me off or he didn't think she was worth the trouble. So I just sat tight and waited. I had a drink to nurse. But still, I couldn't stop thinking of her...Rachael.


Deckard pulls out a handful of photographs. Among them are the photo of Rachael and the mother that she never had. 


DECKARD (V.O.)

A storm of thoughts ran through my mind. Was it possible that Tyrell just set me up; one of his attempts to bust the Voigh-Kampff test, making them useless? That Rachael really was human? Or is that just wishful thinking? 


Deckard pulls out his cell phone and calls Rachael.


RACHAEL

Hello?


DECKARD

I've had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming. I'm at a bar here now down at the fourth sector. I'm at Taffey Lewis', it's on the line. Why don't you come on down here and have a drink?


RACHAEL

I don't think so, Mr. Deckard. That's not my kind of place.


DECKARD

We’ll go someplace else.


Rachael hangs up on him.

 

 ANNOUNCER

Ladies and Gentlemen, Taffey Lewis presents Miss Salome and the snake. Watch her take the pleasures from the serpent that once corrupted man.


Deckard watches the act. Miss Salome, (Carol (Pewterschmidt) West), dances and charms the snake. Her erotic dancing with the snake is very suggestive. The crowd goes wild.


DECKARD (V.O.)

 I didn’t know you could do things like that with a snake. Is it even legal? What I’d give to be that snake right about … now. 


CUT TO:


INT. BACKSTAGE - A LITTLE LATER


You can hear applause and catcalls from the audience as Salome flounces backstage. She starts toward the dressing room. Deckard emerges from the shadow.


DECKARD

Excuse me, Miss  Salome....


DECKARD

Excuse me, Ms. Salome, can I talk to you for a minute? I'm from the American Federation of Variety Artists.


ZHORA

Oh, yeah?


DECKARD

I'm not here to make you join. No ma'am. That's not my department. Actually, uh. I'm from the, uh, Confidential Committee on Moral Abuses.


ZHORA

Committee of Moral Abuses?


DECKARD

Yes, ma'am. There've been some reports that the management has been taking liberties with the artists in this place.


ZHORA

Oh, I am so glad you came! I can't tell you how uncomfortable I've been.  


DECKARD

Oh, that was unexpected. 


DECKARD (V.O.)

I was no therapist. And I needed to get close to that snake to compare scales. 


DECKARD

Ah, is this a real snake?



ZHORA

Of course it's not real. Do you think I'd be working in a place like this if I could afford a real snake?


DECKARD

I wouldn’t know. Don’t they pay well here? 


ZHORA

Sure, if you turn tricks after the show. But I won’t do it.


DECKARD

Oh yeah? Well, I'd like to check your dressing room, if I may.


ZHORA

For what?


DECKARD

For, uh, for holes.


ZHORA

Holes?


DECKARD

Well you -- you'd be surprised what a guy'd go through to get a glimpse of a beautiful body.


Deckard started looking around the dressing room. Zhora turned the shower on, adjusting the temperature of the water. This gave Deckard the chance to pull out the sample of the scale and compare it to Zhora’s snake.

  

DECKARD

Little, uh, dirty holes they, uh, drill in the wall so they can watch a lady undress.


ZHORA

Oh, please do. I wouldn’t be surprised around here.


Zhora showers herself. Then she dries off her body and hair.


ZHORA

So if somebody does try to exploit me, who do I go to about it?


DECKARD

Me!


ZHORA

Thank God! Well, Taffey has been making advancements to me ever since he hired me. He promised to marry me, but the other girls say he says that to all the girls. But I tell them that this is different. I really think he means it. But he keeps putting it off. And then, last week, I found him with another woman… a girl, named Trixie. And–


DECKARD

Okay, well thank you for your time. I’ll be sure and file a report and send it right in. Someone will get back to you by the end of the week.


Deckard turns to leave. Zhora then plops down on a chair and starts sobbing. Deckard turns to her. He feels guilty. He approaches her and tries to console her best he could. He knelt down next to her and put his arm around her.


DECKARD (V.O.)

I was never accused of being charming. It didn’t work on Rachael. And I don’t know how I could expect it to work on her.


ZHORA

What did I do wrong? I thought he really loved me.


DECKARD

Who, Taffey? No. You deserve someone better that.


Zhora backed out of his embrace and looked into his eyes.


ZHORA

Who, for example? You?


This caught Deckard off guard. His stood up and backed away from her.


DECKARD

What ever gave you that impression!?


ZHORA

You came here to rescue me from being exploited and having to do lewd, unsavory, and repulsive things to my person, didn’t you?


DECKARD

Well, actually I came here to see your snake.


ZHORA

Why did I think you’d understand!


DECKARD
I was being honest with you!

ZHORA
Then tell me lies! 


