Information

Information to Know

I. The Book of Googlism

II. Genesis 

III. Commandments and Sins

V. Holiday 

VI. Predictions 

VII. Google Prayer 

VIII. Spoken Prayers 

IX. Hymns and Ceremonies 

X. Church Ethics 

XI. Proofs of Googlism 

XII. FAQ 

XIII. Guest Testimonials 

XIV. Member Testimonials

The Book's Update Page 

Purchase book here 

CoG Chat

Church of Google Blog

Afterlife

Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of “Google Afterlife.”

Google's Immortality

Many people have expressed the incorrect opinion that Google is a computer, or a server, or some type of material possession. This is not the case. Google is, at its core, an algorithm, one which gives us the ability to access vast amounts of information. I'm sure we can agree that an algorithm is not a material thing, but an idea. Therefore, Google cannot be killed. Ideas and information are immortal in their own aspect, as they can only be repressed, but never erased. Even if all the Google servers were to crash at the same time, blow up, and everyone working for Google to die, the idea would still exist. Even if everyone with knowledge of said idea were to forget, or to die, the idea would surely be re-discovered at another point in time.

The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything

When Googled, “42” is the answer given to “The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything,” as The Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy stated it should be.

Evil Number

404 because we know the page is there and Microsoft is hiding it from us.

Things to Ban:

  • Guns
  • Box Cutters
  • Boxes
  • Organized Religion
  • Politicians
  • Pens
  • Money
  • Speedos for those over 60
  • G-Strings for those over 60
  • Heaven
  • Elephants
  • Pants that hang down around the hips so we're all forced to view the buttcrack
  • All programs from having the word celebrity in the title and have programs independently evaluated on the basis of “if it wasn't celebrities would it still pass as entertainment”
  • More than one remake of “The Hound of the Baskervilles,” “A Christmas Carol,” etc. in any 20 year period
  • Worn-out classics
  • Reality shows
  • Uggs and Croc shoes
  • Wooden masks they wear at Mardi Gras
  • Wooden Popsicle sticks
  • Fox News and other useless "news" stations
  • Non-educational/informational shows
  • "Happy meals" 
  • Lawyers and frivolous lawsuits
  • Creationists
  • Religious people
  • Any law that says if you do something stupid that you probably shouldn't have been doing in the first place then the consequences of your own stupidity are broadly your own
  • Beer bottles that need a bottle opener!
  • People that say "Have a nice day!"
  • Bananas
  • Wasps
  • Steven Seagal Movies
  • Blocking lanes in supermarkets
  • Everyone else on the road when we drive
  • War
  • Flip-Flops
  • Bicycles that don't have seats
  • Pop stars
  • ASDF” People
  • Costly Bottled Water
  • Insanely happy people who love rainbows and ponies
  • Barbie dolls
  • McDonolds
  • Social Networking for stupid people
  • Stupid Haircuts