Thanks to Graham H.
On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.
good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the
waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St Peter said, "I don't know.
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes" he informs the couple "you can get married in Heaven".
"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?
“Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
"You must be bloody joking,” says St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slamming his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest up here.“Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a bloody lawyer?"
Thanks to Lee
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In The Land That Made Me Me
Thanks to Paul S.
Thanks to David H.
Stay Young My Friend
We all need to read this one over and over -
until it becomes part of who we are!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Try everything twice.
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
"Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever...
Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with
6.. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love:
whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips...
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next city, state, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.
And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares?
But do share this with someone.
Remember! Lost time can never be found.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Wine does not make you FAT .....
- it makes you LEAN ......
(Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.)
Thanks to Carol P.
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