Zhora runs out of dressing room, knocking over another dancer in the hallway. Peter runs after her. He follows her out into the street. He calls to her once more, but she runs even faster. The chase goes on through the street full of the traffic of people, taxis and buses. 

Deckard is really concerned about Zhora. She runs in front of traffic, almost getting run down. And the crowd becomes congested around Deckard that he’s having a hard time breaking through. 
Not paying attention, she runs through glass window panes. Leon sees this.


DECKARD
Move! Get out of the way!


Not paying attention to what’s in front of her, Zhora runs through a pane of glass of a clothing store. The noise captures Leon’s attention on the street on his way to see Zhora. CRASH! Zhora explodes through a series of plate glass windows in adjoining shops. Zhora breaks through one window after another, getting sliced, running on reflexes. She's going too fast to stop. Glass sprays like fireworks as she smashes through the last two windows and into the street, where she drops dead on the side walk.

Deckard makes his way through the broken window frames to Zhora. By this time, the police are on the scene. Deckard shows them his identification. Leon stays at a distance mixed in with the crowd.

   
TRICIA TAKANAWA
Coming to you live from Chinatown where a member of LAPD’s blade runner unit just gunned down a suspected humanoid replicant.

DECKARD
What do you mean gunned down! I was just trying to talk to her!

TRICIA TAKANAWA
As you can see from the wounds through her translucent rain coat, she must have received numerous gun shot wounds before falling to her death here on the side walk right before me.

DECKARD
Let me see you run through a half a dozen plates of glass and not draw blood.

TRICIA TAKANAWA
Is that the newest method for testing whether someone is a replicant, Mr. Deckard?

CUT TO:

INT. QUAHOG 5 NEWS

JOYCE KINNEY 
This just in. The new controversial method of testing for humanoid replicants is having a smashing effect on window shoppers. 

CUT TO:
EXT. WINDOW STORE FRONT

WINDOW SHOPPER
I just don’t feel safe window shopping anymore.

CUT TO:
INT. QUAHOG 5 NEWS

The studio desk is vacant. The window behind the desk is smashed out.  

CUT TO:

EXT. CITY STREET

After the police on the scene was confirmed that Zhora was a replicant, Deckard had had enough for one day. Deckard's eyes slowly follow the rivulets of blood that lead over the slope of a blacktop to his shoes. Deckard tries to repress his wince. His eyes reveal that it's getting to him. He's aware of the spectators around him. Looking up, he sees them moving nervously away from him with frightened looks. Then he sees her. Rachael is standing in the crowd staring at the dead Zhora. Rachael's face reveals her horror. She looks from Zhora to Deckard. Deckard feels her eyes burn into him. Deckard sees Rachael disappear into the crowd. Deckard starts to say something but anything he said would be drowned in siren noise. Rachael is swallowed up into the crowd near a big sign. He attempts to catch up to her, but a big guy collars him and hauls him into an alley. It’s Leon.

Deckard pulls out his blaster. But Leon knocks it right out of his hands. Deckard slugs Leon in the face. He might as well have waved to him.

Deckard is pale. The sweat is starting to run.


LEON

How old am I?


DECKARD

I don't know.

The grip tightens and twists.


LEON

My birthday is April 10, 2017. How long do I live?


DECKARD

Four years.

He lets go.

LEON

More than you!


Deckard's knees come up fast, but Leon's fist comes down faster, like a hammer. Leon then throws him against a car's windshield. And he grabs him for some more tossing around.


LEON

Painful to live in fear, isn't it?


Deckard is doubled over, hugging his thigh.


LEON

Tough having an itch you just can’t scratch.


DECKARD

Oh, I agree.


LEON

You don’t want shingles.


Leon picks Deckard up by the collar, and slaps him across the face. 


LEON

Wake up! Time to die.


Leon gets ready to gouge out Deckard's eyes... But, Rachael pops some lead into his cranium from behind.


CUT TO:

EXT. 42ND STREET - 20 MINUTES LATER

It's the 42nd Street of the future, a garish, wicked place. Deckard and Rachael are walking together, almost zombies. Deckard is only a little less bloody and a lot more swollen. Rachael looks stoned on the horror of the killing.


DECKARD (V.O.)
There's only one thing that works on cuts and bruises and long nights.

                                                           CUT TO:

EXT. KIOSK - MOMENTS LATER

It's a grimy little Tienda with a counter right on the sidewalk and shelves crammed with dusty bottles, bright packs of cigarettes, old magazines and assorted junk. The street vendor, (Seamus), wears an eye-patch and a sharp look in his good eye. Deckard and Rachael are facing him.


STREET VENDOR
A minute. Yeah what do you want?

DECKARD
Tsing Tao.


The street vendor tries to hand Deckard a half pint but he shakes his head and points and he produces a fifth. Deckard is paying when he feels a tap on his shoulder. 

