Favorite Movie Lines:

 

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

"Weeyoo weeyoo weeyoo"

 

Dead Alive

"Your mother ate my dog!"

"Not all of it."

 

Ghostbusters 

"Listen! You smell something?"

 

"I want you inside me."

"Oh... wha... heh heh heh. Go ahead! No, I can't. Sounds like you've got at least two people in there already, might get a little crowded"


Q: "Hey! Where these stairs go?"

A: "They go up." 

 

"Go get her Ray!"

 

"Nimble little minx, isn't she?" 

 

"Well there's something you don't see every day!" 

 

American Beauty
"Look at me jerking off in the shower. This will be the highlight of my day. It's all downhill from here."

"We have a very healthy relationship."

"Oh alright! So shoot me! I was whacking off. That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know... saying hi to my monster."

"Fuck me your majesty!" 

 

Airplane

"Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading. "
"Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
"

 

"Surely you can't be serious. "

"I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."

 

"You ever been in a cockpit before? " 

"No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. " 

"You ever seen a grown man naked?  "

 

The Incredibles

"That was totally wicked!!!" 

 

E.T. The Extraterrestrial

"OK, he's a man from outer space and we're taking him back to his spaceship."

"Well, can't he just beam up?"

"This is reality Greg."

 

Lathe of Heaven
"You know what they say... neurotics build castles in the sky and psychotics live in them"
"And psychiatrists collect the rent."

 

Star Wars

"Someone's gotta save our asses!"


Star Wars: Attack of the Clones

"She can't do that! Shoot her... or something."

 

John Carpenters The Thing

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

 

When Harry met Sally

"You made her meow?!"

 

"I'll have what she's having." 

 

Benny and Joon
"Joon called. She says you've run out of tapioca."
"She what?"
"Oh... and the police will corroborate."

 

Falling Down

*vomit*

"It looks like we have a critic." 

 

"Five!"


"Now you're going to die wearing that stupid little hat. How's that feel?"

 

"Maybe if it was in fucking English I could fucking read it!"

 

Black Rain

“I speak fucking English!”

 

Thelma and Louise

"Tell her you miss her and are happy to hear from her...women love that sorta shit"

 

Blade Runner

"That hurt. That was irrational of you, not to mention unsportsmanlike."

 

Full Metal Jacket

Q: "I wanna stick my tube steak in your sister. What'll you take in trade?"

A: "Whaddya got?"

 

"I wanted to see exotic Viet Nam, the jewel of southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture and... kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill."

 

"I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would  fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach around!"

 

"Bullshit! I'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!"

 

The Princess Bride
"He didn't fall?! Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"When I was your age, television was called books."

 

Groundhog Day

"Don't drive angry"

 

sex, lies and videotape

"Drive safe."

"Yeah whatever!"

 

Quick Change

"It's bad luck just seeing a thing like that."


A Fish Called Wanda

"It's kih kih kih Ken he's going to kih kih kih kill me."

 

Ice Age

"I don't like this cat. He reads minds."

 

"All the sensitive ones get eaten."


Caddyshack

"That's a nice beaver you have there."


"You make me feel like 50 bucks."


Wanted: Dead or Alive

The next time you want to fuck me in the ass, kiss me first."

 

Galaxy Quest

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

"Let's hit it with a rock and eat it."

 

Don't Look in the Basement 

"There will other times for the times for other things."


Mystery Men

"Until you learn to master your rage..."

"...your rage will become your master, right? That's what you were going to say isn't it?"

"Not necessarily."


The World According to Garp

"Garp bit Bonky!"

 

Silent Movie

"Non!"


Aliens

Q: "Hey Vasquez... have you ever been mistaken for a man?"

A: "No... have you?"


Alien Resurrection

"So who's a girl gotta fuck in order to get off this ship?"

 

"Intruder on level one. All aliens please proceed to level one."

 

The Time Machine

"...so help me... I'll resequence your DNA!" 

 

Idiocracy
"Shit! I thought there was two of you."

 

"Do we really need to hype everything?"

 

Pulp Fiction

"You know I'm kinda tired, I could use a foot massage myself."


Lilo and Stitch

"Punch controls the weather."

 

Bicentennial Man

Q: "Why can't blind people skydive?"

A: "It scare's the dog."

 

The Exorcist

"Your mother's here with us... would you like to leave a message?"

