And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'
We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches..
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And whine the night away.
We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill..
We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damned old!
Thanks to Joanne J.
It's long been held that pets look like their masters ... but nowadays, they act like them too.
Thanks to Paul S.
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Thanks to David H
A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre..
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothingToulouse
Thanks to Coach
At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion
frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and
large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face
turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus
with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with
the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip
lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of
exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7 Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root
for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white
and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a
change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the
Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's
car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.
Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a
little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she
sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick
and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking
through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus
this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.
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