He turns and sees Gaff leering at him. Not what Deckard expected or wanted. His eyes flicker a warning in Rachael's direction. Rachael is standing in the flow of pedestrians, Asians, Mexicans and Indians. She has already seen Gaff and she gets the message in Deckard's eyes and allows herself to drift away, part of the stream of humanity moving down the sidewalk. But Gaff's sharp eyes have picked up Deckard's look and he glances. What Gaff sees is the back of a woman's head in the crowd. Gaff looks back at Deckard and makes a head movement indicating the vehicle at the curb.

It's a spinner and Bryant is grinning at the window, chewing on a heater.
   

BRYANT
Christ, Deckard, you look almost as bad as that skin job you left on the sidewalk.

DECKARD
I'm going home.

BRYANT
You could learn from this guy Gaff. He's a god damn one man slaughter house. That's what he is. Three more to go! Come on Gaff, let's go.

DECKARD
Two! There's two to go.

BRYANT
There's three. That-- That-that skin-job that you V-K'd at the Tyrell Corporation, Rachael? Disappeared. Vanished. Didn't even know she was a replicant. Something to do with a brain implant says Tyrell.


Deckard has already noticed that Gaff is looking down the street in the direction Rachael went. Gaff feels Deckard's eyes, turns and leers cheerfully at Deckard. Deckard meets the look... an ominous exchange.


BRYANT
Come on Gaff. Drink some for me, huh, pal.

They enter the spinner.

BRYANT
How did I get stuck playing Captain Bryant? The fat man should’ve gotten that role. I would have made a more convincing Deckard.

GAFF
You want to be known for fucking an appliance and running away with it?


Bryant thinks about it a second.

BRYANT
You have a point.



CUT TO:

EXT. 42ND STREET - A FEW MOMENTS LATER

RACHAEL
Are you sure you want to be seen with me? Isn’t that a little unorthodox? 

DECKARD
Rachael? Words alone cannot describe the way I feel about you. 


Deckard breaks into a musical number. “If I Didn’t Care”. 

                  The Inkspots - If I didn't care by i0annaA


   

CUT TO:

INT. DECKARD'S APARTMENT


Deckard and Rachael return to his apartment. As soon as they’re in the door they start making out like teenagers, and start removing each others shirts. 


DECKARD

Say, Deckard’s your daddy. 


RACHAEL

Deckard’s my daddy.


DECKARD

Now say it three times fast.


RACHAEL

Deckard, I can't rely on my memory to... you know.


Rachael’s face turns red with embarrassment.

 

DECKARD

Don't you worry about a thing, sweetheart. I’ll teach you everything I know. 


CUT TO:

SCENE FROM THE MOVIE American Graffiti 



BOB FALFA

Hey, Hey, Hey, baby–what do you say?


LAURIE

Just don't say anything and we'll get along fine.


CUT TO:

INT. THE BRADBURY BUILDING - J.F. SEBASTIAN’S APARTMENT


Pris is wandering around J.F’s apartment. She opens a door and peeks in. It's a scene from the movie Metropolis -- featuring the Heart Machine.




She closes the door and moves on. She hears a toilet flush. She finds the bathroom. She sees that no one is there. So, she applies a Kabuki raccoon mask on her face. Then, reflected in the mirror behind her, she sees Darryl. He is slowly trying to exit/sneak out of the bathroom. She’s very suspicious of him. 

She wanders into the room where J.F. is napping. He wakes.


PRIS

I don’t know, J.F. I think that friend of yours–Darryl?–is really a human.


J.F.

 Darryl? Nooo! I made him myself, with my own two hands! 


In the background we hear Darryl make a moan.

PRIS

But, I found him in your bathroom.


J.F.

Oh, he’s always hanging out in there. I think he likes to watch.


PRIS

Using the toilet?


J.F.

Come to think of it, I do only remember making one functional Darryl and disassembling the other. Darryl!?


Both Darryls come.


J.F.

Which one of yous is fake and which one of yous is human?


They both point to one another.

DARRYL

He's the one!


PRIS

I think I know how we can tell.


Pris goes over to J.F. and starts undressing him down to his under garments. By this point, J.F. has forgotten all about the Darryls, but Pris hasn't. And when only one of the Darryls reacts to J.F.'s exposure, they both know who is real and who is fake.


DARRYL

Alright, I cannot tell a lie. I’m human. 


Darryl breaks into a song. You've Got A Friend. And then he exits the apartment.


CUT TO:

INT. CHEW’S APARTMENT

Chew is seen trying to telephone J.F. Sebastian on his vid-phone, but he’s not getting any answer.


CHEW

Poor kid, I hope they didn’t get to him yet. 


He dials again, but it’s the wrong number. It’s one of his sex lines.


CUT TO:

INT. THE BRADBURY BUILDING - J.F. SEBASTIAN'S APARTMENT


PRIS

How old are you?


