Alternative Definitions

A brand new dictionary.

Yes. Let's take the English language and look at it from a completely different angle. Let's put it askew. And I askew, why not?

Alternative Definition Dictionary

New Entries In Green

Anisotropic:
Annie comes from a sunny climate

Annihilate:
How you greet Ann when she eventually turns up

Array:
The word which always follows 'ip-'ip after you sing 'appy birthday

Assume:
Making an ass out of u and me

Atrium:
Starting to describe a tree when you don't actually know what kind of tree you're describing

Banana:
What baby calls naughty grandma

Burner:
Phrase usually heard directly after "She's a witch!" and "Hanger!"

Copulate:
What to say when the police arrive too late

Decision
The act of uncircumcising a male

Defibrillators:

A device that makes a person unable to tell a lie

Deride:
De ting dat made me sick at de fair

Descent:
De result of Defart

Decide:
Debit between defront and deback

Decidedly:
As above, but incredibly dangerous

Definite:
How you describe a chav with very bad hearing

Deform:
De shape created by de sum of de front, de sides and de back.

Disgruntled:
A pig that's lost it's voice

Distress:
The question most men dread they're partner asking them when all the want to do is get to the damn restaurant and eat some food.

Ejaculate:
How you greet Jack when he eventually turns up

Emulate:
How to greet Em when she eventually turns up

Epilate:
Admittance of being tardy

Establishment:
What you say when you realize the large tablet you just put in your mouth tastes minty

Hanger:
Phrase usually heard directly after "She's a witch!" and before "Burner!"

Hormones:
The sound a prostitute makes either
   a) during sex or
   b) when you refuse to pay for said sex

Maintenance:
The people whose names are on the rent book

Mauritius:
What you say when you decide that the mouthful of food you are eating is delicious

Mental:
Irish cough sweet

Oops:
Dyslexic poos

Oxymoron:
A stupid cow. (A moron of the ox family)

Paella:
Yellow pie

Parapsychology:
The art of thinking about jumping from a plane

Poodle:
A boring poo

PS:
A female pea

PPS:
The opposite of poo-poos

PPPS:
A female pea with a lack of bladder control

Snot:
It isn't

Staircase:
A mental person that won't stop looking at you

Synonym:
To cheat on your male partner

Testicle:
An experiment designed to find out how good a feather is at making people laugh

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