 

The Fisher King

"If we would've had horses we would've had his ass."


The Fifth Element

"Now a real killer would have asked about the red button."

 

Grosse Pointe Blank
"Don't kill anybody for for a few days... see what it feels like."

 

"You can never go home again Martin, but I guess you can shop there."

 

Batman: The Movie
"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb."

 

Batman

"It's hard to stay inside the lines."


Ghost Dog

Q: "Is he dead?"

A: "Well he aint' gettin' any older."

 

The Island
"Grim reaper comin' in here with an attitude."

 

"Alright, look, I know you're new to this whole human experience and all, but there's one universal truth, and that is never give a woman your credit 

card."

 

The Giant Spider Invasion
"Sometimes the only way I know you're still alive is when I hear ya flush the toilet."

"I always wondered why you spanked me so much... you could get your jollies."


Tokyo Godfathers
"Okay, so I'm trash, but you're ugly."

 

Predator
"You're... one... ugly... motherfucker"

 

Die Hard
"Yippy kie yay motherfucker."

 

Jaws

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."


Jurassic Park

"Yeah, but when 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists."

 

WARNING: OBJECTS IN MIRROR MAY BE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR

 

"You think they'll have THAT on the tour?"

 

Jurassic Park 2

"It always starts out nice, then later comes the running and screaming." 

 

Barbarella: Queen of the Galaxy

"A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming."

 

Monty Python and the Holy Grail 

"Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

 

"I fart in your general direction."

 

Moonstruck

"What about Johnny?  "You're mad at him, take it out on me, take your revenge out on me."


Godzilla ('98)

"All these guns and we didn't do anything to him."

"That's not true. We fed him."

 

Time Chasers (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
"It looks like there was a war."
"You'll have to take my word for it. We can't afford to show it."

 

Fight Club

"I'd fight William Shatner."

 

Dune

"I will bend like a reed in the wind."

 

Spiderman

"Who am I?  I'm Spiderman."

 

Jewel of the Nile

"Bastards always have brothers."


The Elephant Man

"I'm not an Animal."

 

Cool Hand Luke

"What we have here... is a failure to communicate... with the system."

 

1984

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2 plus 2 equals 4"


Hellraiser 2

"C'mon Kirsty, when you're dead, you're fucking dead"

 

The Saddest Music in the World
"Still no word on condition of Gavrillo the Great. We don't know if he's in a coma or just very, very sad. We'll try to find out as soon as we can. Now a word from Port-Huntley beer."

"Give me more of that fizz."


Not Another Teen Movie

"Can I get a 'Lick my pussy and talk shit?' "

"LICK MY PUSSY AND TALK SHIT!"

"Woohoo!"

 

Wild at Heart

"How'd ya like to take a bite of peach?" 

 

Me, Myself & Irene
"Vagiclean, huh? What's the matter lady, a little extra cheese on the taco?"
"Excuse me."
"Excuse me. There's no tag on this. Price check on vagiclean, aisle five, I repeat, price check on vagiclean, aisle five, that's vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.
*sniffffff* Put a rush on that."


Mars Attacks!

"They just made the international sign of the doughnut!"
 

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

"Could someone please pass the ketchup?"

 

Death Race 2000

"You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, but me, I think you're one very large baked potato."
 

"Now wait a minute. I don't want you to die."  

"It's my life's work."

 

This is Spinal Tap

"You know how most amps go up to 10? Well this one goes up to 11!"

 

Mirrormask

"Look, an idiot!"

"Where? Where?"

 

Eat, Drink, Man, Woman
"Just like me to be practically killed by a fart."  

 

 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"Oh my god!! There's people coming out of your butt!" 

 

The Wizard of Oz

"Oh what a smell of sulphur."


I'm No Angel 

"When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm even better."

 

King Kong (original)
"Yeah... blondes ARE scarce around here."

 

The Big Brawl

"What he's trying to say is that persons of the oriental persuasion aren't indigenous to this propinquity!"

 

Horror at Party Beach

*hahroo hahroo*


Men in Black 

"You're comin' with me." 

"What?"

"It's a long trip... I'll need a snack."

 

M II B

Q: "That come standard?"

A: "Actually it came with a black dude but he kept getting pulled over."