SEBASTIAN

Twenty-five.


PRIS

What's you problem?


SEBASTIAN

Methuselah syndrome.


PRIS

What's that?


SEBASTIAN

My glands–they grow old too fast.


PRIS

Is that why you're still on earth?


SEBASTIAN

Yeah, I couldn't pass the medical. Anyway, I kind of like it here.


PRIS

I like you just the way you are. 


Roy enters the room.

PRIS

Hi, Roy.


ROY

Ah, gosh. You've really got some nice toys here.


PRIS

This is the friend I was telling you about. This is my savior, J. F. Sebastian.


ROY

Sebastian, I like a man that stays put. You live here all by yourself, do you?


SEBASTIAN

Yes.


Roy kisses Pris passionately.


SEBASTIAN

How 'bout some breakfast. I was just gonna make some.


PRIS

Well?


ROY

Leon–


PRIS

What's going on?


ROY

Ah-- There's only two of us now.


PRIS

Then we're stupid and we'll die.


ROY

No we won't.


Roy is wandering around J.F.'s apartment. He sees a poker table with all its tidings awaiting its party. 


 ROY

Why are you staring at us Sebastian?


SEBASTIAN

Because. You're so different. You're so perfect.


ROY

Yes.


SEBASTIAN

What generation are you?


ROY

Nexus six.


SEBASTIAN

Ah, I knew it! 'Cause I do genetic design work for the Tyrell Corporation. There's some of me in you. Show me something.


ROY

Like what?


SEBASTIAN

Like anything.


ROY

We're no computers Sebastian, we're physical.


PRIS

I think, Sebastian, therefore I am.


ROY

Very good Pris, now show him why.


Pris does a summersault and then grabs a boiling egg from the cooker and tosses it to Sebastian.


ROY

We've got a lot in common.


SEBASTIAN

What do you mean?


ROY

Similar problems.


PRIS

Accelerated decrepitude.


SEBASTIAN

I don't know much about biomechanics, Roy. I wish I did.


ROY

If we don't find help soon, Pris hasn't got long to live. We can't allow that. 


Looking over at the poker table, Roy asks;

ROY

Is he good?


SEBASTIAN

Who?


ROY

Your opponent.


SEBASTIAN

Oh, Dr. Tyrell? I've only beaten him a few times. He's a genius. (Looking over at Pris) He designed you!


ROY

Maybe he could help?


SEBASTIAN

I'd be happy to mention it to him, sure.


ROY

Better if I talk to him in person. But I understand he's a sort of hard man to get to.


SEBASTIAN

Yes, very.


ROY

Will you help us?


SEBASTIAN

I can't.


PRIS

We need you Sebastian. You're our best and only friend.


ROY

 {Holds fake eyeballs up to his eyes, and speaks in a goofy Chinese accent} 

We're so happy you found us.


Sebastian laughs.

PRIS

I don't think there's another human being in the whole world who would have helped us.



CUT TO:

INT. TYRELL BUILDING - ELEVATOR



TYRELL

66 thousand Prosser and Ankovich. Hmmm.. Trade. Trade at–


COMPUTER

New entry. A Mr. J. F. Sebastian. 1-6-4-1-7.


TYRELL

At this hour? What can I do for you, Sebastian?


SEBASTIAN

Up for a hand of poker?

 

TYRELL

You bluffing?

 

SEBASTIAN

Nope. And I brought a friend along.

 

TYRELL

You brought Ted?

 

SEBASTIAN

Nope, it’s somebody new. Someone you haven’t met before. (Turning to Roy he comments) Or maybe you have, in a sense?

 

TYRELL

It's not one of your robotic toy friends is it!?


SEBASTIAN

No-no! Not after what happened the last time.


CUT TO:

FLASHBACK

Scene of poker table with Sebastian, Tyrell, Bill Gates, Ted Turner, and an android made up of a mismatch of stuffed animals and metal, resembling a cutesy Terminator. It is winning every hand, as seen by the pile of poker chips/money in front of him. 


CUT TO:

INT. TYRELL BUILDING - ELEVATOR


TYRELL

Sure! I’m always game for a hand of poker.


CUT TO:

INT. TYRELL'S APARTMENT


SEBASTIAN

Mr. Tyrell, meet my new friend, Roy.


Realizing that it's no friend of Sebastian's, but a replicant, Tyrell becomes defensive, but tries to play it cool.


TYRELL

I'm surprised you didn't come here sooner.


ROY

It's not an easy thing to meet your Maker.


TYRELL

And, what can He do for you?


ROY

Can the Maker repair what He makes?


TYRELL

Would you like to be modified?


ROY

{to J.F.)

Stay here. 

{To Tyrell}

I had in mind something a little more radical.


TYRELL

What– What seems to be the problem?


ROY

Death.


