n AwardsSunday Family Humour 3rd July Page 2

Free Entertainment and Family Fun Every Sunday

 

65 Year-old Woman

Thanks to Kenneth S.
 
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this)

God replied: “I didn't recognize you."

Karate Kid Jesse

Thanks to Spike

Karate Kid Jesse



Great Photos

Thanks to Bill S.

Great Photos.ppt



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Shaming

Thanks to Ray O'.

 
Shaming 1
  
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Shaming 5
  
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Royal Friesian War Horses

Thanks to Spike

These horses were originally bred as "war horses" in the days of knights and armor. As armor got heavier, bigger horses were needed and the Friesian almost became extinct. They are back and are one of the most beautiful horses in stature as well as gait. What gorgeous animals! Just watching them becomes an emotional experience. Can you imagine what it would be like to ride one? Their manes and tails are the longest that I have seen and I noticed that when performing on grass, their hoofs do not kick up a divot, as they land flat footed. Creatures such as these are what makes this world so special. These horses are native to the Netherlands.
Have your audio on.

Royal Friesian War Horses



Amazing Vehicles

Amazing Vehicles


New Darwin Awards

Thanks to Spike

THE NEW DARWIN AWARDS ARE HERE!!
 
The Darwin Awards are finally out. The annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.
 
This year's winner was a real rocket scientist... HONEST!
 
Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is TRUE.
 
And the nominees were:
 
Semifinalist #1
 
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk... Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
 (How do they know?)
Semifinalist #2
 
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It a appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
 
Semifinalist #3
 
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park , jumped and hit thepavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The lengthof the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
 
Semifinalist #4
 
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
 
Semifinalist #5
 
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter!
 
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
 
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously):
 
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of acurve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but itwas a car.
The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist....Had somehow gotten hold of a JATO bottle (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket)
That is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
 
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
 
 The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds.
 
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F -14 jocks under full afterburners,causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
 
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the
road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
 

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
 
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
 
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
 
AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE ALL AROUND US, BREEDING & VOTING!!!...

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