Sunday Family Humour 31st July Page 2

Free Entertainment and Family Fun Every Sunday


A Policeman Wins One!

Thanks to Spike

https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XyAAJCKrTTY/Vc-1jxyn2xI/AAAAAAAAVPA/g-52HAwnWk0/s1600/Image%255B24%255D.gif

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo !

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole !" 

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?"

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make ?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer ?" 

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir." 

"Aggressive and hostile ?" 

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole ?"

Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.

How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client


Dust Bunnies

Thanks to Joanne J.

Dust Buddies.mp4


Funny Signs

Thanks to Ray

Funny Sign 1

 
Funny Sign 2

Funny Sign 3

 
Funny Sign 4

 
Funny Sign 5

   
Funny Sign 6

 
Funny Sign 7


   
Funny Sign 8

 
Funny Sign 9

   
Funny Sign 10

 
 
Funny Sign 11

   
Funny Sign 12


 
Funny Sign 13

 
Funny Sign 14


 
Funny Sign 15
  
Funny Sign 16



To receive the weekly link to the latest Sunday Family Humour,
send an email to dgwest7@gmail.com saying
subscribe Sunday Family Humour.
No costs, nothing else needed. Welcome and thank you.

Making your Amazon purchases through this link helps Sunday Family Humour
Every little helps. http://amzn.to/1TwDiMG

A Little Green Garden Grass Snake

Thanks to Tully
(Very funny - Must read to the end!)

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.
Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here's why.
 
A couple in  Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
 
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
 
She let out a very loud scream.
 
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
 
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
 
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.  The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
 
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
 
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
 
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
 
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
 
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
 
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
 
 By now, the police had arrived.
 Breathe here...
 
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
 
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
 
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
 
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
 
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
 
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
 
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

 
 
And that's when he shot he


Old Age Cartoons

Thanks to Paul S.

Old Age Cartoons.ppt


The Retired Perspective

Thanks to Tully


Retired perspective

 
Retired Person's Perspective
 
1.   I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2.   I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3.   You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy.
4.   You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.
5.   I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
6.   I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.
7.   I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
8.   Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan?
9.   Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.
 
Old age is not as bad as I thought. It's a good feeling when you just don't give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.

 
 

Unusual Take-Off

Thanks to Bert

Mitchinson's Flight Centre in Saskatoon launching its Cessna 185 Float Plane

How to get a float-equipped airplane airborne from a concrete runway.

Unusual Take-Off


Your help is gratefully appreciated.
Please Donate
Note - no income, Brexit squeeze, quarterly rent, annual visa - ouch!
 makes donations even more important - thank you
(if you have any difficulty, click here for detailed screenshots)
Donors this week
Thank you so much. You make it all worthwhile.
Don B
Charles R
Every $1 helps  - thank you
See  here for more donation options
(You can donate with any credit card - no Paypal account needed)
Page 1          Page 2          Interesting Articles and Videos
LinkedIn Twitter Facebook Google+ Addthis Blogger Delicious StumbleUpon Digg Amazon Reddit