TYRELL

Death? Well, I'm afraid that's a little out of my jurisdiction. You–


ROY

I want more life, fucker.


TYRELL

Go to hell!


ROY

Let's play for it! If you win, then I'll leave peacefully. If you lose, I take your life.


Tyrell considers this for a moment. He feels confident that he'll win and accepts the challenge.

Tyrell's Owl has a look of fright in her eyes as she looks down at Roy.


CUT TO:

INT. CHEW'S APARTMENT


Chew just got off the vid-phone with a phone-sex partner. He then tries J.F. Sebastian's number again. This time he gets an answer.


PRIS

Hello?


CHEW

Well, hello there, gorgeous! Is J.F. around?


PRIS

No, he's not in right now. Can I give him a message?


CHEW

Well, do you expect him in soon?


PRIS

I'm not really sure when he'll be back.


CHEW

Alright!


Chew hangs up the vid-phone, gets dressed, and then heads on over to Sebastian's apartment.


CUT TO:

INT. THE BRADBURY BUILDING - SEBASTIAN'S APARTMENT


Chew opens Sebastian's door with the key that Sebastian gave him for emergencies.  



KAISER WILHELM

Home again, home again–


CHEW

Giggidy, gig! Hi there, fella’s!


KAISER WILHELM

How’s it goin’, Chew-meister? 


CHEW

Not bad! Nope, not at all. How about yourself?


KAISER WILHELM

Besides this frickin’ nose, and this mouth brace, I can’t really complain. 


CHEW

Yeah, I hear you. So, I hear Sebastian’s got a babe here?


KAISER WILHELM

He has a guest, if that’s what you mean. We have two guests, actually.


CHEW

Two babes!?


KAISER WILHELM

No. Just the one and her boyfriend, I think.


CHEW

You think? Oh.


KAISER WILHELM

But he’s not here. He and J.F. left a little while ago.


CHEW

Leaving the babe all by her lonesome?


KAISER WILHELM

Well, she’s got me.


CHEW

Yeah, well, you ain’t got what it takes to please the babes, unless you count that nose of yours.


 KAISER WILHELM

How would you know?


CHEW

I designed your eyes, remember!?


KAISER WILHELM

Oh, snap. Well, she’s in the other room.


CHEW

Giggidy!


Chew sneaks into the next room and starts looking around for Pris.


CHEW

Come out - come out where ever you are!


Pris comes out from the opposite side of the room. She’s standing in the doorway. The light behind her gives her a ghostly appearance. This begins to turn Chew on. A smile slowly creases on his face. Then she runs and does a summersault, and then clasps Chew’s head in between her thighs.


CHEW 

Alright.


CUT TO:

INT. TYRELL BUILDING - ELEVATOR

Roy is alone, taking the elevator down. After he finishes wiping the blood off of his hands with Sebastian's coat, he tosses it on the floor of the elevator, and then counts his winnings from the poker game.  



CUT TO: 


INT: DECKARD’S CAR - DOWNTOWN L.A.


BRYANT

(Over external speakers in car)

Access to Tyrell’s was obtained by Sebastian. J. F. Sebastian. He’s twenty-five years old Caucasian. Address is the Bradbury apartments, ninth sector. NM46751. I want you to go down there and see if he or any of those skin-jobs are there.


Bryant signs off. Then, overhead, a police spinner hovers over Deckard’s car.


POLICEMAN

This sector's closed to ground traffic. What are you doing here?


DECKARD

I'm working. What are you doing?


POLICEMAN

Arresting you, that's what I'm doing.


DECKARD

I'm Deckard, blade runner. Two sixty-three-fifty-four. I'm filed and monitored.


POLICEMAN

Checking. Okay, checked and cleared. Have a better one!


Deckard calls Sebastian's apartment. 



PRIS

Hello?


DECKARD

Hi, is J. F. there?


PRIS

Who is it?


DECKARD

Uh, this is Eddie, an old friend of J. F.'s.



Pris hangs up. 


DECKARD

Ooh. That's no way to treat a friend.



CUT TO:

INT. BRADBURY BUILDING - SEBASTIAN’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM

Pris just came back into bed from answering the vid-phone. Chew is smoking a cigarette. She takes his cigarette and takes a drag from it, then replaces it back between his lips.

 

CHEW

Who was on the phone, J.F.?


PRIS

No. It was a friend of his named Eddy. I hung up on him.


CHEW

Good girl. 


Although they just finished having sex only moments ago, they look at each other; a cue to go another round. 


CHEW

Wanna try something new?


PRIS

What did you have in mind, Chewy?


CHEW

 Wait here!


Chew slips out of bed and then quickly returns with an Orgasma Mask.


CHEW

Here, try this on. I modified it. Guaranteed to bring you the best of the best multiple-orgasms.