 

"Hey Jay I'll tell you somethin' about dames. They say they wanna be scratched behind the ear, but what they really want is *grrrrrrrr ahh grrrrrrr*"

 

The Big Lebowski

"At least I'm housebroken!"


"Quit complaining! Just what kind of nihilist are you supposed to be anyways?"     

 

Breakfast of Champions

"Go for it big boy! Just go for it!"

 

Blue in the Face
"Get right in there Jimmy."

 

The Warriors

"Can you dig it?!!"

 

"Warriors... come out to playeeeeeeeeeay!"

 

I Shot Andy Warhol

"The male is... nonetheless... obsessed with screwin'. He'll swim a river of snot, wade nostril deep through a mile of vomit, if there's a friendly pussy awatin' him. He'll screw a woman he despises, any snaggletoothed hag, and furthermore, he'll pay for the opportunity."

 

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

"...We believe in equality between the sexes, not the domination of women over men, and there aren't any modern feminists that advocate cannibalism... at least not since the 60s."

 

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"It won't affect me. I'm already a woman."

"He's got a towel!"
"Run away!"

 

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai in the Forbidden Zone

"Laugh while you can monkey boy."

 

"Use more honey."

 

Q: "Where are we going?!"

A: "PLANET 10!"

Q: "When are we going?!"

A: "REAL SOON!"

 

Little Man Tate

Q: "How many fingers?"

A: "Orange."


The Grifters
"Tell me about the oranges Lilly."
"You hit a person with the oranges wrapped in a towel. They get big, ugly looking bruises, but they don't really get hurt, not if you do it right. It's for working scams against insurance companies."
"And if you do it wrong?"
"It can louse up your insides. You can get puh p puh puh puh puh puh puh ..."
"What?!"
"Puh p permanent damage."


Bullets Over Broadway

"You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No... no... not like an oyster. The world will open for you like a magnificent vagina."


Doctor Strangelove

"I can no longer sit back and allow... Communist infiltration... Communist indoctrination... Communist subversion... and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify... all of our precious bodily fluids."


Tank Girl

"It's been swell... but the swelling's gone down"


The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

"I would hardly expect ALIENS, such as yourselves , to have a full grasp of the English language." "Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?"

 

"Dr. Armstrong, in my time, I've seen bears do things even a bear wouldn't do."

 

"With this atmospherium, Betty, mankind can benefit in many ways... many of them good."


Kronos

"You think you'll be able to respect a husband who's probably pulled the scientific boner of all time?"


Fury of the Wolf Man

"This can't be scientific! This can't be scientific!"

 

Battle Warrior

“I’m not scared of black goblins or crack troupes, but… zombies… I can’t take. I  just can’t take zombies”

 

What's up Hideous Sun Demon? (a.k.a. Revenge of the Sun Demon)

"When you opened the blinds, you let some catalyst in."

"Did not!"

 

"Hmm Pivnick... Pivnick... No shit!  I've seen all of your movies!"

"You're IN one of my movies,  jerk."

 

Six-String Samurai
"If I were you, I'd run."
"If you were me, you'd be good lookin'."

 

Mask

"Aren't you due back to the laboratory to get your bolts tightened?!"

 

Plan 9 from Outer Space
"There, you see?!! You're stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

The Giant Spider Invasion
"Eat lead you!"

 

Zardoz
"The gun is good, the penis is evil, the penis shoots seeds."

The Shawshank Redemption
"Maybe I should get a gun and rob the Foodway so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it sorta like a bonus."

 

Galaxina
"What's the matter? We not good enough for you? Space honky!"

"Hey, don't shoot. you may hit the lord."


Tetsuo: The Iron Man
"What the fuck is it?!"

 

Johnny Dangerously

"You  fargin'  ice-a-hole!"

 

Bubba Ho Tepp
"I felt my pecker flutter like a pigeon having a heart attack then lay back down and remain limp and stiff."

 

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

"My problem is I got a fifty year old lust and a three year old dinky."

 

"I don't like the idea of running away with my tail between my legs."

"It's not so bad... once you get used to it."

 

"Dear Jessica, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand, four one thousand..."

 

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

 

Memento

"OK... so what am I doing?  

Oh, I'm chasing this guy. 

No... he's chasing me."

 

Switch
"Do you know how many poor animals had to die to make that coat?"

"Do you know how many rich animals I had to fuck to get this coat?"

