Sunday Family Humour 5th March Page 2

Free Entertainment and Family Fun Every Sunday


The Wasp Expert

Thanks to Colin H.
Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll 
down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just
Released - New LP - Wasps of the World and the Sounds They Make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on
European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP
you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the
booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Brian, world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten
minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the World expert on European
wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into thebooth, I can let
you have another 10 minutes."

Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the

booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking
his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and
the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant.............

I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."


12 signs that you've had too much to drink

Thanks to Colin H

drunk 1

 
 
drunk 2

 
drunk 3
 

 
drunk 4

 
drunk 5

 
 
drunk 6

 
drunk 7

 
 
drunk 8

 
 
drunk 9


   
drunk 10

 
drunk 11


 
drunk 12
 




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Believe It Or Not

Thanks to Paul S.

Believe It Or Not.ppt



If You need to know everything

Thanks to Paul S.
 
******************************
The liquid inside young coconuts 
can be used as a substitute for
 
Blood Plasma.
 
******************************
No piece of paper can be folded 
in half more than seven (7) times.
Oh , go ahead ... 
 
I'll wait.
 
****************************** *
Donkeys kill more people annually
than plane crashes or shark attacks. 
(So, watch your Ass )
 
****************************** **
You burn more calories sleeping!
than you do watching television.

 
******************************
The first product to have a bar code
was Wrigley's gum.
 
******************************
The King of Hearts 
is the 
only King
 
WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
 
******************************
American Airlines saved $40,000 
in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive 
from each salad served in first-class.
 
******************************
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. 
(Since Venus is normally associated 
with women, what does this tell you?
 
That women are going 
in the
 'right' direction...!
 
****************************** *****
Apples, not caffeine,
are more efficient at 
waking you up in the morning ...
 
****************************** *****
Most dust particles in your house 
are made from
 
DEAD SKIN !
 
****************************** *******
The first owner of the 
Marlboro Company 
died of lung cancer.
 
So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
 
****************************** *******
Walt Disney was afraid 
OF MICE! 
 
****************************** ********
PEARLS DISSOLVE 
IN VINEGAR!
 
****************************** ********
The ten most valuable brand names on earth:
Apple, Coca Cola, Google, IBM, Microsoft, GE, McDonalds,
Samsung, Intel and Toyota , in that order.
 
 
****************************** ***********
It IS possible to lead a cow upstairs   ...
but, NOT downstairs.
 
****************************** **********
A duck's quack doesn't echo, 
and no one knows why. 
 
****************************** *********
Dentists have recommended that 
a toothbrush be kept at least Six (6) feet away 
from a toilet to avoid airborne particles 
resulting from the flush.
 
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!) 
 
****************************** ********
And the best for last.....!
 
Turtles can breathe through their BUTTS!
(I know some people like that, don't YOU?) 

So!
 
Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on......
and go move your toothbrush!  And stop folding that
 
DAMN PAPER!
 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Golf Bloopers

Thanks to Hallsell Books

Golf fails.mp4


  Confusing messages

Thanks to Hallswell Books

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
 
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT



In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS



In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR


Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES


Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS


On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
 
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
 
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
 
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
 
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
 
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
 
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
 
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
 
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
 
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
 
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
 
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
 
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
 
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
 
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
 
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall! Would they make a great basketball team.

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

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