Sunday Family Humour 11th June

Free Entertainment and Family Fun Every Sunday


New Vocabulary

Thanks to Colin H.
Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2017 editions for the work-place vocabulary:

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project
failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then
leaves.

ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.  (This also applies to
applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO.
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.  What yuppies turn into
when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the
kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

XEROX SUBSIDY.
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to
work again.

 ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes. 404 Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. OHNOSECOND That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all') WOOFies. Well Off Older Folk. CROP DUSTING Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.


Trick Shots

Thanks to Joanne J.

Trick Shots


Curious Photos

Thanks to Colin H.

curious photos.PPS


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Talented Walrus Dances To Michael Jackson.mp4


Today's Laugh

Thanks to Connie P
 
funny 1
   
funnies 2

 
Funnies 3
   
funnnies 4

 
Funnies5
   
Funnies 6

 
funnies 6
   
funnies 8

 
funnies 9
   
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funnies 11
   
funnies 12



Three Quick Funnies

Thanks to Joanne J and Colin H

furniure removals





2 cats - 1 milk




Friday Funnies

Thanks to Colin H.

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

I

-------------------------------

I had the toughest time of my life.

 First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis.

 Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.

 Then they gave me hypodermics.

 Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.

 These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.

 I completely lost my memory for a while.

 I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.

 I don't know how I pulled through it.  It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."

 As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your damn ice creams!"

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking.  And then I saw her face...

Bill had been a wild bachelor all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

 "Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your routine of wine, women, and song."

 Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."

 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.  The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

 "But why?" asks the man.

 "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Historians have recently discovered that Annie Oakley, famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister.

The sister, Carrie, gained some renown in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West, but it was not until after her death that she was very widely known.

Today, countless bars are dedicated to Carrie Oakley.

 One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.  Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

 Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling.

 Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, "What do you have in your pocket?"

 "Tennis ball," the man said, smiling back.

 "Wow!" said the woman looking upset.  "That must hurt.  I once had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!"

A tourist on a diving charter off the coast of Florida asks the blond dive master: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

 To which the blond replies: "Think about it!  If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

 Q: How does a lumberjack start his computer?

 A: By Logging On!

 

Q: What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

 A: Board!

 

Q: Why do surgeons wear facemasks?

 A: So if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it.

 

Q: How do you kill a circus troupe?

 A: Go for the juggler.

 

 Q: Why shouldn't you throw plastic bags into the swamps in Louisiana?

 A: Because the bags are not bayou degradable.

 

Q: How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

 A: They Take The Psycho Path.

 


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