CUT TO:

INT: THE BRADBURY - STAIRWELL


Deckard enters the Bradbury building. Overhead, seen through the skylight, instead of seeing the advertising blimp, we see the Mother Ship from the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind. We hear the five-tone motif soundtrack to go along with it.  


 


Deckard enters J.F. Sebastian’s apartment. He searches around the rooms with his blaster in hand. We see Jake Tucker sitting in a chair as one of J.F’s toys. 

Deckard’s looking around. He hears sounds; the various automated toys, Pris and Chew giggling, etc. 




CUT TO:

INT. BRADBURY BUILDING - SEBASTIAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM


Taking a brief break himself, as Pris is starting to enjoy the Orgasmo mask, Chew reaches for a glass of red wine on the nightstand, inadvertently closing off the oxygen supply to the mask. Pris begins to choke for air and spasms. Chew thinks that she’s just really getting into her orgasm. Once she stops moving, Chew then becomes concerned. 


CHEW

Pris, are you alright? Oh, great! She fell asleep on me! That bitch. Hey!


Chew removes the mask then sees that she’s not breathing. Realizing that she’s dead, he accidently spills the wine on her. 

He gathers up his clothes and sneaks off. 

Roy comes up the elevator, (as Chew is sneaking down the stairway.)

Roy enters the apartment. As he walks by the open bedroom door, he finds Pris lying there dead. 

Roy is beginning to show signs of decline; legs cramping, and he begins to limp.

As he walks further into the apartment, Deckard fires at him.



ROY

                  Not very sporting to fire on an unarmed opponent. I thought you were supposed to be good? Aren't you the man?!


Deckard listens to Roy's voice, trying to figure out where he is. Deckard moves deeper into the apartment, blaster in hand. Deckard hears his voice coming closer. Sounds like he's in the next room. Deckard cautiously moves with his back up against the wall, step by step. Then suddenly Roy punches a hole through the wall, and tries to grab a hold of Deckard, but misses. 


DECKARD

Ha-ha, you missed!


Roy takes another stab, but misses again. Deckard sticks his tongue out and laughs. Then, on the third try, Roy grabs a hold of Deckard’s leg and pulls it in through the wall to him. 


ROY

Proud of yourself, little man?


Roy begins to break two of Deckard’s toes.

ROY

 This is for Zhora! 


DECKARD

Augh!


ROY

And this is for Pris.


DECKARD

Augh!


Roy releases Deckard’s leg.


ROY

Come on, Deckard. I’m right here! But you’ve got to walk straight.



Deckard stands up and then walks into the wall. Then he fires a shot at Roy through one of the holes in the wall, getting him in the ear.


ROY

Straight doesn't seem to be good enough! Now it's my turn. I'm gonna give you a few seconds before I come. One, two, three...


Deckard takes off. Roy pays his last respects to Pris. Then the chase begins. 


ROY

{Singing} 

I'm coming!



In a blue of lightning-like action, Batty whips down the hall, zigzagging off the walls, hunting down Deckard.


ROY

Four, five; how to stay alive! 


Roy howls like a wolf on the hunt. Then he sees Deckard from afar.


ROY

I can see you! 


Deckard manages to stagger to another room. He looks up at the decaying ceiling and sees an opening. He then he climbs up an armoire, using it as a ladder. But, when he gets close to the top,  he accidently dropped his shoe. He hasn't got the time or strength to go back for it. So he climbs up through the ceiling to the room above.

The room is a bathroom. Deckard takes this time to catch his breath and to pop his toes back in place and bandage them up the best he can.

Roy's body is beginning to fail him. His legs are stiffening up.


ROY 

{Grasping legs}

 Not yet. Not...


In order to stimulate his nerves, Roy sees a large nail sticking out of the floor. He then steps on it as hard as he can. It goes straight through his foot. This revitalizes him–feeling the pain–knowing he’s alive. 

Roy hears Deckard in the next room. So he smashes his head through the wall to surprise Deckard.


ROY

Here’s Johnny!


DECKARD

Johnny? I thought your name was Roy?


ROY

It is. I’m just making a connection between this movie and The Shining. First of all, the actor who played the role of Lloyd in The Shining, Joe Turkel, also played Dr. Eldon Tyrell in this movie.  And, at the end of the theatrical release of Blade Runner, Stanley Kubrick gave Ridley Scott some unused footage from The Shining to use at the end, when–


Deckard pulls a radiator pipe from the floor and hits Roy over the head with it.


DECKARD

Spoiler alert!


Roy gets his head out of the wall and then enters the room Deckard’s in. 


ROY

That’s the spirit!


DECKARD

Uh-oh.


Deckard drops the pipe and runs out of the room.


DECKARD (V.O.)

This is insane. It’s madness! He toys with death like it’s a game. But time is on my side. And soon his life will come to an end.



With nowhere else to run, Deckard busted through a boarded up window. Then he painfully walked on the edge of the building’s ledge.

