Sunday Family Humour 23rd April Page 2

Free Entertainment and Family Fun Every Sunday


The Wedding

Thanks to John C.
 
 At a wedding ceremony the pastor asked 'if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom.  It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace'. 
 
 
 The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child.  She stood up and started walking slowly towards the pastor.
 
 Everything quickly turned to chaos.
 
 The bride threw the bouquet and burst out crying.
 
 Then slowly the groom's mother fainted.
 
 The Best men started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
 
 The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us, why you came forward “What do you have to say?"
 
 There was absolute silence in the church.
 
 The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back."


  Humorous Quartet

Thanks to Spike
 

Humorous Quartet



Bright Blokes

Thanks to Colin H

Bright Blokes.ppt


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The Story That Moved an Entire Audience

Thanks to Spike

The Story That Moved an Entire Audience



Situations That Put A Smile On Your Face

Thanks to Janice P.

 
Smiley Face 1
 
Smiley Face 2
 
Smiley Face 3
 
Smiley Face 4
 
Smiley Face 5
 
Smiley Face 6
 
Smiley Face 7
 
Smiley Face 8
 
Smiley Face 8
 
Smiley Face 9


Duelling Banjos

Thanks to Colin Hill

YouTube Video


Retirement Choices

Thanks to Tully


Where to Retire 
 
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where
1.  You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2.  You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3.  You can drive for 
an hour in one direction and never leave town.
4.  You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5.  You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6.  The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
 
OR
 
You can retire to California where...
1.  You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2.  The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3.  You know how to eat an artichoke.
4.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 

5.  The four seasons are:  Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
 
OR
 
 You can retire to New York City where...
1   You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.  You think Central Park is "nature."
4.  You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5.  You've worn out a car horn.  (IF you have a car.)
6.  You think eye contact is an act of aggression
 
OR
 
You can retire to Minnesota where... 
1.  You only have three spices:  salt, pepper and ketchup.
2.  Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3.  You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5.  The four seasons are:  almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair. 
6.  The highest level of criticism is "He is different,"  "She is different," or "It was different!"
 
 
 OR
 
 You can retire to The Deep South where... 
1.  You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2  "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3.  "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4.  Everyone has two first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5.  Everything is either:  "in yonder,"  "over yonder"  or "out yonder.
"
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart" at the end!
  OR
 
 You can move to Colorado where... 
1.  You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2.  You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3.  A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4.  The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
 
 
OR
 
You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...  
1.  You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2.  Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3.  You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4.  You end sentences with a preposition;  "Where's my coat at?"
 
  OR
 
FINALLY you can retire to Florida where... 
1.  You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.  All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3.  Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4.  Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5.  Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
 


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