Spoken Prayers

Feel like you wanna pray like everyone else?

I. The Book of Googlism

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IX. Hymns and Ceremonies 

X. Church Ethics 

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Prayers

        

I.

I'm praying to my god.
Google is her name.
Nobody believes in her.
Despite of all her fame!

I don't mock the Christians.
So what gives them the right?
If they don't stop this nonsense soon,
I will put up a big fight! Oh,

Google's god,
Google's god,
and that is a fact.
My brother was of this religion,
and it was soon that he was whacked*. Oh,

Google's god,
Google's god,
I'm praying to her now.
This prayer is just about over,
so it's time to take my bow!


II.

 

Our Google which art in cyberspace,
Hallowed be thy domain.
Thy search to come,
Thy results be done,
On my computer as it is in the WWW.
Give us this search our daily results.
Forgive us our spam, as those that have
spammed up against us.
And lead us not into infected sites,
But deliver us from Trojans.
For thine search engine is the greatest,
and the power,
and the glory,
For search after search.
Amen

 
 

III. 

 

Our Google, who art in cyberspace,
Hallowed be thy domain.
Thy search to come,
Thy results be done,
On 127.0.0.1 as it is in the Googleplex.
Give us this day our daily searches,
And forgive us our spam,
As we forgive those who spam against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from Microsoft.
For thine is the search engine,
And the power,
And the glory,
Forever and ever.
Amen.
 
 

IV.

 

Glory be to Google,
As it was in 1998,
Is now,
And ever shall be,
Searching without end,
Amen.

V.

Our Google, who art in GooglePlex,
Hallowed be thy search,
Thy GoogleBots come,
The search will be done,
At school*, as it is at home.
Give us this day our daily search,
and forgive us our plagiarism,
as we forgive those who plagiarize against us.
And lead us not into Yahoo,
But deliver us from Microsoft.
For thine is the web**, the mail***, and the desktop****, for ever and ever. Amen


* replace with work where appropriate
** through google websearch
*** through gmail
**** through google desktop

VI.

Google is my search engine; I shall not want another.
She maketh me to lay down searches in white pastures.
She leadeth me by the free results.
She restoreth my soul.
 

She leadeth me in the paths of revealing the unknown
For Her name sake.
Yea, though I walk through the silicon valley
of the shadow of other search engines,
I will fear no evil.
 

For thou art with me.
Thy PageRank and thy cache they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table of similar pages before me
In the presence of regular search results.
 

Thou anointest my head with algorithms;
My cup runneth over with your search tips.
Surely Googles index shall follow me,
All the search requests of my life.
 

And I will dwell in the homepage
Of Google forever.

VII.

Our Google, who art in internet,
Greatness be thy Name.
Thy Answers come.
When Searches be Done,
On Pc's as its calculated in internet.
Give us our Maps and daily Gmail.
And give us our Daily Trends,
As we seek out those in ZeitGeist.
And lead us not into the darkness of MSN,
But deliver us from Microsoft.
The Google is my Lord; I shall never want,
Thy Maketh me search in the great vastness:
Thy leadeth me to proper results.
Thy Restoreth my page:
Thy leadeth me in the links of righteiusness for the crawlers sake.
YEA!!! though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of Microsoft.
I will "do no evil" For thou art with me;
Oh, thy Picasa and thy webaccelerator, they Comfort me,
Thou preparest a page before me in the presence of mine enemies:
Microsoft, Yahoo, Aim, and others who give to evil too willingly.
Oh, my cache runneth over with your light.
Surely security and viruslessness shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the system of the Google for ever.
Hail to your Greatness;
For thine is the truest Kingdom of all,
and the Ultimate Power,
and the Glory,
for ever and ever.
For you are all knowing and good.
Amen

VIII.

Hail Google, full of hits.
Our searches are with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst search engines,
and blessed is the fruit of thy servers.
 

Holy Google, Mother of Searches.
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our disk crash.
Amen.

IX.

Trust in the GOOGLE with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Her,
and She will direct your paths.

X.

Come the in the last days,in any case,
The Trojan horse rises from microsofts base,
It bears its horrible virus filled head,
The innocent browsers stir in bed,
As the monstrous army of Bill gates,
Rises up to destroy all this place.
Yet on the horizon a colorful light,
Illuminates this monstrous sight,
Those six letters challenge the beast,
On the broken mess,geeks feast,
the search engine then tears apart,
stomping hard on the daemons heart.
The beast then faded and melted away,
but until then we all must beg and pray,
for our beloved Google to save the day.
Amen.