Batty walks into the room and looks out the window at Deckard and starts to laugh.


BATTY

Where are you going?


Deckard continues his climb up over the building’s gargoyle, to the safety of the rooftop. 

Roy has now lost his ability to walk. So he finds an old wheel chair, stacked amongst the kipple, and uses it to continue to pursue Deckard on the rooftop.

Seeing Roy, Deckard then attempts run and jump onto the rooftop of the next building. But he comes short of it and is hanging on for his life to a support beam.

Roy uses a ramp to fly from one rooftop to the other. He gets a long starting run and then easily makes the jump, crash landing on a pigeon/dove.

Roy crawls over to Deckard and peers down at him from the rooftop.  


ROY

Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave.


There is a fly buzzing around Deckard’s face. He tries blowing it away, but fails. He lost his grip and began to drop to the ground below until Roy drops down the leg–with the nail in his foot–to Deckard. Deckard grabs a hold onto the nail and Roy lifts him to safety.


ROY

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die.


Roy stiffens up, spasms and dies. His final death spasm frees the pigeon/dove from under the wheel chair and it flies away. 


DECKARD (V.O.)

He went quickly. Almost as if someone had yanked the plug out of his synthetic life. In a way, that’s what did happen. Thanks to Tyrell. And I thought the Nexus 5 were too real. But these sixes are almost us. 


On the roof of the Bradbury, Gaff lands his spinner. He steps out to greet Deckard.   



GAFF

You've done a man's job, sir. I guess you're through, huh?


DECKARD

Finished.


Gaff tosses Deckard his other shoe. 


GAFF

It's too bad she won't live. But then again, who does?


Deckard stopped at the hospital on his way back to his apartment for a quick bandaging up of his foot. He is now using a cane to assist in his walking until his toes heal up.


CUT TO:

INT. DECKARD'S APARTMENT - FOYER


As Deckard approaches his apartment door, he notices it's a jar. He draws his blaster and opens the door wider. And he calls for Rachael.


DECKARD

Rachael? Rachael? Rachael?

CUT TO:

INT. DECKARD'S APARTMENT


Deckard finds her asleep on his bed. He wakes her.


DECKARD

Do you love me?


RACHAEL

I love you.


DECKARD

Then trust me?


RACHAEL

I trust you.


They quickly pack their bags and cautiously head out the door. As they exit Deckard’s apartment, Deckard slips on something, injuring his other leg. He lies injured on the floor. 


RACHAEL

Let me help you.


In the hallway, by the far wall, she sees a wheel chair. She gets it. In the meantime, Deckard looks at the bottom of his shoe to find a sheep-shaped poop. We hear Gaff’s voice-over from what he said earlier on the rooftop to Deckard. 


GAFF

{From memory)

It's too bad she won't live. But then again, who does?


Rachael helped Deckard up off the floor and into the wheel chair. They both entered the elevator and headed for Deckard's car parked in front of the building.


DECKARD (V.O.)

I walked the line one last time. And now, I’ll be gone–long gone. We'll leave this madness behind. And make a better life for us. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. But who was I fooling?



CUT TO:
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE (MONTAGE) - DAY                        

Deckard's car is skimming over the narrow highway. He and Rachael are in the front seat.  Except for the occasional glance, their faces are still and quiet in the cold shine of an icy dream.

The clouds overhead are soft and swift.


DECKARD (V.O.)
                  She wanted to go to a place I knew. Out of the city. Like one of those pictures she saw where there were trees but no buildings.


Rachael's face in the window watching the woods stream by.


DECKARD (V.O.)
                  We had a good time. She told me a funny story and I taught her a song. A song about monkeys and elephants. And it made us laugh so hard we couldn't sing.


CUT TO:

EXT. WOODS (MONTAGE) - DAY                    

Rachael is pushing Deckard in his wheel chair. The land lays white and hushed before them down an aisle of maples and beeches. The frosty light slanting through the clean, hard limbs. The crisp, blue-white snow underfoot, and wheels, melted through in spots exposing soggy patches of rich brown earth. Rachael stops and faces him. Her lips are parted, her warm breath turning the cold air to vapor. Looking lithe and fragile by these barren-rooted trees, she stands in the crisp white snow looking at Deckard. Nothing in her retreats, even now her eyes insist on knowing.


CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS - DAY                                     

Deckard is wheeling himself over the snow. Alone. He wheels slowly, mechanically through the cold, unaffected by it. His gaunt face, empty of expression except for the tears running down his pale cheeks. But for the SQUEAK of wheelchair over the crusted snow, there is no sound. And Deckard recedes into the silence of the freezing white landscape.

