Poetry & Prose‎ > ‎

Escapism

She closed her eyes, shutting out the room, lit solely by the red glow of her lava lamp. Almost instantly her head was filled with images of him. The guy who had filled her mind for every waking moment, and many of those when she had been asleep. Now, lying alone in her bed, she had closed her eyes to prolong the image she had imagined for just a few seconds longer. Opening her eyes again she could still almost see him standing over her, almost feel the soft touch of his lips on her skin. She brushed her fingers over her lips. Imagining they were his fingers on her mouth, imagining they were his lips on her fingertips. Imagining anything to escape the terrible aching loneliness that threatened to envelop her at any moment.

She felt her eyes fill with tears. The ironic thing was, she didn’t even want him anymore. She knew that, yet her heart refused to let go. Her mind refused to forget. He was so wrong for her, in every sense of the word. Even if he wasn’t in love with someone else. Even if he did still want to be with her. He could hurt her too easily. It was just too easy to talk to him, too easy to open up to him, too easy to trust him. She knew, from bitter experience, that within seconds everything could change completely. Too many times he’d taken advantage of her trust. Too many times he’d unknowingly hurt her with his casual mocking of her insecurities. She knew they could never work. She didn’t even want them too anymore. Yet somehow he still managed to fill her every thought.

She was back to square one again, imagining the feel of his lips against hers. Running a hand through her hair, she sunk back against the pillow, pulling her duvet over her head, desperately trying to shut out the images filling her mind but her efforts were in vain. Tossing back the cover, she clicked on the radio in a desperate attempt to escape the images running through her mind. Bad move. She almost groaned aloud as the song playing on the radio filtered through her thoughts. “My All” – Mariah Carey. That song had always reminded her of him but now the feeling was stronger than ever. Not that she needed reminding exactly, but still… the song reminded her of him. Mariah was right though. She would have given her all for a night with him. She grimaced; silently relieved she’d had the sense to keep that particular thought to herself. She hadn’t meant it the way it sounded. All she wanted was to spend a night wrapped in his arms.

Again she pressed her fingers to her lips, imagining it was him. She had been wrong before. She did want him. Wanted him like crazy. But she didn’t fancy him. It could have been anybody, he just happened to be the easiest person to picture. But she knew that wasn’t true either. It was him she wanted, only him. The chemistry was undeniable. He was the only one who could make her skin tingle with just a simple touch. There was no one else that could have such a powerful effect on her senses. And god she wanted him. Wanted to feel his arms around her. Wanted to feel his body pressed against hers. Wanted to feel his lips on her lips, his fingers in her hair, on her neck. She wanted to escape from reality, just for a moment, just for as long as it would take for him to kiss her. But even now she knew that would never be enough, could never be enough. She knew that once he had kissed her, it wouldn’t be the end of it. She knew she would want, crave, another kiss from him. She knew that without a doubt. Her need for him was insatiable.

Covering her face with her hands she took a deep cleansing breath. Cleansing of what, she was unsure, as her head still spun with images of the imagined embrace, but cleansing just the same. With a sigh she reached for the romance novel she had been reading. Her answer to everything. Escapism.

Comments