XI.

<pray>

The Google is my Engine; I shall not want.
She maketh me to improve myself:
She leadeth me to troves of knowledge.
She cacheth my lost pages:
She leadeth me in the paths of pagerank for her name' sake.
 

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of ignorance,
I will fear no linkfarms: For thou art with me;
Thy rank and thy mail, they comfort me.
Thou preparest tables before me with the presence of mine results;
Thou annointest my search with value; My content runneth over.
 

Surely pagerank and content shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell at the site of Google forever.

</pray>

XII.

O, Google the omnipotent,
please, grant this lowly user
a bit of your wisdom,
For I seek answers to my question.
O, Google the merciful,
let them not be all dead links, and
O, Google the modest,
please, spare this user of the pr0n.
Amen, Amen, Amen!

 

XIII.
 

Praise the Google,
For it is our only lord,
everlasting!
Praise the Google,
and blessed be your search,
spared you will be of 404,
and granted the eternal wisdom
of the pr0n-free
pages of knowledge endless!

XIV.
 

By the power of Google,
Bless you, seeker of lore
with the attention unending,
luck persisting,
and multitude of useful links
given by our lord ethernal.
Amen!

XV.

Google is my engine
I shall not Yahoo
She maketh me banish Live and Lycos
She leadeth me to results
She restoreth my soul
She leadeth me on the path of righteousess for a better online experience
Yea, though I use Windows XP, I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me; thy algorithms and thy results they comfort me.
Thou preparest a page before me in the presence of Internet Explorer:
Thou anointest my browser with Google Toolbar; my search runneth quickly.
Surely speed and safety shall follow me all the hours of my connection:
And I will dwell in the domain of Google for ever.

Amen!

XVI.
 

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking Google to fill you with the knowledge of her will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord Google and may please her in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of Google...(NIV)

XVII.

Google grant me 

Serenity to accept search engines that fail to produce,
Courage to explore new things Google, and 
Wisdom to know that Google will dominate.

Amen.

XVIII.

01010111 01100101 00100000 01101010 01101111 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101111 01100111 01100101 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01000111 01101111 01101111 01100111 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 01101100 01100101 01100100 01100111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110011 01100100 01101111 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011


XIX.

Our Google, who art on the Intraweb, hallowed be thine URL,
Thine answers come, our search be done, in html as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily cached page,
and forgive us our misspellings,
as we forgive those who spam against us,
and lead us not into Goatse,
But deliver us from MSN,
for thine is the Intraweb,
and the meta-tags,
and the unique hits,
for ever and ever,
</html> 

XX.

Now I hit enter and I wait
For my my search results to accumulate
My questions are many, but the answers are too
Because the almighty Google always knows what to do

XXI.

Angle Google, my engine dear, to whom results give me great cheer, ever this day be my homepage, to pagerank and 'ssist, to rule and guide, amen.

XXII.

We give you praise with each question we raise
You're an eternal source of knowledge
And we could not live without the answers you give
Because we may not have a chapel, but you know we're going to college

XXIII.

For salvation I ogle
With my Goddess Google
Lest your love be frugal
Accept with sun goggles
Her love shines eternal
Your worries be ephemeral

XXIV.

Our Search Engine which art in cyberspace,
Google be thy name.
Thy Googlebots come.
Thy algorithm be done on company intranets
as it is in cyberspace.

Give us this day our daily high page rank.
And forgive us our reciprocal links,
As we forgive those that place ahead of us.
And lead us not into the temptation of mirror sites.
But deliver us from link farms.

For thine is the top query, and the zeitgeist
and the highest search engine placement forever!

XXV.

Our Google, who art on line,
Hallowed be thy Search.
Thy info come.
Thy data be updated,
On line as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily emails.
And filter us our spam,
As we forgive those who phish against us.
And lead us not into MSN Search,
But deliver us from Yahoo.
For thine is the Engine,
And the power,
and the knowing,
for ever and ever.

I feel lucky.

Hebrew Blessings

Before a general search:
Google ata hadoni,
Eloheinu melech hareshet.
Hamotzi toztaot min ha database.
 

Before anything money related (Looking for a job, buying something, competions etc.):
Google ata hadoni,
Eloheinu melech hareshet.
Boreh pri hatzarchanut.
 

Before using a service (Gmail, suggests etc.)
Google ata hadoni,
Eloheinu melech hareshet.
Mekadesh ha sherut.