CUT TO:

EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT                                    

Deckard's car, solid, THROBBING, GUNNING along like some metal animal. Headlights piercing the dark of the long, flat road. WHISTLING speed of air and tires spinning THRUM. And then silence. And the silence astounded by the CRACK OF A GUN.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - NIGHT                                       

Deckard is behind the wheel, face in shadow, eyes staring straight ahead.


DECKARD (V.O.)
I told myself over and over again, if I hadn't done it, they would have. I didn't go back to the city, not that city, I didn't want the job. She said the great advantage of being alive was to have a choice. And she chose. And a part of me was almost glad. Not because she was gone but because this way they could never touch her.

As for Tyrell -- he was murdered, but he wasn't dead. For a long time I wanted to kill him. But what was the point? There were too many Tyrells. But only one Rachael. Maybe real and unreal could never be separated. The secret never found. But I got as close with her as I'd ever come to it. She'd stay with me a long time. I guess we made each other real.


And the ruby lights of Deckard's car disappear into the darkness.
        
        
        
       
CUT TO:

 

INT. THE DRUNKIN CLAM - EVENING


PETER

The end.


JOE

Wow, Peter that was so film noir!


CLEVELAND

Yeah, Peter. That was certainly a different take on the movie Blade Runner. But I don't know if it would have done any better at the box office than the original though.


PETER

Oh? And why not?


CLEVELAND

It was still a dark and depressing movie, if not more so. I think that the movie goers of the early eighties needed something uplifting, like E.T


QUAGMIRE

I don't know. I kinda liked it. I'll have to get me one of those orgasmic gizmos! 


JOE

And you had Deckard kill Rachael. He loved her. But he also knew that she was a replicant, and illegal. 


PETER

That's what makes it a film noir.


 CLEVELAND

It's too bad she won't live.


JOE

 But then again, who does?


The guys finish their beers and then head out to their cars.


CUT TO:

EXT. THE DRUNKIN CLAM - EVENING - RAINING

Peter gets into his car. He starts it and turns the windshield wipers on. We are now in Deckard's ground car. And we see Peter as Deckard once again.


CUT TO:

EXT. DECKARD'S APARTMENT BUILDING - RAINING

He pulls up to his apartment building. Gets out of his car and runs through the rain to the building's entrance.


CUT TO:

INT. DECKARD'S APARTMENT

Deckard enters his apartment. He finds Rachael lying in his bed. He wakes her. 

DECKARD

Do you love me?


RACHAEL

I love you.


DECKARD

Then trust me?


RACHAEL

I trust you.


CUT TO:

INT. DECKARD'S BUILDING - FOYER

Deckard and Rachael exit the apartment. Deckard presses the elevator button and wait for it to reach their floor. 


CLEVELAND 

(memory)

It's too bad she won't live.


JOE 

(memory)

 But then again, who does?


Deckard nods. The elevator door slides open and a unicorn steps out. Deckard and Rachael saddle it up and then fly off the balcony and take to the sky over a beautiful mythical landscape.


CUT TO:


BLACK SCREEN - ROLL CAST CREDITS



Cast:
 
Rick Deckard - Peter Griffin
Roy Batty - Joe Swanson 
Captain Harry Bryant - Stewie Griffin
Dr. Hannibal Chew - Glenn Quagmire 
Gaff - Brian Griffin
Dave Holden - Tom Tucker
Leon Kowalski - Mayor West
Taffey Lewis - James Woods
Pris - Bonnie Swanson
Rachael - Lois Griffin
J.F. Sebastian - Chris Griffin
Dr. Eldon Tyrell - Carter Pewterschmidt
Zhora - Carol (Pewterschmidt) West
Kaiser Wilhelm - Cleveland Brown
Bear - Tim the Bear (From The Cleveland Show)
Darryl - Herbert
Street vendor at Animoid Row - Ash (From Alien)
Abdul Ben Hassan - Ollie Williams
Howie Lee - Genghis Khan
Louie - Horace
Street vendor in the Fourth Sector: Seamus 
Tyrell's Owl - Meg Griffin


CREW CREDITS


Then Meg Griffin comes on the screen, (still during the credits), and does a parody of Stuttering John’s rant at the end of the movie Private Parts.


 

MEG

Hi. You know who I am? I’m Meg Griffin. You know why I’m pissed? I’ll tell you why. I’ve been a part of Family Guy for twelve years. And you’d think that they’d give me a bigger role in this movie. But no, they don't. I've been here for twelve years in a perpetual mode of humiliation. I've been farted on, shot at, and even branded! And what do I get? I get fucking nothing! That’s what I get! I don’t even get one line in this fucking movie! Opie, a fucking retard, gets a fucking line! They say I’ll be in the sequel. Yeah, what sequel!? If the movie really sucks, then there won’t even be any sequel! And who’s going to really get this episode anyways? Just a handful of geeks and nerds living in their mothers’ basement! That's who!






  

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C.A. Chicoine,
Aug 6, 2012, 11:23 AM