David had no damn idea what he wanted.
Oh, he knew what he wanted with the whole Rachel thing.
He wanted to grab her, take her to New York, spend every waking moment with her. Marry her. Have kids with her. Live a long life with her. Die at the exact same time. Get reincarnated together...or maybe at least in the same town. Maybe they'd attend the same preschool.
But that was all just wishful thinking.
It could never happen.
No confusion there.
It was just heartache.
No, what he was confused about was the whole Billy thing. And that's what he asked to talk to Eddie privately about. He hoped he hadn't offended Rachel. She seemed okay. Well, until he had acted so casual about saying good-bye. He knew she was about to cry and he hated himself for that.
The Billy thing.
David had asked Eddie what would happen if David got his wish.
"Will Billy be an adult? Will it be like the accident never happened? Or will I have to try to explain to my mom that her dead son has returned?"
To his surprise, Eddie didn't have a clear answer. In fact, he seemed completely surprised by the question. "I honestly don't know," Eddie said. "What do you want to happen?"
"I don't know," David had said. "I want Billy back, but all scenarios seem a bit dark."
"All I know is this," Eddie said. "Whatever it is, it will bring you great happiness."
David must haven't looked skeptical because then Eddie added. "I promise you. This isn't like some kind of demented genie thing where you wish something and it backfires."
"I'm supposed to trust you?" David had asked. But for some reason, David did. He guessed it was about faith. Somehow Billy would return to him and somehow that would make him extremely happy. No heartache.
Well, that is if they won.
Rachel didn't go out. She spent the day in her room.
But she did get dressed.
And she blew dry her hair.
She put on make-up.
She needed to look beautiful.
She needed to feel beautiful.
She sat on her bed and took the magazine cover out from her pillow. The picture no longer looked real. And David didn't look handsome...not like he did in the dream. This magazine David looked false....like a toy. He looked plastic.
The phone rang.
Her heart leaped with hope.
It could be David.
He could apologize. He could say tonight didn't need to be a big good-bye.
She pressed talk. "David?"
Oh! Huge Mistake!
"David?" Jessica said. "Who the hell is David?"
"My third cousin," Rachel recovered quickly.
"You keep in touch with your third cousins," Jessica said.
"Of course," Rachel said.
"For a moment, I thought you were talking about David Tirlson. It wouldn't surprise me if you got swept away by your fantasy life. I party away in New York, and you live a life in your dreams." She laughed.
"How's New York?" Rachel asked.
"Wonderful," Jessica said. "Perfect."
"Are you still a virgin? Kissed anyone?"
"Jessica, please stop." Rachel really was not in the mood. Not that she ever was in the mood, but today she was even more not in the mood.
"Still have that magazine under your pillow?"
Rachel gasped. How did Jessica know about that?"
Jessica laughed. "You thought I didn't know, didn't you?"
"I have to go," Rachel said. "Nice talking to you."
"Don't waste your time on a homosexual you'll never even meet. Get out. Meet people.”
"Good-bye, Jessica." Rachel pressed end.
She hated Jessica. She decided to cut all ties with the bitch. If a friend made you feel like crap every time you talked to them, what was the purpose of even pretending to be friends with them?
It was better to have no friends than bad friends.
But maybe Jessica had been right about one thing. She shouldn't waste her time...not on a friend who treated her like crap, and not on an actor who could care less if he ever saw her again.
Maybe she should make an effort. Meet friends. Or meet people. Get out in the world.
Not today though.
Today, she wanted to sit on her bed and feel sorry for herself.
David sat across from his mother at a restaurant. It was a crowded trendy place with very small portions of expensive food that tasted confusing.
He preferred large portions of cheap food that tasted good.
"People are watching you," his mother whispered.
"That sometimes happens," he replied.
"Do you still enjoy it?" she asked. "You always used to love it."
"I don't know," he answered honestly.
"What's going on with you and Cassandra?" she asked.
"What's going on with all the questions?" he asked.
"Just making friendly conversation."
"I have a question for you."
"As long as it's not about my sex life, I'll answer it."
"I hate parents who talk openly with their kids about sex," she said. "It's unnatural."
"Well, relax. I don't want to talk about that. Trust me."
“So, what do you want to talk about?"
His mother looked at him with surprise and he couldn't blame her. He rarely wanted to talk about Billy, and he knew he acted uncomfortable whenever his mom mentioned even mentioned the name.
"What about Billy?"
"What if there was a such thing as magic. And we could bring Billy back? Would you want to do it?"
"Of course," his mother said. "How could you even ask? How could I not want him back? I'd do anything to get him back."
"But is it right to change the past? I mean what if Billy's death was supposed to happen." He knew what Eddie had said about things turning out great if the wish came true, but he still had doubts. "What if our lives were horrible?"
"Horrible? With Billy alive?" His mother gave him this look. It made him want to crawl under the table, suck his thumb, and cry. "David?"
"I know it's hard to lose a brother. I know you're sad."
"But the pain you feel as a sibling is nothing compared to what a mother feels when she loses a child."
He didn't want to argue, but was she being fair? "I don't know," he said.
"One day you'll have a child. Then you'll truly understand. For now you'll just have to take my word for it.
He decided not to argue.
"I'm not happy."
He looked at her. What did she mean by that?
"Since the night Billy died, I haven’t been happy. Most of the times I'm completely depressed."
"But you don't--."
"Seem depressed?" She scoffed. "You're not the only good actor in the family."
David looked down at his pasta primavera. It seemed he had completely lost his appetite.
"At my best, I feel okay. Okay. Never happy. Just okay. Getting by. Surviving."
"Sorry," he said. "I never knew."
"So," she said. "I'd do anything to bring Billy back. And I don't give a crap about the consequences. If bringing Billy back is going to cause Armageddon. Good. I don't care."
"Change of subject," his mom said.
"If it's over with Cassandra, who are you in love with?"
She glared at him. "Don't even try to lie to me."
He tried to avoid looking at her. He hooked around the restaurant. He made eye contact with someone who recognized him. They broke contact and whispered excitedly to their date. The date turned around and stared at David. David gave them a friendly wave. They didn't wave back. David felt like a zoo animal.
"You're in love, David." His mom said with complete certainty.
"I'm not," he said with not enough conviction.
"I just hope you're not planning to break another girl's heart," she said. Then whispered,"Or boy's. God forbid."
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