 

Android

"Come on Maggie, there's plenty to go around"

 

The Oscar (In response to the question of where she came from:)
"Take one from column A and one from column B... you get an egg roll either way." 

 

Living in Oblivion

"I feel like such an asshole."

"You're only saying that cause you've got Preparation H on your face."

 

"I'm so sick of your shit you Hostess Twinkie motherfucker!!!"

 

(Spoken by a little person acting in a movie scene within the movie)

"Have you ever had a dream with a dwarf in it?! Do you KNOW anyone who's had a dream with a dwarf in it?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I don't even have dreams with dwarves in them! The only place I've seen dwarves in a dream is in stupid movies like this! Make it weird... put a dwarf in it... everyone will go 'Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! There must be a fucking dream there's a fucking dwarf in it!' Well I'm sick of it! You can take this dream sequence and shove it up your ass!!"

 

Schizopolis
"Why don't you just leave me alone?"
"We could do that, of course, but then we'd just have to call somebody else."

 

"You don't have to floss all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep."

 

"Remember, be true to your teeth, and they won't be false to you."

 

"Dear attractive woman #2: Once in my life have I responded to another person in the way I've responded to you, but I've forgotten what it was, or even if it was, in fact, me that responded. I may not know much, but I know that the wind sings your name endlessly, although with a slight lisp that makes it difficult to understand if I'm standing near an air conditioner. I know that your hair sits atop your head as though it could sit nowhere else. I know that your figure would make a sculptor cast aside his tools, injuring his assistant who was looking out the window instead of paying attention. I know that your lips are as full as that sexy French model's that I desperately want to fuck. I know that if I could, for an instant, have you lie next to me, or on top of me, or sit on me, or stand over me and shake, then I would be the happiest man in my pants. I know all of this, and yet you do not know me. Change your life. Accept my love, or, at least let me pay you to accept it. Sincerely, Dr. Jeffrey Korchek.

 

Mighty Aphrodite

Q: "Are you ever frightened that when a guy comes over to your house and pays you that he's gonna, make like, tie you up and kill you?"

A: "Oh no... I always get paid in advance."

 

I'm Gonna Git You Sucka

"Allright Mr. Tough Guy... I remember when you wasn't so tough. I remember when you was ALWAYS callin' for your momma, like the time that little Lois Mitchell girl was kickin' your ass up and down, up and down the school yard, all I could hear was 'Momma! Momma!' Oh yeah, and the time when that, uh, Evans family, those little midgets, was chasin' you home, cause you didn't want to give 'em your lunch money, I could hear your punk ass callin' me a half a mile away 'Mommy help me! Mommy help me!' Now, you don't need me no more, huh? Fine. You don't never hafta worry 'bout me fightin' for you no more."

 

clerk: "May I help you sir?"

customer: "How much for an order of ribs?"

clerk: "Uh, two fifty."

customer: "Two fifty?! How many ribs do I get for that?"

clerk: "Uhhhh, about five."

customer: "Five?! So I guess that's about fifty cents a rib, huh?"

clerk: "Mmm, yeah, about."

customer: "Let me get one."

clerk: "Right on. One order!"

cook: "One order ribs."

customer: "Nah nah, nah nah, one rib."

clerk: "One rib?"

customer: "I sure am hungry."

clerk: "Uh... make that, one, RIB to go."

cook: "One rib?!"

customer: "One rib."

clerk: "What else?"

customer: "You got any soda?"

clerk: "One dollar!"

customer: "Aw, c'mon now, look out for a brother man, c'mon. Hey, check this out. Why don't you let me get a sip for fifteen cents?"

clerk: "My cups cost more than fifteen cents."

customer: Allright, fuck the cup, pour it in my hand for a dime."

clerk: "Look you greasy haired, jerry curl wearin' PAY ME and get the hell outta my store."

customer: "You got change for a hundred?"

 

Do the Right Thing
"...Today's temperature's gonna rise up over 100 degrees so there's a jerry curl alert!"

She's Gotta Have It
"Please baby, please baby, baby, baby, please."

 

Five Easy Pieces
T
o a difficult waitress who refuses to let Bobby get toast because it "isn't on the menu"

Bobby: "I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee."

Waitress: "A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?"

Bobby: "Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."

Waitress: "You want me to hold the chicken, huh?"

Bobby: "I want you to hold it between your knees."

 

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